Freddie Benson stood at the entrance to the high school section of the Ridgeway school building. He hardly slept at all the past couple of nights due to what had recently transpired on the fire escape of the Bushwell Plaza. The image of him locking lips with Sam Puckett was burned forever into his memory. He hadn't seen or spoken to Sam since that night, but because today was his first day back in school, they were bound to run into each other at some point. Freddie felt confused enough himself, but he was slightly more afraid of how Sam would react.
Freddie sighed. Well, sooner or later, it's gotta happen. I just hope Sam doesn't start acting weird around me or anything. Freddie opened the door and trudged inside the building. No less than a second later, he was staring Sam straight in the face. And much to Freddie's consternation, she had on an incredibly weird expression.
"Hi Freddie!" Sam chirped, giving Freddie an ecstatic wave. Her mouth was stretched into a disturbingly wide smile. Freddie, a bit frightened, took a half-step back.
"Uh…hi." Sam continued grinning at Freddie, not saying anything, refusing to break eye contact. After several awkward seconds like this, Freddie swallowed uncomfortably and spoke up. "Uh Sam, I need to get through." Sam remained stationary. Freddie waited a few more seconds. "SAM!" His yell jolted Sam out of her daze.
"What?" she said loudly. Freddie tried his best to stay calm.
"I need to get through," he said, speaking in the same voice that Sam's mom's psychologist used. "Class starts in less than five minutes." Sam's eyes lit up.
"Can we walk together?!" she asked excitedly. A muscle twitched in Freddie's cheek. This was starting to get really, really weird.
"Yeah…I guess."
"Yay!" Sam latched on to Freddie's arm and planted her head against his shoulder. Freddie, weighed down now by Sam, lugged them both through the door and into the school. Ten meters later, he finally lost his composure and ripped himself free of Sam's grasp.
"Okay, what has gotten into you Puckett?!" he yelled, slightly hysterical. Sam's bright smile only intensified.
"Nothing," she said chuckling, nudging Freddie's shoulder with her fist. "I'm just glad we resolved our differences and no longer have to hide our true feelings for each other." Freddie's eyebrows went skyward.
"Feelings?" Sam just laughed and nudged Freddie a second time.
"Yeah, you know…our feelings?"
"No." Sam tilted her head.
"Come on Fredward, I know you've been thinkin' about me." Freddie's eyes pinpointed.
"Uh, Sam, I think you're…" Sam inched a bit too close to Freddie, causing the latter to take a few steps backwards.
"Mistaken?" Sam said quietly, and at the same time, seductively. She continued to move forward, while Freddie continued backing away. "I don't think so." Freddie looked behind him. He was trapped; the lockers were only a few feet away, and he knew he couldn't outrun Sam. "I think you and me were playing hard to catch for too long, and now, we can't pretend anymore." The breath was knocked out of Freddie as his back hit the lockers. His heartbeat was racing, and the taste of bile filled his mouth.
"Uh, Sam, we have to go to class now," Freddie reasoned. Even to himself however, his voice sounded unconvincing. Sam kept smiling, inching closer and shaking her head slowly.
"Mama don't wanna look at books today Benson." She flung out her arms and slammed both hands on the lockers, so that they landed on either side of Freddie's head. Sam's shadow grew bigger and bigger on Freddie's frame as she leaned in.
"Mama gonna play teacher...and baybeh gonna be student." Freddie raised his arms to protect himself, and curled into a defensive ball. Sam's amorous demeanor instantly vanished and instead, she seized Freddie by the shirt and hauled him to his feet.
"What's it gonna take, to get us to spend, more time together?!" she shouted while shaking Freddie repeatedly. She held him still for a second, allowing him to respond.
"I don't wanna spend more time together Sam, I just want to get to class!" Freddie gasped. She had gripped him a bit too tightly when she was shaking him.
"Come on, please?" Sam pleaded. Freddie jumped when she took a step forward. He looked at her fearfully, and gave a vigorous head-shake. Sam considered grabbing him again, but then opted for a gentler approach.
"I'll be your best friend," she offered, smiling tenderly.
Sam and Freddie were now standing side by side, and wearing t-shirts that said 'Best Friend' and had an arrow pointing to one another. Freddie shook his head.
"No."
"…I'll do your homework."
Sam was now sitting at Freddie's desk in his room, filling out the answers in his various textbooks. Freddie noticed that she was getting most of the answers wrong. He shook his head.
"No."
"…I'll cook you dinner."
Freddie was now sitting at the Benson's kitchen table, a bib tied around his neck. Sam, who was wearing a black-and-white maid outfit, served Freddie what looked suspiciously similar to Carly's spaghetti. Freddie shook his head.
"No." Sam lowered her voice.
"…I'll tuck you in."
Freddie was now lying in bed, wearing his pajamas. Sam leaned over him, pulled his comforter up to his chin, and made sure he was tucked in on both sides. She then climbed into bed herself and settled next to him, so that they were lying perfectly parallel to each other. Freddie screamed.
"NO!" He threw the covers off and leapt onto the floor. Sam calmly rose to her own feet. Freddie jabbed his finger at her.
"You're taking things way too fast Sam! I'm not gonna lie, I kinda like it, but this is still way too fast!" Freddie snatched his pillow and stormed out of his room. He was going to sleep on the fire escape tonight.
Back in Freddie's room, Sam plopped down on Freddie's bed, feeling frustrated. She then retrieved her backpack, which she had brought when she had done Freddie's homework, and pulled out a large book. The Delinquent Girl's Guide to Seducing Your Best Frenemy. Sam growled and hurled the book against the wall. First thing in the morning, she was crashing the bookstore and was going teach that clerk who suggested this crappy self-help book the lesson of a lifetime.
Disclaimer - I do not own iCarly, it characters, nor any other shows, characters, music, and/or movies that may be referenced.
AN: Heh, this story was a bit zanier than my other iCarly ones thus far. Sadly, I'm capable of much, much crazier. I just wanted to take this time and say thanks to all the people who read and reviewed, or who simply just read, my stories. It is all immensely appreciated. I didn't know what to expect when venturing into the iCarly fandom, but I already feel like part of the family. I actually wrote all of my iCarly stories in a couple of days a couple of weeks back, when I had some free time. I don't know when my next story will be, but I still have plenty of ideas and would like to write more. Until next time, always read in a well-lit room, and don't sniff the fruit salad!
Archilochus
