Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha, but thank you for the depressing reminder. *PP sobs*

PP'S A/N: I've had this idea for a while, and could see the humor in it; however, I'm not much of a good citrus writer as of the moment. -.-' Luckily, I have an amazing friend—anime-patriot—whose specialty is writing citrus (so check her out, you hear? *stern face*). We collaborated, me writing most of the humor and interaction whereas she wrote the sexual scenes and handing out suggestions, and voila: this story was born! :O (Would that make us a couple, I wonder, being parents of the same fanfic? o.O) Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy our humorous, sexy short story, Midnight Snack, and won't hesitate to review! ^.^

AP'S A/N: Lol well I'm glad to help. ^_^ This story was fun writing. Idk what else to say really. I guess we are really technically parents of this and hopefully more to come~ Guess my smut writing skills are coming to good use. ^_^ Purduepup is an awesome friend too, this whole thing was her idea, as she stated. (I wonder how many people are actually going to read these AN's. O.O;; ) PP is better at writing long chapters than I am. ^_^ So let's give her a round of applause *claps*

PP: I'm flattered, I really am. *blushes*
INUYASHA: Feh, you should be arrested.
PP: SHUT THE F**K UP! *killer eyes, throws knives*
INUYASHA: *whimpers before running away*
PP: *chases with an electric collar in hand*
SESSHOUMARU: *videotapes* This is going on YouTube. *evil grin*
AP: …*Writes down fanfic involving shock collar* JK JK lol.
PP: She would totally do it—and make it sexual all the way. I know she would. -.-'

FOREWARN: Inuyasha is human. If you say otherwise… Well, we have a little black book and pen just screaming for us to write your name. That's all you need to know. -.-


Midnight Snack

a patriot-pup production

1: Only a Grape


To say she was exhausted would be an understatement.

Heaving again, Kagome laid her head against the top of her television, wondering why she didn't call some movers to take care of her heavy furniture for her. She was becoming sweaty in the summer heart, and as her breathing progressively turned scarce, she watched as her friend Sango struggled with her box of plates and glasses before tripping and sending the whole package flying into a nearby truck. The sound of breaking porcelain met her ears, and Kagome mourned her loss by banging her head against the TV, not caring what damage it did to the object, her heart-shaped face, or her remaining brain cells.

She was so, so tired.

After her roommate Ayumi told her she was pregnant and her boyfriend Hojo would be moving in to care for the baby, Kagome was, for lack of a better term, kicked out of the nice one-story cottage and sent to the city to live in what she presumed to be a slum. Luckily, though, with help from her old college friend Sango, not only did she find a decent apartment, but said friend was also an athletic assistant capable of moving Kagome's belongings to the condo on the seventh floor. After settling the moving issue with her boss at the library near the outer edge of the city and convincing the old man Totosai to let her keep her job there (which wasn't that hard, considering the old man forgot her name when she arrived), they'd pulled in the apartment complex's parking lot, put on some thick gloves, and automatically went to work.

Needless to say, things weren't going as well as she hoped.

Groaning, she grunted as she hoisted the inherited television up onto her arms, ignoring the trembling of her elbows as she approached the door again, only to set down the contraption when her arms gave up on her persistence. Working as a librarian didn't seem to help her arm muscles any, and judging by Sango's magenta orbs practically crying over being tired, even a yoga trainer couldn't handle this kind of physical torture. She mentally measured the distance between the stairs where she lay and the door ahead, and huffed.

Twenty yards. She could do this…!

With newfound determination, Kagome picked up the TV again and passed by Sango, who was jadedly carrying the box with her silverware again, though this time, the broken pieces made wonderful music for their journey to heaven. The moment Kagome reached the door, she nearly howled with relief.

That is, until she realized she needed to use a key to get in.

God dammit…!

"You look pissed," Sango noted in a pant as one of Kagome's azure eyes twitched and the television met the ground.

To say she was pissed was also an understatement.

^—^—^—^—^

Fortunately for her, Kagome's apartment was cozy just like the ad said, and fortunately for her muscles, it was cleared of the previous owner's things and now covered in only a very thin layer of dust. It had been a week since the lady had passed away, according to the Shikon Condos owner Midoriko, and she had some of the male inhabitants move the deceased's things out. As Kagome set down her broken television and Sango dropped her doomed tableware, the book lover took in her new home in awe despite the aching of her limbs.

Due to her small salary, this place would be her home for quite a while, and as she viewed the sunlight streaming in through the windows and reflecting off the hardwood floor, Kagome briefly smiled at the thought of having a place to herself.

"So, Kagome-chan," Sango began, her lungs finally returning to her though her chestnut ponytail remained mussed, "have you bought any food yet?"

And there went her smile.

With a newfound frown and furrow of the eyebrows, Kagome realized no, she didn't have any food. This would probably screw her over later tonight when she woke up for her nightly snack, but she'd spotted a ramen store across the street that had an Open 24/7! sign up; she wouldn't go hungry, that was for sure. Shrugging at the insinuation, Kagome plopped down on the floor and crossed her legs, taking in the mediocre living space and its bland walls. Whoever lived here before her must've not been much of an interesting person, and even though Kagome was a librarian, she did not hold one's expected dullness. She made a mental note to buy some paint later on, and when Sango collapsed beside her, moaning as if suddenly realizing something tragic, Kagome underwent the same realization:

They still had to move the actual furniture up the stairs.

SHIIIIIIIIIT…

The friends nearly cried tears of blood once Kagome's recliner, party couch, love seat, dining table, matching chairs, stools, mattress, bedstead, fridge, and many other back-breaking, spine-snapping objects were safely inside Kagome's apartment—this time Sango and Kagome having begged the apartment bellhop-boy-thing Nobunaga to please allow them to use the handicap elevator in order to prevent any future health complications. The librarian offered the yoga trainer a bottle of water, and together, they both choked by chugging the liquid too quickly. Tossing her bottle away in her trash can (one of the items she didn't mind carrying up the numerous flights of stairs), Kagome eyed the heavy furniture once more, imagining what it'd be like to move it around her entire apartment…

"So, Sango, wanna go meet my new neighbors?"

Grabbing Kagome's earlier made cookies in a large cooking pot, their eagerness to procrastinate didn't escape the gods' attention as they scurried out the apartment door and to the nearest one: the one across from Kagome's new residence. Sango knocked on the door for her wary friend, and Kagome avoided the stress even carrying a pot full of cookies had on her arms as she smiled bright for the stranger she was going to meet. The door creaked open, black hair was revealed, then a charming smile that quickly turned to…surprise?

"Kagome? Sango?"

"FUUUUUUUCK!" Sango screamed to the heavens, immediately storming away.

Kagome and her neighbor stared at her retreating form before slowly turning back to each other.

"Miroku?" Kagome asked, curiosity apparent as she took in the matured version of her old university peer. "What are you doing here in Tokyo? Last I heard, you went to the mountains to further study Buddhism."

Sango's once-upon-a-boy-toy grinned sheepishly, his handsome features showing under the dim fluorescent lighting. "After two months, it became evident my morals did not fit with those of the monks." Hearing the obvious reason behind it all, Kagome rolled her eyes. Miroku raised an eyebrow, indigo orbs shining mischievously as he questioned, "And what of you and Sango, Miss Kagome? Last I heard, you were living with Ayumi-chan on the countryside whereas my dearest Sango was further into the city."

Kagome flushed some, the color contrasting to her wavy raven locks. "Ayumi and Hojo are expecting a child soon, so I needed to move out to give their family more room."

Miroku hummed, nodding thoughtfully. "So, I'm supposing Sango will not be moving in with you?"

Kagome nearly choked when she realized what he was thinking. "Miroku," she began, "you could've gotten Koharu-san pregnant. And even though you're lucky it turned out to be that Naraku guy's, I don't think Sango-chan will be accepting of your affections anytime soon." Then, as if to prove a point, she waved to the empty space beside her, where a Sango-shaped void remained, deciding now was not exactly the right time to tell Miroku that Sango was dating some guy named Kuranosuke on the other side of town.

Seeming to be on the verge of tears, Miroku whined frantically, "But, Kagome…!"

"No buts," Kagome said sternly with an expression to match. Remembering why she came there in the first place, she held out the pot, offering a cookie and a we'll catch up later. Miroku pouted for a moment before realizing the pot's contents, face automatically lighting up as he grabbed a handful and closed the door on her face.

…So, it was probably safe to say she was on her own now…

Groaning, Kagome readjusted her carrying case before moving onto the next door, one closer to the staircase. The hallways were wide enough to fit three people shoulder-to-shoulder, somewhat luckily for her, so she didn't have to travel too far to reach her next destination. She tapped on the door with her oversized pot, then teetered on her feet while gazing at the apartment's outer walls. It seemed the complex wasn't in an elegant state like her own condo, instead having chipped paint and water stains with second-rate lighting. She twisted her nose in distaste, deciding to talk to Midoriko later about its condition, when the door swung open to reveal a slightly plump woman who—

Oh, wait, technical difficulties: The woman was short, and Kagome couldn't really past the pot…

Turning slightly, Kagome realized not only was the woman petite and chubby, but had an eye patch surrounded by a wise and aged face, and the eye that wasn't covered was regarding her with such austerity and suspicion that it nearly made her wet her shorts. However, it seemed the lady realized her new stature at the complex because her gaze softened and she questioned kindly, "Do ye need assistance?"

Kagome, to say the least, was very tempted to throw the pot into the graying woman's arms and run away, but decided better of it. She shook her head, instead settling for "I'm Higurashi Kagome, and I just moved here from the outskirts. I thought I'd go around and offer cookies to my new neighbors is all."

"Kaede," the woman murmured, mostly disregarding Kagome's words as she took in the girl's shaking knees, limp wrists, and trembling elbows. She repeated, "Do ye need assistance, Kagome-san?"

Oh, thank god, Kagome thought as she carelessly tossed the pot to Kaede and collapsed outside the doorway. She barely noticed the old woman falling over at the sudden weight or the questioning barks from the neighbor nearest to the stairs, wondering what the racket was all about. Relief, sweet relief, she rejoiced as Kaede huffed and stood up again, this time the jar secure in her arms. The old lady said blankly, "If ye get off the floor, I'll help ye deliver these to the rest of our neighbors."

"Our" caught Kagome's attention, and she grinned when she realized the woman already thought of her as one of them. "Okay," she said, getting to her feet and dusting off invisible dirt. After closing the door after Kaede, Kagome followed her to the room where shouts had been resonating just a moment ago and gleefully knocked on the mahogany paneling.

What greeted her was life-changing.

There stood a god from Mount Olympus itself, adorned in no shirt and a pair of boxers and reeking of pure, untamed masculinity. Thick locks of obsidian reached his heart in a low ponytail, sticking to his slightly sweaty, glistening tanned skin, and Kagome felt a rush of heat sweep through her body—most specifically, the lower half—the moment his heated, seductive amethyst gaze crossed her figure, looking dark and enticing under feral ebony bangs. His attire didn't help her arousal, either, as she noticed the sharp, hard planes of his bare chest, darkened nipples, broadness of his shoulders, tightness of his calves and thighs, and strong, defined arms with large, calloused, and powerful hands to match…

Kagome nearly bit off her bottom lip trying to keep in her drool.

Dear god, save her and her lusty desires now…!

"What'd you want, ya old hag?" he barked at Kaede, who remained obscured by the large cookie pot. Meanwhile, the newcomer to their complex watched the way his delectable, succulent lips moved, revealing two slightly pointed canine teeth and making her wonder how those lips would work on her own two pairs…

Kagome shifted uncomfortably.

As if finally noticing her (which was untrue, mind you; she was absolutely sure he was staring at her a moment ago!), the god turned to her, eyes flashing with annoyance and some hurt emotion as he snapped, "And who the hell is this wench?"

Twitch.

Did he…really just call her 'wench'?

As Kagome suffered a mental breakdown over such an orgasmic, holy being looking down on her, Kaede's eyebrows furrowed as she addressed the man. "Be nice to ye new neighbor, Inuyasha."

Dear god, this was getting unbelievable. 'Inuyasha'. Even his name oozed sex…

Swiftly reverting back to the drooling stage, Kagome nearly blanked out while the two continued conversing. "Keh, like I care," Inuyasha snapped, canine poking that delicious-looking bottom lip… "I got enough shit to take care of with packing up and moving out."

Kagome nearly choked.

Moving… Moving OUT?

No "no" was longer than her mental "NOOOOOOOOO—" at that moment.

Kaede rolled her eyes, still oblivious to Kagome's inner turmoil. "The reason why ye wish to move out eludes me," she muttered, eyeing the exercise machines in the background and raising a questioning brow. "And why would ye equipment be out if ye were busy packing, Inuyasha?"

"Feh!" he huffed, turning his nose up at her. Casually, his eyes traveled to where a slightly drooling, slightly stressed Kagome stood, resisting the urge to tackle him or twitch. His dark eyebrows swung low in a frown as he demanded, "And just who the fuck are you again, wench?"

Snapping back into reality after that rude awakening, she said levelly—rather forced, actually—"I'm Higurashi Kagome and new to this complex. I wanted to meet all my neighbors and give them cook—"

Without a word, he grabbed the entire pot from an unsuspecting Kaede and slammed the door on both of their shocked and flabbergasted faces, not bothering to hear the rest of Kagome's monologue before her jaw dropped and hung while she stared at the once again closed mahogany door.

And thus, the twitching began.


PP'S A/N: I listened nonstop to Breathe Carolina and Theory of a Deadman while writing this. Check them, and my amazing citrus co-writer and good buddy, anime-patriot, out! :D This should be at maximum five chapters (probably; I don't know), and updates will come at random, though this will most likely end before the new year (I repeat: Most likely. We really don't know). Hope you enjoyed this first chapter and will stick around for the next, where the citrus arrives~! ^.^

AP'S A/N: I…was writing a separate one-shot (which was inspired by Purduepup ^_^). And yeah I think this story will be done by the New Year, if not within a week after that. ^_^ I'm hoping everyone sticks around for the next chapter.

PP: Really, stick around—or we'll kill you. T.T