Ok, just to let you know in advance. This is a REALLY weird scenario that just randomly popped into my head amidst fits of boredom and depression after one of my reviewers suggested that I should write a KakaHina fic… Although that pairing is usually SO not my thing but… anyway, he asked for it (DAMN YOU Kakashi's Paparazzi!!! lol)… So here it is.
Although I highly doubt that this is quite what he expected…
*cough cough* ANYWAY, I hope that the slightly more deranged amongst you at least will be able to enjoy this… (and by deranged I simply mean just as weird and psychotic as me O.o)
Also… I have to just say this, because I am not basing this story in the ninja world, I found NO WAY that didn't seem silly and retarded how I could make Kakashi either wear his mask or hide his face in any other way so for all my fellow fanatic and antic Kakashi-cravers… imagine it if you can ;)

MANY thanks to JuubiOokami for being my beta; even if your spelling isn't the best in the world, your imagination is UNRIVALLED honey!!!

DISCLAIMER - None of the characters belong to me, the lucky man in Japan owns 'em… However, the story itself is mine… MINE ALONE!!! MWAHAHAHAHHA… *cough cough*

Anyway, enough of the blabber. ENJOY!!!



Rain, always rain.

That's the one and only truthful description you can give of England this time of year.

Rain, always rain.

With a sigh, a silver haired man slowly rose off the little stool he had been sitting on, watching the cold rain pour down. The motion caused his slightly too-fat dog to stir and wag its tail at him happily before it noticed the expression on his face and stilled. As he continued to stare at the window, eyes now fixed on the foggy patch created when he sighed, lightning struck, illuminating the otherwise dark room and casting the pale man in an eerie light, comparable to a full-body halo.

Yeah, right. Halo.

With a snort of disgust, he wiped his hand across the fog, coating the window in a wet but clear film of his breath before taking a few steps into his bathroom. Same routine as always. Light on, realise the bulb burst over a month ago, shave in the darkness. After all, the devilish good looks need some caretaking.

Again, a snort.

Who was he fooling anyway? Or even trying to fool? He was disgusting. Anyone who pretended to care for him would stab him in the back at any given opportunity. It was the typical tragedy: good looks, good job, women and men alike fawning over him like he was the next Hugh Jackman, but behind the façade he bore only one single emotion – sadness.

Even his adoptive son had left him, Kakashi remembered with a sad sigh. Left the only family he had left after that tragic incident so many years ago, preferring to play some power-hungry snake freak's trusty little bimbo instead.

"Back stabbing little bastards," he sighed, not at all convinced that he could truly feel angry at the boy.

But then who was the lonely, too-handsome University Professor to keep the almost equally handsome Sasuke from what he considered his perfect path?

"Come on, Kakashi! Get yourself together. Time for supper," he tried, but as ever his forced, cheerful self-motivation led to nothing but more disgust from himself.

With another sigh of despair, he walked back into his scarcely furnished living room, feeling his way to his couch and flopping down onto it before being joined by man's best friend. Scratching his pug under the chin, eliciting quiet yaps of pleasure from the dog in doing so, Kakashi reminded himself vaguely that he hadn't eaten a proper meal in over two weeks now.

"Haaah… Pakkun… What to do, what to do…?" he mumbled, still petting his old friend as he turned to present his belly. "At least I haven't forgotten to feed you, hm? You might've gotten angry at me otherwise, mightn't you…?"

Glancing around his apartment again, he took in the mess that had accumulated over the past few months: fast-food wrappers and coke cans lay strewn across the floor as unmarked essays and projects piled high on his desk. The sheets on his bed had last been washed so long ago that he had moved to his couch, but the pillow which he had been managing to keep clean for so long was now being covered in dog hair by his helpful little roommate.

Daring to let his eyes move towards the door of the kitchen behind him, he had to groan as he realised that he hadn't washed the dishes in a couple of weeks either and glared at the growing pile that completely dominated his sink. Thinking back to when he had last gone shopping, the silver haired man also realised he didn't even want to think about the possible contents of his fridge.

"Alright buddy, that's it. I need a meal, bigtime, and while I'm gone you can clean up the apartment, got it?" he grinned at his dog as he got up off the couch, laughing when said creature just looked up at him stupidly and wagged its tail. "…Ok fine, maybe I'll let you off just this once."

Upon giving the pug's head another ruffle, he moved to where he had thrown down his blazer and gave it a little dusting off before putting it on. He checked his pockets for keys and wallet before allowing himself one last look around the mess he called his home and then finally letting his eyes rest Pakkun.

"And… Uh… Don't make a mess, alright? Don't wanna be cleaning up after you all the time, you slob."

With that, he left his confused dog sitting on his temporary bed and left to finally get a proper meal.


Ok, fine, so maybe going to the most student-frequented café in the entirety of the city wasn't the best idea he had ever had, but seriously, Uni Profs don't really get out that much, particularly if their subject was something as exotic and unpopular as Japanese Culture and Arts with specialty in the History of Samurai and Ninja. After all, money didn't grow on trees and, well, the less popular receive less of the bounty. The issue, however, was that he really hadn't thought about the fact that it was Saturday night and everyone was likely to be out and about. Naturally upon realising his mistake he'd been tempted to crawl back to his apartment and curl up on his sofa with his pug and a take away. Now that he was out, however, determination to remain out had driven him onward and he managed to compromise his situation by sitting on a single table in a darker corner of the establishment. At least now there was no way of anyone seeing him and recognising him, or so he reassured himself, and anyway, who cared if anyone saw him? At least his stomach wasn't growling at him anymore now that he had already wolfed down two of his three courses. Besides, the only person caring enough to notice anyone but herself wasn't around on that particular Saturday and, judging by the absence of a certain blonde loudmouth, wouldn't appear either.

As he waited, therefore, Kakashi allowed himself to study his surroundings, present non-company included. Occupying the table were many people of various shapes, sizes and colours, some of whose faces he recognised, laughing, drinking and smoking into the night. He saw every type of human being, from the sluts to the "big-guys", all the way through to the quiet girl who didn't understand why she had a group of guys all fighting over her. Although he knew at least one girl who might fit this sort of description, he began to realise that, actually, most of the people around him were strangers. The list moved on through geeks, punks, pink girls, blonde girls, male and female bimbos, hetero couples, homo couples and and and… Truly, it was hard to believe all those people could live together in such a crowded space, even if only for a few hours in the evening. Musing about his life, he found it was strangely sad, yet funny, how few of these people he actually even knew despite the fact they studied in the same campus he worked.

As he waited, the pale man spotted his waitress madly gesticulating in his general direction, his dessert in hand, whilst chatting, giggling and blushing with one of her friends. Great, exactly what he needed - another obsessive fangirl who fell for his devilishly handsome features. Why couldn't he just bring himself to wear a mask or something? With a sigh, he prepared himself for a rather long wait to receive his poison in form of an overdose of sugar.

A good hour, a large Tiramisu and bottle of red wine later, someone was starting to feel rather drowsy. Time had lost all meaning as the now tipsy man was still to be seen staring aimlessly around the room, finding interest in everyone else's doings. He raised the wineglass to his lips once more, tipping it all the way only to find that not even one drop of the precious alcohol was left for him to indulge in. But what was left for him to do then? No more food, no more wine, and no friends for that matter left him with only one real option.

Realising that his vision was rather clouded and blurry by now, Kakashi managed to raise his right hand and gesture for the waitress to bring him the bill before allowing his arm to flop back onto the table with an audible thump, earning him one or two perturbed looks from neighbouring tables.

"Whadda you looging at?!" he managed to slur to fend off the intruding looks before hearing a loud set of voices, which had succeeded at giving him a horrendous migraine at much less sensitive moments of his life than this particular one, entering the café.

With a groan of despair and the blurry relief that he was leaving this place soon, he allowed his head to smash against the table before very slowly bringing himself back up into a relatively neutral sitting position. Finally, the bill arrived as a certain loudmouth and a mutt face were slowly succeeding at making his brain implode rather unceremoniously. Barely managing to count out the right amount of money plus tip in his drunken rush to get out, he didn't notice a young girl's eyes fill with worry at his sight. When he was pleased that the correct amount had been paid and the cacophony which blurred with the background music in his mind had sufficiently driven him beyond the point of reasoning, he turned in his chair to slowly get up and finally return to the safety of his home.

As he looked up from the table to see where he was going, however, he was paralysed by the sight greeting him, sending his weak body straight back onto the chair.

Long legs… Sexy body… Shy smile… Eyes fixed on only him, the Goddess wound her way through the mass of people, all blocking the way between them, increasing the distance between the two as the chemistry made both their bodies ache with desire. When finally she pushed past the last obstructive man and finally reached him, she wasted no time to straddle him and push her tits into his face before grabbing his hair roughly, tilting his head upwards and kissing him passionately, hips grinding against his already growing hard-on. A cheeky smile growing in their kiss, she slinked her hand down his torso, touches feather light yet kindling a violent fire of desire burning deep beneath the pale skin. When she reached the hem of his trousers, she barely hesitated for long enough to give a quiet chuckle before pushing her hand inside the disruptive garment and fondling his already rock hard member. As he broke the kiss to gasp in pleasure and close his eyes, she began kissing down his jaw line, tracing her lips down his neck and torso whilst amble fingers quickly undid the trousers and set free the organ that had up until now been painfully restrained. When she finally reached his aching length, teasingly breathing hotly over the tip, she grinned up at his pleasure distorted face and purred at hi-

"-Goo-ood evening… Hatake-Sensei," her voice rang clear to his ears, the tone definitely not fitting the face he had in front of his eyes. He frowned trying to comprehend it all.

"…Um… Hatake…-Sensei…? Are… uh… you ok…?" her voice rang through again, making him shake his head and look up to where it seemed to be coming from.

Realising his surroundings and realising that his trousers were, disappointingly, still very much done up, he managed to collect himself and look up at his pupil standing in front of him.

"Uh… yeah… pardon me absence… mademoiselle… Pleasure to see you again," he grumbled, at this point pausing just long enough to allow a little hiccup to escape his mouth. "…Hinata-chan…"

As the most perfect creature he had ever set eyes upon blushed viciously, he realised that he wasn't actually all that disappointed that his trousers were still on, considering the circumstances.

What he failed to realise was that he had just called her by a pet name.

"Um… um… Sensei… uh… How much… um… did you drink…?" she carefully questioned, tapping her fingertips together nervously in that cute way of hers.

God, how he wanted to take hold of her hands and kiss them, every inch of them, before moving on to her mouth!

"…Uh… Sensei…?" she tried a second time, again tearing him out of his daydreams.

"Ano… uh… yeah… I'm fine, seriously. Waid-a-minute… Aren't you here with Blondie and Dog-breath? Don't worry 'bout me… Go have fun sweety…"

Oh, shit.

What the fuck did he just say!?

"Uh… Sensei… Do… uh… Do you need help… getting home…?" that sweet voice asked again, driving him crazy.

"Ho…home!?! Uh… No! Absolutely not!" he practically screamed, succeeding only in making the girl even more worried.

"…Sensei… How much how much… did you have to drink?..." she asked again, bringing her face closer to his in an attempt to estimate how much he might've had, but giving him rather revealing insights to her relatively decent cleavage in the process.

"Ah…!" he moaned, forcing himself to close his eyes before grinning at her with a drunken blush. "…A bit…?"

"Please, wait here Sensei…" she mumbled with a concerned frown on her face before walking off to the table where her friends had already settled.

With a groan of displeasure "Professor" Kakashi watched that sexy ass slowly sway away from him before being hidden by the mass of people separating his table from the youngsters' one. Once again he reached for the wine, though this time it was the empty bottle he brought to his lips before relishing in the last two drops the nasty bottle had been trying to keep from him. And where was that damned waitress when you needed her?

"Hatake-Sensei. Good evening."

A rather stoic face appeared before him, bowing lightly in greeting before taking in his rather dishevelled appearance. Soon after, a blond and a tattooed brunette joined, making it rather hard for someone to remain upright in his chair.

"Hi brats…" he slurred in reply before allowing the annoyingly perceptive Hyuuga to grab a hold of his wrist and check his pulse.

"Hinata-sama, it was good that you found him, his pulse is already very fast, and just look at his pupils…! He really shouldn't be out alone in this state."

"For the one last time, I'm fine!!!" the silver-haired man tried to explain, but his voice betrayed him, changing pitch with every word and allowing the two boys behind the Hyuuga youngsters to break out into whooping laughter.

"He's fucking plastered man!!!" the one with the tattoos under his eyes – what was his name again? Oh, yeah, Kiba… - hollered, making Kakashi groan as his head started pounding rather unpleasantly.

"Um… I think… we should get him home…" an angel's voice shone through the cacophony, soothing his aches and slowly bringing a smile to his lips before another had to destroy the bliss once again.

"WAHAHA how lame, getting plastered all by yourself!!! See, always told ya, profs and teachers have no social life!!!" the blond roared with laughter, earning himself a couple of annoyed stares from his surroundings and warning glances from his friends.

"Shuddup Uzumaki…" the pale man snapped at the loudmouth before groaning and allowing his forehead to hit the table again. "Uh… My head…"

"Ok, that's it. We're taking him home, and you two are helping, got it?" Neji stated before grabbing one of Kakashi's arms, throwing pointed looks at the two, still hollering, figures. "Hinata-sama, you took his dog out for walks on occasion, didn't you? Do you remember the way to his house?"

Upon a reply in the positive and before the scarecrow had any time to protest, one of the other two boys had, grumbling all the while, grabbed hold of his other arm and helped to hoist him up out of the chair. The third had grabbed his things that were still draped across chair and table whilst Hinata walked ahead to lead the way. Oh joy… how did he get himself into this situation? With a sigh, he let his vision drop, his eyes coming to a halt once they fixed on a rather juicy and tempting bit of rump steak ahead of him.

Well, if he had to be dragged back home like a dosser, he might as well enjoy the view…


"How… can… a man… as thin as himBe so bloody heavy!?!" Naruto huffed and wailed before being silenced by about the 5th glare that night, all of them resulting purely through the Hyuuga boy.

"Ah… Sorry Naruto-kun… but… um… don't worry… we're nearly there… it's inside that building…" Hinata mumbled, making more than just one pair of eyes turn into hearts at the sight of her blush.

"Yeah, that's right Naru, stop being a wimp and man up!!!" Kiba hollered, waggling his eyes at Hinata in an attempt to show how amazing he was before being interrupted by the now angry blond.

"Says the guy who isn't carrying anything but a wallet and a jacket, dattebayo!!!"

"Hey, hold your horses sunny-boy, this amount of money bears a heavy weight of responsibility down on whoever holds it…" the dog tried, smirking with about a hundred bad intentions before being beaten down again.

"Who knew mutts could be philosophical." Neji stated before straining to pull Kakashi up the stairs behind Hinata to reach said man's flat, receiving only a grumble in return from the now beaten dog. "What was that, mutt face?"

A more attentive Kiba now returned his eyes to a very angry Neji.

"I said, thank you Mr. Superiority Complex, when we're finally done babysitting our Sensei I'll be sure to return the favour and set Akamaru on you!"

"O…omaesan… Please guys… Stop it… Um… we're here now… this is his flat…" a sweet voice interrupted just in the nick of time before a certain handsome man saw his face hit the ground.

With a "hmpf", Neji retightened his grip on the still drunk man's shoulder before dragging him closer along with Naruto.

"Sensei, c'mon, where's your key? Hurry up, we ain't got all night…" Naruto urged, his voice perhaps too gentle to really fit his words, before an even less patient – hang on, is that even possible? – Kiba already began rummaging through his pockets.

A few agitated seconds later, a rather chuffed Kiba produced said key with a triumphant "HAH!!!" before pushing it into the lock and turning. Immediately they were greeted by two lazy, quiet woofs followed by a fat little pug slowly traipsing up to the small group and wagging its tail excitedly, only to receive immediate attention from the only girl around.

"Pakkun, hello!!! Aw, you cutie, has Sensei been treating you well, hm?" she cooed, oblivious to the evil and murderous glances the dog was receiving from behind her as his owner was being dragged inside the flat.

"Fucking hell it stinks in here! Shit what is this, a landfill or something?" one of the boys groaned, leading Hinata to chuckle and follow behind to see what the issue was.

"…Oh…" was all she could manage, however, when she entered herself and saw the mess. "What… Sensei…"

What had happened here since the last time she came to take out Pakkun? The place looked nothing like what she had in memory. Clean surfaces had made way for stacks of rotten pizza slices and leftovers from God knows how long ago, his usually tidy desk was cluttered with papers and writing utensils and the kitchen looked like a massacre had recently taken place.

A bloody war of sushi, ketchup and the occasional tomato, one might add.

It was like the usually kind and organised – minus the tendency to always be late for everything – Professor had made way for something… no, someone new. But really, as much as Hinata's nature caused her to worry about her professor – she knew it was not really her business.

"Um… bring him to his bed… please…?" she mumbled, slowly trudging after the still groaning boys to help her Sensei get comfortable on the bed. "Arigatou, Neji, Naruto, Kiba."

The boys already headed back out of the flat, not wanting to remain in the stench for even a second longer than necessary, leaving Hinata along to ensure that their Sensei was lying comfortably, yet safe considering the sheer amount of alcohol he had consumed. As she was about to turn around to leave and follow the guys, however, a strong arm grabbed hold of her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"Uh… Sensei…?"

"Hinata… Thank you cutie… Ah… you're so beautiful…" he stated before losing consciousness in drunken stupor.


TBC

MUHAHAHA!!! I'M SO EVIL!!! And don't forget the sparkling review button…

Please be honest… I really hope this works… XD

Lots of love,

~Kit