Author's Note: Hello! It's me again, trying my hand at a new multi chapter story. This one was by request from Robin Hardy who wanted to see Carol relationship with someone other than Daryl. So my love for anything Martinez has brought this story out in me. This is a CAROL story. There will be Caryl angsty Carol interaction but will not be a Caryl happily ever after. I hope you give it a shot. I will stay true to the dynamic of Caryl and how I perceive Carol now on her own after being banished by the people she loves. If you take the time to read it, please let me know what you think!
XOXO Pamela
1. Cast Out
Devastated didn't even begin to describe the feelings that overwhelmed her. She had stopped the rusty station wagon about a mile away from where she drove away from Rick, refusing to look in the rearview mirror. She had been afraid she would flip back around and throw herself at his feet, begging for forgiveness. She knew she could not do that, would not do that. It was over and done with. Her place in the group died the day Karen and David did.
She got out and checked the supplies he had given her. She had one full gas can, her knife roll, one revolver with a handful of bullets and a rifle. She had enough food and water to last her a week if she was careful. There were also some things left by Sam and Ana. Carol reflected sadly on the two souls that now were gone forever. Rick had thought her reactions to them to epitomize her new indifference to this world but she was deeply saddened by their deaths. She had thought they were a sweet couple and would have made a great addition to the group. Seeing Ana's severed leg on the ground made her shut down. She knew Rick would blame her. He'd been judging her since before they stepped into the car to go on the run. The knots in her stomach had not been from hunger.
She had known it was coming but it didn't make it any less difficult. She was just abandoned by a man she loved like family. Someone who looked at her in those last few moments like she was evil, something tainted he didn't want near his children. His children she loved and nurtured like her own. For Lori and for him. But he couldn't see past what she had done. What she had tried to do to save them all when all it did was cause her to lose everything and everyone she loved. The thought of Lizzie and Mika learning of her gone, disappeared into a puff of smoke with no goodbye. Would they resent her? She was supposed to care for them now. She promised their father and now those girls were on their own. Yes, they would have others in the group to look out for their well being. But who would love them? Who would continue to teach them to be strong, to fight, to survive? Everyone else was so wrapped up in their own issues she knew she had already failed the girls and it had only been one day.
Tears filled her eyes as she thought about what the others would think. Her original group. Who she considered her family. The family she killed for. Hershel, Carl, Judith, Beth, Maggie, Glenn and Daryl. Even his named flashing in her mind made her heart feel like it was being ripped out of her chest. How she had loved him for so long. But she knew his blind loyalty to the man he considered his brother would outweigh any caring he had for her. All those years, those months so close and yet so far from his heart. She hoped Rick would just tell them she died on the run. Let him mourn for what she was in his eyes, his best friend. She couldn't bear the thought of him living the rest of his life hating her. She couldn't. Carol knew if she was going to make it out there in this godforsaken world on her own, she would have to stop torturing herself with thoughts of those she left behind. She needed to do what Rick suggested, find a group and start over. She knew being alone was a death sentence.
She turned the car back on, the engine sputtering for just a fraction of a second, causing her blood pressure to rise and her pulse to race. She glanced quickly at the map and reminded herself of which course she was going to take. She was determined to stay away from towns and cities where there would be concentrations of undead. She remembered the Spreewell Bluff State Park she used to take Sophia on Girl Scout Jamborees. The idea of being in a place that held many happy memories of her baby girl gave Carol hope to get moving. There were cabins there the troop had stayed at with grills and outhouses. There was a well there along with a beautiful winding river that would be perfect for fishing and washing clothes. She could hunker down there and make a base camp while she scouted for other groups. Groups that could take her in and give her a new start, a new life. A life not filled with remorse, grief and a broken heart.
The drive to the state park usually would take less than two hours on a good day. A day where there were only fellow drivers headed for their vacation, their SUVs full of tents and coolers, bikes strapped to the rear. Now Carol had to contend with log jams of abandoned vehicles, some with their decaying occupants still nearby, wandering and searching for their next live meal. It took Carol nearly five hours to reach the outskirts of the park and dusk was rapidly approaching. She realized she would have to hunker down in the car for the night and start looking for the cabins in the morning.
The gate at the entrance to the state park was just secured with a chain that was easily accessible for Carol. She got out, unlatched the gate, drove the wagon through and re-latched the gate again. She drove slowly down the gravel road, taking a right in the fork of the road that led to where the cabins were located. The sun was rapidly setting and it was getting dark but she didn't want to turn on her headlights in case it attracted any nearby walkers. As she rounded a bend she had to slam on her brakes. Directly in her path was a large SUV with two men in front of it, guns drawn. Her throat constricted with fear and she put the car in park and raised her hands in surrender.
The younger of the two men approached the driver side door cautiously. "Don't touch anything and step out of the car. Keep your hands where I can see them, lady." She indicated with her head she was going to lower one hand to open the door. He nodded and she slowly opened the door and stepped out, hands still in the air. "Are you alone?" He asked.
"Yes. It's just me. I was looking for shelter here at the cabins. I'm on my own. But if your people are here, I can just turn around and go. I promise I'm not here to cause any trouble." Her voice cracked with fear and she could see her raised hands trembling. She couldn't stop the tears that fell. "Please⦠I'm sorry. I just want to go."
The man's stance softened and her started to lower his gun but both he and Carol jumped when the other man barked out, "Are you fucking serious, Pete? Don't even think about letting her come back with us. Let her take her old ass and vamoose."
"I don't think that's your decision to make, Mitch." The younger one answered a little defiantly, his eyes flashing with anger as he glanced back. "Don't you think Jefe might want a say in this. She's just a lady. She's all alone, man. I can't send her back out there, it's getting dark." He lowered his gun, stuffing it behind him in his waistband. He spoke to Carol. "Grab your stuff and give me the keys. Mitch, drive her car back to camp. She's gonna ride with me." His tone gave no room for any protest and no was given by the man named Mitch.
Mitch rolled his eyes as he headed towards Carol's car. "Man, baby bro, sometimes you are SUCH a pussy." He bumped Carol's shoulder not so gently as he slipped behind the wheel.
The younger man motioned for Carol to follow him to the SUV and she got in the passenger seat without a word. He hopped in and turned the car on, facing her as he held the gear shift. "I'm not promising anything but I don't think it's right to just throw you back out there in the dark. We're going to me our camp leader and he'll make a decision about tomorrow." He put the truck into gear and turned back onto the path, heading towards the main camp area. "My name's Pete, by the way. That loud mouthed asshole is my brother, Mitch. Our camp is safe. There's families there, women, children. We don't take in strangers because we've had problems with raiders before. You'd think at the end of the world people would be nicer to each other. Try to work together. I guess this world can bring out the worst in people sometimes." He fell silent.
"Thank you for helping me. I promise I'll honor whatever decision you make." She glanced at him and saw him watching her out of the corner of his eye. "My name's Carol."
He turned his face to her and the shy smile he had on his face reminded her so much of another quiet, kind man that she almost gasped aloud. She could almost imagine herself back in that prison cell, welcoming him back. She controlled the emotion and met his eyes. "It's real nice to meet you, Carol. I have a feeling that you just might be sticking around for a while."
