Postscripts: Worse Case Scenario

Another Five Minute Voyager Squigglet courtesy of TaTTooGaL

In the Mess Hall, the crew is celebrating the defeat of Seska's deleterious holodeck program. Janeway: Here's to happy endings... (waves coffee mug round, splashing everyone with hot coffee)

Neelix: Aaah!!! Hot coffee bath!! *melts to sounds of cheers*

Torres: We should really do this more often. Getting Tom's and Tuvok's heads nearly zapped off is real fun.

Paris: Thanks a lot...

Chaks: I'm fine with this. Just as long as I'm not the bad guy in the next instalment.

Harry: (shocked) But Commander, you're always the bad guy!

Paris: (winks at Harry) Okay, in my next Captain Proton adventure you'll be the damsel in distress. That fine with you, Chakotay?

Harry: But why? He just says he doesn't want to the the bad guy, so you can make him the bad gal instead! Like Queen Arachnia, or something...

Tuvok: I think that Chakotay would look good in drag and high heels, don't you captain?

Janeway: *muses* That's right, I can almost imagine him in a thick golden wig...

Kes: If this will be of any help, I could lend it to you, Commander. I'm leaving Voyager soon anyway... *waves her thick Felicity-inspired locks around*

Neelix (returning briefly from gooey coffee oblivion): Leaving? Why, my sweet? Nooo!!!!

Holodoc: Ahh, shut up. *thwaps neelix*

Neelix melts again to even louder cheers

Paris: Chakotay in drag? Sounds too good to be true! Let's make it reality, shall we, Harry? Holodeck two, tommorow noon-

Chakotay (unable to take any more) That's it! I think this warrants the ancient, barbaric custom of the taupok to be performed upon you!

Chaks launched across the table and knocks Paris to the ground. Harry jumps on top of the two, followed by Tuvok, then Torres, then the holodoc, then Janeway and Kes.

Paris wriggles out of the bottom of the pile and sits on top of them all, unoticed by Chaks

Chaks: Now! Relent.... before your lungs get crushed... and mine as well... *sucks in air desperately* I can't breathe... but neither can you....

Paris (from top of pile): Why not?

Chaks: suddenly looking betrayed what?? What are you doing up there? Get off, now!!

Paris:In your dreams!!

Q suddenly makes a five-second cameo in the episode. He appears, peruses the pile of Voyager crewmember, tuts a little, and promptly turns the Mess Hall into a large tomato before zipping off.

The end title cuts in, not entirely covering up the muffled shouts and screams of horror and digust from the interior of the tomato once known as the Mess Hall. Dum dum dum dah dum dum dum dah dah dah dum....

The End. Don't ask. Don't even try. 1