Total Drama Action fanfic – "TDA: Photo Shoot Follies"
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Disclaimer: TDI/TDA copyright Fresh TV, Inc./Teletoon. This is a derivative work based on the Total Drama Island series created purely for entertainment value; no profit is being made from its dissemination.
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Author's Note: I know people don't like lengthy notes at the start of a story, but I had to give due spoiler warnings. I'm framing this as a missing episode that occurs after the TDDDDI special and somewhere at the very beginning of TDA's filming. So relationship tensions from this time period are present. Since as of this writing TDA is yet to make it stateside, please don't read this story if you don't wish to be spoiled! No, there won't be a lot of TDA references, but some are here by necessity. Sorry, folks.
Secondly, I decided to use the script writing technique during the confessional scenes, because I thought it might better capture the feel of a real TDI episode. I hope it's not too off-putting.
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Chris stood smirking down at the faces of twenty-two teenagers - some blank, most sullen, and a few downright hostile - but all of whom were nevertheless intently focused on what their celebrity host had to say. His smirk grew even broader as he momentarily basked in the undivided attention... until the distinctive sounds of lip sucking floated up towards him. All right - make that twenty, he mentally amended as he caught sight of Geoff and Bridgette, who were once again wrapped around each other. He shook his head. Teenagers.
"Yo Chris, mind telling us why you dragged us out here?" demanded Leshawna, ever cranky in the early morning. "The sun's not even up!"
Next to her, Gwen stifled a yawn. "Not that I care, but I thought this was supposed to be a challenge day." She looked across the stage at the other bank of sofas. "So what are they doing here?"
"The Queen of the Undead has a point," groused Noah. He raised his fingers in mock quotations. "Since we didn't 'qualify' for this latest round of abuse, shouldn't we be given a pass on these pointless wake-up calls?"
"Is it cutting into your beauty sleep?" taunted Duncan.
"Ooo, witty," retorted Noah. Behind him, Cody looked questioningly over at Chris.
"But Gwen's right. I thought our group was just supposed to be watching from the sidelines, not directly involved in anything anymore." He narrowed his eyes. "So why are we here, too?"
"I'm so glad you asked!" chirped Chris, all the more gleefully as he knew it would grate on their nerves. "Allow me to fill you in...."
He walked over to face the sofas where the eliminated eight sat.
"While it's true that Cody, Eva, Ezekiel, Katie, Noah, Sadie, Tyler and Courtney (he paused to wink knowingly at the glowering girl) are out of the running for the million dollar prize, it doesn't mean that you're free agents. You're all still under contact - as our legal department will helpfully point out to you."
Bloody freaking fine print! thought Courtney savagely.
"And that means even you all can be called on to appear in publicity events like photo shoots... such as the one we're about to do for Sixteen magazine's fall fashion issue!"
There was a round of gasps from both sides of the stage. Then Lindsay shot to her feet. "Oh my gosh, Chunk, are you kidding?"
"Not at all," Chris sighed. "And - once again - it's Chris."
Ignoring him, Lindsay clasped her hands and began to hop in joy. "Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh! I'm going to be on the cover of Sixteen! Now I've really got to get my roots done!"
"Roots? Who gives a damn about roots?" snarled Heather, who suddenly looked panicked. "I need a whole new wig!"
"Why bother? Just go into the janitor's closet and borrow the mop for a bit."
"Shove it, you home-dyed horror!"
"Hold your horses, people!" interrupted Chris, just as the argument between Gwen and Heather threatened to turn nasty. "You're getting way ahead of yourselves. I didn't say that everyone here is going to be a part of the shoot... necessarily."
"Say what?" said Leshawna, who had a (very light) restraining arm on Gwen.
"The sad news is that they only need eight people," said Chris with a helpless shrug. Then he broke into a grin. "But knowing how disappointed you'd all be if you didn't have a fair chance at making the cut, I thought I'd be diplomatic... and let you all compete for it!"
"Oh, forget that," said Gwen, who immediately sat back down. "I don't even want to be in it to begin with."
"Me neither," scowled Eva. She glanced over at Katie and Sadie, who had been caught up in a non-stop squeal since Chris's first announcement. "Let these other airheads knock themselves out in frivolous girlishness."
"Nice try, ladies, but you can't get out of it that easily," smirked Chris. "Everyone is going to try out - no exceptions!"
"This sucks," muttered Eva darkly, looking downwards. Noah frowned skeptically at Chris.
"Why bother? We all know how these things really work," he scoffed. "Ultimately those magazine jerks are only going to want the good-looking people - which cuts down on about half of 'talent' pool right there!"
A wall of silence greeted this comment. Then Duncan raised a fist threateningly.
"I can make it so that one person here fits that bill permanently!"
Noah ignored him. "And it also means there are actually only seven slots available."
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In confessional
Justin: (winks)
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"Hmm... true," acceded Chris as he thoughtfully scratched his chin. "But then again, Sixteen had some very specific requests. First, they wanted couples only. No solo shoots. And second..." The sly grin returned to Chris's face. "They wanted certain stereotypes."
"Stereotypes?" wondered Ezekiel aloud as he carelessly picked his nose. "Are they allowed to do that in this day and age?"
"Let's not go there, Homeschool," mumbled Chris quietly. Then he raised his voice. "Actually, it just means that there are specific looks they want. It's no different than how you yourselves would self-identify. They even helpfully sent us a suggestion list."
At that moment, Chef Hatchet walked out on stage to hand Chris a folded piece of paper, and the two of them exchanged a conspiratorial wink. "So using those parameters, plus all the information we've gathered from the last few months of observing you, Chef and I have already done the dirty work of pairing you all up!"
"Emphasis on the dirty," muttered Heather among the chorus of grumbling that rose up.
"Why can't we pick who we're partnered with?" asked Trent as he glanced worriedly at Gwen. He wasn't too thrilled at the idea of seeing her paired off with another guy so suddenly. They'd barely been going out for more than a week as it was.
"Can we request who we don't want to be partnered with?" added Duncan as he glared across the room. Courtney felt a stab of fear run through her veins as his icy blue eyes caught hers. Then anger overwhelmed her and she brusquely turned away, showing him a cold shoulder. Duncan grit his teeth. Damn, she still creases me so...
"Sorry, guys - it's a done deal!" cackled Chris as he unfolded the paper and gave it a once-over. Then with a smug grin, he sized up all the expectant faces - minus two. He rolled his eyes.
"Okay, if someone would please pry Geoff off of Bridgette for a minute... thank you, D.J. All righty then! These are the pairings:
Couple #1: Geoff and Izzy
"All right! First out of the gate!" whooped Izzy, pumping her fist in the air. "And by the way, call me E-SCOPE!!!"
"Er... what are we talking about?" wondered Geoff.
Couple #2: Ezekiel and Bridgette
"Um, did we miss something?" asked Bridgette, glancing around at her fellow sofa-mates.
"Not a thing," sneered Duncan. "Go back to sucking face."
For a moment the blond couple blinked confusion, waiting for an explanation. Then they shrugged and resumed kissing passionately.
Couple #3: Tyler and Eva
There was a collective sigh of relief from the male half of the audience - all save for Tyler, who gulped. Then he bravely gave Eva a shaky thumbs up.
She flipped him off.
Couple #4: Trent and Lindsay
Trent sighed and looked down at his girlfriend. "Sorry about this."
"Sorry for what?" wondered Gwen. "It's not your fault - Chris is the one calling the shots here. It's not like you picked someone else over me."
Trent smiled softly as he leaned in. "But I was really hoping it would be you," he whispered in her ear. "So... sorry about that."
Gwen returned a coy smile as her cheeks turned red. "In that case... apology accepted."
They were about to sneak a kiss when Lindsay unexpectedly broke in between them.
"All right, I'm finally going to be with TYLER!"
Couple #5: Owen and Leshawna
"Yeah, baby!" whooped Owen upon hearing the news. "This is going to be awesome!"
"I guess," shrugged Leshawna, who was watching Chris with increasing suspicion. Other than the farting, she didn't have a problem being partnered with Owen... but darned if she could see the reasoning behind some of these pairings.
What in the world is that smug jerk playing at?
Couple #6: Harold and Heather
"Absolutely NOT!" yelled Heather as she leapt up and stormed over towards Chris. "Why the heck am I being paired off with that... that... uber-geek!"
"And proud of it!" said Harold primly.
Chris merely smirked. "It's funny you should say that, Heather. But for the record, we really are trying to make this as fair as possible."
"You call this fair?" seethed Heather as she clenched her fists. "What kind of messed-up magazine is ever going to want to use a couple like us for a fashion spread?"
"I'm guessing the same messed-up magazine that would want a spread featuring this next pairing..."
Couple #7: Duncan and Gwen
"Geez, thanks Chris," muttered Gwen as she shot him a dark look.
"Whatever," said Duncan. At least that's over with - being partnered with Gwen meant that he wouldn't have to deal with Princess anytime soon. "I'm fine with this - after all, it could have been a lot worse," he added loudly, glaring back across the stage at Courtney, who jumped and quickly looked away.
Duncan frowned. Was it just his imagination or had she actually looked... disappointed?
He closed his eyes. Yeah, right.
Couple #8: Cody and Beth
Darn. I was hoping I'd end up with someone a lot cuter, thought Cody as he glanced over at Beth. Still, a gentleman ought to be gallant with all the ladies...
"Er... hey, partner!" he laughed weakly. "I guess this will be kind of interesting, eh?"
Beth smiled back faintly before looking down at her shoes.
Shoot. I was really hoping I'd end up with Justin.
Couple #9: Katie and Sadie
"Oh, yeah!" squealed Katie, who immediately threw her arms around her BFFFL's neck. "That means we get to stay together again! EEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Yay, I'm so happy!" squealed Sadie, who enthusiastically returned the hug. EEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Huh? But they're both girls!" cried D.J. in sudden alarm. "Chris, if you take them out of the pool, that means -"
Couple #10: Justin and D.J.
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In confessional
D.J.: (disgusted) Oh, snap. I just had to go jinx myself!
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There was an audible gasp of surprise as everyone turned to look at the new "couple." D.J. sunk his face into his hands, but Justin merely shrugged.
"It's no big deal," he said carelessly. "It's just modeling. It's not like we have to do anything."
Thank goodness for that, thought D.J.
"They did ask for a guy-guy couple. Sorry, dudes, but them's the breaks," explained Chris consolingly. "In any case, that leaves us with:
Couple #11: Noah and Courtney
Noah and Courtney, who happened to be sitting next to each other, cast each other a speculative look. Surprisingly, neither had anything cutting to say about that. For once.
Observing this, Duncan raised a brow.
For some reason, this is creasing me even more...
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