Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Really, I don't. Everything else belongs to me.
The Bastard
Chapter One:
Konoha's Number One Bastard!
~Yesterday~
SLAM!
Sarutobi scowled irritated as he looked up from his paperwork wondering just who would have the audacity to—he sighed as he recognized the masked ANBU dressed in a hooded cloak and a fierce dragon mask with two wickedly sharp horns reaching upward and a snarling mouth standing in the doorway.
Of course. Who else would it be? he thought to himself rhetorically. No one else would simply burst into his private offices like that. Well, at least not without his secretary and the ANBU guards raising a fuss. He saw his personal ANBU guards cowering while his secretary had flattened herself against the wall and pretending to be an ornamental statue at the appearance of said intruder.
The Third Hokage set down his brush and interlaced his fingers together, "Most people think it's polite to knock before entering someone's private rooms Dragon," he remarked dryly.
The masked ANBU cocked his head looking confused, "But if I did that, my chances of catching you with some blackmail worthy material goes way down."
Sarutobi rolled his eyes and wondered once again why had he retaken his old job. And what the Hell had he been thinking when he appointed this man to the ANBU. While it was a good idea for a Ninja to be aware of their surroundings and their associates for potential strengths and weaknesses, Dragon took it to an extreme level by using this information primarily for his own benefit.
Basically by blackmailing people.
Sarutobi sighed feeling weary, as he always did when dealing with this man or 'The Bastard' as most of Konoha referred to him. Usually when they were feeling charitable.
Most of the time, they called him a lot worse.
~Today~
Iruka Umino tried to look seriously stern but he couldn't help a pleased smile bursting forth from his face as he gazed among the newest group of assembled graduates.
"Beginning today, you all are all ninjas," he announced full of pride. His eyes travelled up and down the rows as he saw them proudly straighten at his words. Well, almost all of them. He winced as he saw the beaten and bruised body of Uzumaki Naruto, his upper body lying sprawled over the desktop. He idly wondered just what Naruto had done this time to warrant such treatment. Then he quickly put it out of his mind and continued with his prepared speech.
"But you are only Genins. The lowest of the low and your tests and trials are only beginning. Now," he cleared his throat and picked up a clipboard with several sheets of papers, "you will be separated into 3 man cells. These cells will be led by a Jounin Ninja. In these cells, you will be assigned specific missions and tasks and commissions on behalf of Konohagakure…"
Naruto Uzumaki winced as his body protested moving. He managed to prop himself up to listen at the announcements. Hmmm, who would be on my team… he wondered idly as he glanced around the crowded room. His eye settled momentarily on the raven haired Uchiha and scowled. Anyone as long as it's not him!
Sakura Haruno blushed and clasped her hands together, hoping that she would be assigned with Sasuke. It would be like, Fate declaring that they were destined to be a couple!
Sasuke Uchiha's scowl deepened. A three man cell is two people too many, he thought darkly. The other two weaklings would only slow me down. Hopefully, my Jounin Instructor wasn't some incompetent lazy bastard…
Sasuke would find out later that although it was only one out of three, he would deeply regret the last one.
A lot.
"You want me to WHAT!" Dragon exploded. He briefly fantasized of killing the old goat. It was a wonderful thought but highly impractical. Assassinating the acting Hokage was bound to have a few repercussions. Such as having the entire village after his cute little ass. And although he could quite probably take the entire village, he had better things to do with his time.
So, killing the senile putz was out. This time.
"I'd like you to become a Jounin Instructor for a 3 man Genin Cell." Sandaime repeated, hiding a smirk on his face, clearly unaware just how close to death he had come.
"Have you lost what little marbles you had you old geezer! I hate kids!"
Sarutobi raised an eyebrow, "Considering your age, I think even I would be a kid compared to you," he said dryly.
Once more, Dragon cocked his head confused, "What's your point? Like I said, I hate kids."
Sarutobi sweatdropped. By that definition, you pretty much hate everyone, Inner Sarutobi muttered. Not that he should be too surprised. Only the fact was that Naruto Uzumaki contained the Nine Tailed Fox managed to elevate the blonde boy as the most hated person in Konoha over the Dragon. Who happened to be number two despite his best efforts to surpass Naruto.
"Whatever," the Dragon growled as he rubbed the slightly pointed chin of his mask thoughtfully. Hmmm, well it shouldn't be that hard to—
Sarutobi narrowed his eyes as he caught onto the direction of the Dragon's thoughts. "And you will not deliberately try to cause the deaths of your charges!" he snapped leveling an accusing finger at the masked ANBU.
The Dragon let out a sharp, "Tch!" and snapped his fingers in disgust. Doddering old monkey. He knows me too damn well, he bitterly realized. "Fine …" Dragon grumbled realizing that he wasn't going to get out of this. "But," his finger flicked upward, "I get to choose my team."
Sarutobi paused and puffed his pipe, studying the ANBU for a long moment. "Very well," he said and rummaged around his desk for a moment before he produced a scroll. "The Genin Cell Roster."
"Hey, Iruka Sensei? Just who is our Jounin Mentor anyways?" Naruto asked.
"Hmm … I don't know actually. Let me see, I think the Sandaime said he just had him assigned last night and … OH SHIT! NOT HIM!" Iruka's voice hit a high pitch and his eyes bulged as he read the name.
Iruka's reaction was such that it even attracted Sasuke's attention.
"Uh … you … uh … have n-nothing to worry about…" Iruka gave them an incredibly sickly and patently false grin.
Sakura sweat dropped as even she could tell that Iruka was lying through his teeth.
"A-heh-heh," Iruka chuckled and swallowed before continuing, "You three are … are incredibly … blessed," Iruka looked like he had just swallowed something incredibly sour, "to have an extremely experienced veteran shinobi as your personal instructor, one of the very best in the village."
Sasuke smiled slightly at Iruka's comment, preening at this prestigious honor.
"I uh … think I should warn you though … he is uh … he is a bit … eccentric," Iruka said lamely feeling obligated to warn his former students and trying not to feel like he was pitching them headfirst into a shark infested ocean while coated with blood.
He plucked the scroll out of Sarutobi's outstretched hand and quickly unrolled it and his eyes began running down the list of grouped candidates. He snorted as he quickly sorted through the names. As expected, all of them were losers—he stopped and re-examined the seventh group. A no-name kunoichi, the last of the Uchihas, and the Jiinchuriki. Interesting. Much more interesting than the others, he decided. This might not be so bad after all, he decided as he rolled the cell roster closed. "I'll take Team 7," he said and threw the scroll at the Hokage who caught it.
Sarutobi frowned and coughed, "Er … well, actually Team 7 already has been assigned to Hatake Kakashi—"
"Oh he is, is he?" Dragon inquired lightly.
Elsewhere, Kakashi suddenly felt an impending feeling of doom. He gave a quick survey of his surroundings and then shrugged before returning back to Icha Icha Paradise. He giggled as he flipped the page and continued reading.
"THREE FREAKING HOURS!" Ino Yamanaka shrieked.
Shikamaru winced and tried to bury himself deeper into the wood of the desk. He had managed to get a little nap in but the screeching of the harpy beside him had finally woken him up. And probably anyone within a quarter-mile of her, part of his mind remarked sarcastically. This is already starting to look troublesome, he mused to himself. Beside him, Choji tore open another bag of chips and began munching.
Sasuke twitched and fought the urge to glare at the blonde fangirl. He quickly realized after the first hour of glaring at her that Ino apparently enjoyed him looking at her and somehow translated that he was attracted to her. He quickly decided that he was better off ignoring her and brooding on tardy instructors. One Fireball jutsu, that's all I ask, he thought to himself darkly.
Naruto cackled as he carefully set about his masterful trap. This would be great, he thought to himself as he wedged the eraser.
Sakura sighed and wondered just where was their Jounin Sensei. One of them, she might understand being tardy but two?
Suddenly there was the familiar creak of the loose floorboard outside of the classroom and the door began to slide open.
"Well, I don't know Dragon," Kakashi said scratching his head. "The Council wanted me to train the Uchiha and I personally requested that Naruto be assigned to me. If you want I suppose I could transfer the girl—"
"I'll be taking all of them Damn Cyclops," Dragon interrupted.
Kakashi sweated and nervously tugged at the collar of his flak jacket, "Look, I have my orders and—"
Dragon reached into his cloak and extracted an orange book. A familiar orange book. Kakashi blinked and his hand immediately dropped to his belt pouch instinctively. He began rummaging in it and horrified, realized that his precious book was missing even as the Dragon pulled out a cigarette lighter and snapped the wheel and held the flame to the paper which began smoking.
Kakashi's singular eye widened. "OK! OK! Take them! They're yours!" he shrieked.
Instantly, Dragon flicked the flame off and repocketed the lighter. "Was that so difficult?" he asked as he threw the book at Kakashi who clutched it protectively.
"There, there baby," he crooned.
"Pathetic," Dragon snorted and turned away.
The masked ninja with silver hair now dusted with chalk surveyed the group with his single eye. He looked at each of them, assessing them, cataloguing them. Shikamaru noticed that the ninja seemed to linger momentarily at Sasuke and then surprisingly on the chortling Naruto the longest. Then his eye closed and his features changed into what Shikamaru assumed was a smile beneath his mask. "My first impression of you guys is … I hate you."
He slid the door shut behind him and strolled to the chalkboard and replaced the eraser. "Team 10. You're with me."
"It's about time!"
"No!"
Ino and Naruto exploded more or less simultaneously. Naruto continued, stamping his foot, "Then where the Hell is our Jounin Sensei?!"
The masked ninja straightened and smacked his palm with his other fist. "Oh yeah. Your Team 7 right?" he asked and at their nods he continued, "Your Jounin Sensei asked me to drop off a message for you…"
Team 7 all instinctively leaned forward. "… but I forgot it," Kakashi finished.
Both Sakura and Naruto face faulted while Sasuke's eye twitched.
Kakashi laughed and scratched the back of his head, "My bad."
"Don't worry too much Damn Cyclops, you'll get another team to torment," Dragon sneered. "In the meantime, while you're there, you can drop off a message for me…"
Kakashi looked up from cradling his precious reading material. What am I your personal messenger?
As if sensing Kakashi's silent traitorous thought, Dragon's head turned to him and tilted slightly. "That's not a problem for you … IS IT?" he growled.
Kakashi took a step backwards and defensively shielded his book. "No! No! Not at all! Happy to!" he said hastily. You Bastard, he quietly, very quietly thought to himself.
"Didn't think so," Dragon said chuckling demonically to himself.
A/N: Another story idea I happened to come up with. I've read a few stories where Team 7 gets another Jounin Sensei instead of Kakashi and I liked the idea but thought that all of the good ones had already been taken. So I decided to invent my own.
Dragon is my own creation although I will admit that I took quite a bit of his personality from Nabiki Tendo from Ranma ½ and Yoichi Hiruma from Eyeshield 21. Normally, I don't go too much for sports manga but Riichiro Inagaki and Yusuke Murata created a series that I immediately got hooked on. Go out and read it. It's a pretty funny series. You don't have to know anything about football, the series is pretty good about explaining the basics. Hiruma happens to be my favorite character in the series. In case you hadn't guessed.
I do like Kakashi though and didn't want to get rid of him entirely so I decided to stick him as Team 10's Jounin. I don't think I've seen any stories where he's stuck with that team.
