The Popular, Green, Discoing Grapefruits' Cousins are Coming! The... You Know
A/N: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

Hermione: Hello, folks. The R.H. team, consisting of Ronald Weasley and me, Hermione Granger, is here with Harry Potter for an exclusive interview!
Ron: Herm, what's an exclusive interview?
Hermione: Don't ask me. I'm just supposed to say it. I am *not* a walking dictionary, you know!
Harry and Ron: (Give her quizzical look)
Hermione: Okay, okay. I get the point.
Ron: Anyway, now onto our first question-
Hermione: So tell me, Harry. What is your favorite color?
Harry: Green. But I also like red.
Ron: What an original answer! Now onto the next question. Harry, what would you be most likely to do if a convicted murderer walked into the room at this very moment?
Harry: Hug him!
Hermione: That's great, Harry. But now, you have to prove it. Will the audience please welcome Sirius Black!
Sirius: (Walks in) Hi, Harry!
Harry: Sirius!!! (Hugs Sirius)
Ron: Well, he wasn't lying.
Hermione: Now, the questions will go for both of you! Okay, Harry, what is your favorite food?
Harry: Candy.
Ron: Now that's my kind of answer! Sirius?
Sirius: Dead rats. Mice are good too.
Hermione: Okaaaay. Um, I need to go puke. Ron, can you ask the next question?
Ron: Sure thing, Hermione. (Gives phony smile and stupid wink) Harry, how many letters would you say you've written in the past year. (To Sirius, of course.)
Harry: Um.... let me see. Do you have a calculator.
Hermione: Gorgeous answer. (Rolls eyes sarcastically.) Sirius, how about you?
Sirius: I don't write myself letters.
Ron: Really? I do. (Gives high-pitched, stupid, laugh.)
Hermione: Yeah.... well, Harry.
Harry: (Eyes have glazed over and is staring into the audience.) Yeah, Lavender?
Hermione: Uh, Harry? I'm not Lavender. It's Her-mi-on-e. As in, your best friend. Hello-o?
Harry: Oh. Sorry, Goyle.
Hermione: Well, I feel insulted. (Looks toward audience where Harry is staring and groans.) Harry, look away from the audience. Harry, away.
Ron: (Sees what Herm sees) Oh, that's great.
Harry: (Mummy walks into audience and sits down next to Cho.)
Ron: Er- we'll be back after these messages.
TV commercial guy: Do you ever get cold at night? Well, buy a blanket, stupid!
Ron: (Smiles weakly.) Um... welcome to the er- R team. Consisting of ME, Ronald Weasley. (Looks over at Hermione who is now banging her head against a wall.) Um... today we are interviewing Sirius Black, cuz the real guy we were supposed to interview uh.... left. (Looks over at Harry who is gazing into outer space.) Uh... Sirius. I mean, Mr.... I mean... We'll be back after these messages.
TV commercial guy: Do you get cold at night? Well, buy a blanket, stupid.
TV guy 2: I'm cool. Come to a rap concert.
Ron: Gulp... welcome back to the R team. uh... thatstheend!
(Audience claps lazily.)

Finis.