Rating: T may go up. Not sure yet.

Summary: Santana Lopez had only ever wanted one thing, she made a mistake and lost the love of her life, writing in her journal she thinks back at the events that made her lose the most precious thing. Her only one. AU. Set in England, as I'm English makes it easier. Any questions PM me. Suck at summaries. Title is from the ATL song of the same name.

Disclaimer: Don't own Glee or any of the characters, would love to though.

My Only One

Hello. My name is Santana Marie Lopez, and I am 16 years old.

I like many things.

Food, music, horror films, Disney films, (like the really old ones, my favourite one is The Lion King, but if you tell anyone I'll deny it immediately and you will have to watch your back cos I will come for you and go all South East London on your sorry ass.) Singing, writing, drawing, reading, Star wars, superheroes, (I am a little bit of a nerd. See previous threat.) But most of all? I like her.

Brittany S. Pierce.

Only, she'd never look twice at me. Not since that.

I won't go into what that was now, but I genuinely regret what I did. I love her, and now she won't even acknowledge my existence.

It all started when we were 7...

/

'MIJA, HURRY UP, YOU'LL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL' I heard my mothers voice from downstairs. I looked around my room. It's a complete mess and I can't find my shoes. I knew mami was right when she told me to tidy it, but being a smart assed 7 year old, I refused to, she wants it clean, she should do it herself.

'MIJA! NOW!' I quickly saw my smart school shoes sticking out from under a pile of clothes. I grabbed them and hopped downstairs, trying to put them on while avoiding my older brother as he shoved me out of the way so he could go to the bathroom. My mami was still calling me and I hurried as quickly as I could. She was waiting in the car, I grabbed an apple and my school bag as I jumped in the passenger seat beside her.

'Finally, what took you so long?'

'I coudn't get my shoes on' I mumbled with a mouthful of apple. Wasn't a complete lie but I wasn't going to admit to her that I couldn't find them because of the state of my room, that would be a win for her. Even as a 7 year old I was snarky and didn't see eye to eye with my mother. I was rather mature for someone my age.

She pulled out of our driveway and headed to Georgewood Primary school in South London. It was the start of a new term and I couldn't wait to see my friends again. Quinn, my best friend had been on holiday all summer and I didn't get to see her at all. I admit my summer had been rather sucky. The family who lived next door moved away, so I couldn't play with their kid anymore, the house had been sold but no one had moved in yet. I spent most of the summer at mi abuelas or in my room.

School passed like normal, excitement in the air. I hated it. Looking around in the assembly at the sea of people, all in our bad uniform, who has bright orange uniform? Ugh. The only good things that happened were seeing Quinn and finding out we had a new student that would be starting next week. Well it wasn't all that good in my opinion but that caused the most excitement, all the boys were convinced it was gonna be a tough guy from the inner city, and that he would be best friends with all of them and kick ass. This one guy, Puck as he liked to be called, said that no matter how tough this new guy was, he would kick his ass. Whereas all the girls, Quinn included, said it was gonna be a really pretty girl from the countryside and she would be really rich and have like 5 ponies. I didn't know and didn't care. So what? A new student. Woop de doo.

It wasn't til I got home that I found anything to become remotely interested in. There was a moving truck next door to my house. I had to walk home from school cos Mami was working and so was Papi. I jogged up the pavement to my house and stopped when I saw a woman exit the house next door.

'Brittany, can you please help us out? I know that you want to play with Lord Tubbington but he's only a kitten and you need to take him inside so he can get used to new surroundings.' She had a funny accent, and from watching TV I guessed she was American. I looked to my left and saw a little girl hop out of a car just in front of the truck. She was really pretty, she had long blonde hair and blue eyes, she was carrying what looked like a cage with a big ball of fluff in it. I stared at the girl, I assumed it was Brittany. She turned and saw me looking, she grinned suddenly and skipped over to me. I wanted to run inside before she talked to me but I was stuck fast and soon she was standing before me with her hand held out for me to shake.

'I'm Brittany S. Pierce. My mummy said not to talk to strangers but you look really pretty and friendly and I'm guessing you're my new neighbour, so I thought I should come say hi. This Lord Tubbington, he's my cat. He's really friendly too and says hi as well.' She talked really fast and with the same accent. She was still smiling massively with her hand held out, looking at me expectantly.

'I'm Garbage fa- Er, Santana. Santana Lopez.' I said taking her outstretched hand and shaking it.

'You have a really nice name San. I like it a lot and it really suits you, do you wanna come round and play sometime? We have a trampoline and I would like to be your friend.'

I didn't know what to do so I nodded, dumbfounded at this girls honestly and if I'm honest her eyes. I couldn't stop looking at them.

'Brittany? Who is this?' A tall man said coming over to us with a massive box in his hands. I realised I was still holding her hand and I quickly pulled away, grabbing the straps of my backpack.

'This is Santana Lopez, daddy, she is our neighbour and my new best friend.' I blushed, even with my darker complexion you could still see my cheeks had grown pinker. I don't know why I blushed maybe it's because she was so forward.

'Nice to meet you Santana, I'm Christopher, Brittanys dad. Do you go to Georgewood?' I nodded. I noticed his accent wasn't as strong. 'Brittany is starting there next week, once we are settled, it's nice that she knows someone already.'

'Yay! San you'll help me won't you?' I nodded again, I was really nervous around her for some reason. 'Thank you Sanny! Daddy, I have a friend already.' He laughed and ruffled her hair.

I smiled for the first time since meeting this strange girl. 'I-I should go in... I have chores to do before mi mami gets home.'

'Of course. It was nice meeting you Santana.' Christopher said smiling.

'Bye San!' Brittany said as she waved and skipped off indoors carrying her cage of fluff with her. I quickly turned on my heels and went inside.

I managed to finish all my chores before my brother Marco returned home. My mum would be home at 5. I looked at the clock. 4:30. Marco was in his room doing homework and I decided to make cookies for Brittany.

I got my kids cookbook from my bedroom and sat at the kitchen island looking over the recipes. Mi mami came home and was curious as to how my first day at school was. I didn't mention school much at all. All I could talk about the blonde haired blue eyed american girl next door. Mami laughed and agreed to help me make her cookies, and that we'd drop them round after dinner.

I was happy with this arrangement, we made double chocolate chip ones. She should love them. Papi laughed at my excitement about my new friend, they both knew I wasn't a very friendly girl and the fact that I hit it off with someone new so quickly they were happy about. Mami came with me as I skipped up their path, the plate of cookies in my hands.

I guess Brittany saw me coming as she answered the door before I even got to their porch. 'Hey San!'

I smiled at her nickname for me, no-one else calls me San.'Hey Britt. We made cookies for you!'

Her parents appeared behind her and our parents introduced themselves while Brittany dragged me inside with the cookies. I wasn't as nervous as earlier. I looked around and noticed all the cardboard boxes dotted about. They layout was the same as my house and she took me into the kitchen. She took the plate and put it on the side. I saw the ball of fluff from the cage earlier sitting on the back of the couch. She picked it up and brought it over. When she came closer I noticed two yellow eyes glaring at me.

'This is Lord Tubbington. He's my kitten. He looks fat but he's just big boned.' She seemed to always be smiling, and in truth it was infectious. I giggled and stroked him gently. 'He likes you' She said as he started purring. He was kinda cute once you get past the glaring eyes and all the puffy fur.

'Mija? Time to go, you have school tomorrow.' My mother called from the front door. I pouted and turned to Britt.

'I gotta go, I'll see you after school tomorrow?'

'Promise?'

'I promise.' She held out her pinky and I took it in my own smiling. I skipped out to my mum and we went home waving.

/

I remember that day like it was yesterday. The first time I ever saw Brittany. I remember everything. Looking back on it now, it was impossible for me not to fall in love with her. She was just perfect. She still is. I cry everytime I think of her, of that day. The way she makes me feel. All because of a few stupid mistakes. She's always been my everything, ever since that moment when she came bounding up to me.

I've never been one for feelings. For emotions. My parents probably helped with that. They have always been pretty shitty. There were a few rare occasisions, like that one, where they appeared to be good, loving parents. Anyway I can't blame them for my stupidity. Ha. That word. Stupid. That fucking word was probably part of why she hasn't spoken to me for a year. She passes me in the hallway at school but just looks straight ahead. In my classes, she's on the opposite side of the room.

What I wouldn't give to hold her again. To feel the softness of her skin. Feel the warmth of her body radiating off her as we snuggled in my bed watching Disney films and eating junk food. Even just to hear her voice. But the one thing I miss about her the most is her smile. The smile that lights up a room and makes my heart perform complicated gymnastic manoeuvres in my chest. Fuck I miss that.

I miss her. Terribly. She's the only thing in my life that was good. Now I don't even have that. I'm nothing without her. There's that saying. 'You don't realise how good you have it, until it's gone.' Or something like that. There hasn't been a truer saying in my opinion. Except maybe 'Santana Lopez you're a worthless nothing.'

I know we're only young but sometimes you just know. The moment I lost her, I felt as though another part of me had been torn away. I felt like half a girl. I would never say any of this outloud. That's why I'm writing it in here. Everything.

Brittany was the light in the dark. The good in the bad. The yin to my yang. My soulmate.

I need her back, but I can't have her. And that's all my fault. I have lost My Only One.

/

A/N Hey all thanks for reading this, I know that I am currently working on another fic ATM, a SYOC one but obviously that takes aaages and I will update as soon as I am happy with what I got, still got more characters to introduce. But for now I wrote this, I gots way too many ideas to focus, so I figure getting them out would be a good start. I try to use American terms where possible, but this is set in South East London, cos I actually know about that area. Woop. Anyway please review and if you have any questions then hit me up.

Gx