You're shaking. You should be happy after closing a case but you're shaking and you're crying and you miss her. The images of those poor kids with IVs in their arms and fear in their eyes won't leave you alone. They remind you of yourself, well the old you, the you who died back in that small Pennsylvania town.

You told your friends that it was soccer camp, that you were having fun all summer by a beautiful lake. You couldn't tell them the truth or they would hate you as much as your parents did. That summer you finally understood Ros and if it wasn't for a scholarship taking you away from that nightmare you would have joined her.

Your parents found your diary; the baby blue one with your name written across its front and your secrets in its heart. The next thing you knew you were shipped off to a conversion camp and you never saw her again. It wasn't as extreme as the one you just shut down but it was bad enough. You were forced to wear dresses and kiss boys, you were stripped of everything that made you you. They broke you.

It wasn't until you met Emily that you were put back together again. She fills something inside you, some dark hole that the camp and words of hate from your parents stabbed into your heart. Only Emily can make you feel complete.

So you shake and you cry because she isn't here beside you. Nothing good lasts forever. She left you just like everyone eventually does, but then again that isn't fair because she wanted you to leave with her. She loved you! But you were too scared. You kissed her and in that one embrace you tried to convey all the words that you couldn't say. Thankfully she understood and left with tears in her eyes. After that you went back to that dark alone space that the camp brought you too.

Your phone is buzzing but you don't look at it. You clutch the pillow closer to your chest and cry harder. You loved Emily so much but you never told her.

Wiping your eyes angrily you finally look at your phone. It's Emily. 'I miss you.'

You're ready, you're not scared anymore. The hole in your heart can't be denied any longer. You ache for her. S you dial her number and hold your breath until her soft voice reaches your ear.

"Jennifer?"

"I'm ready Emily."