In the office…
Pam: Um, Angela, you have a.. gift up here.
(Angela walks up to the front desk. Andy is there with members of his a cappella group.)
Andy: Ready guys? One.. two.. one, two, three, four—
Group: I'm sorry, so sorry, that I was such a fool. I didn't know love could be so cruel. Oh oh-oh oh, oh oh, oh yes. You tell me mistakes are part of being young, but that don't right the wrong that's been done. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…
(Angela gives Andy a look and walks away angrily.)
Group member: Hey Andy, beer me your wallet. You said you'd pay us for this gig.
Andy: Ugh, fine. Here's a fiver… (sigh) keep the change.
Opening sequence.
Talking head…
Michael: Today is a very big day, because I have to give a proposal to corporate about our branch. Ryan has told me to stick to the numbers, because that is what the CFO, David Wallace, is looking for. He wants to know, if we need more people at our Scranton branch… and, I'm inclined to say no. We are, a happy little family here in Scranton. I am the dad, obviously… and, even though she technically doesn't work here anymore, Jan is like my wife, and the mother of our employees, our children…. Except Toby. He's like.. Jan's illegitimate child that I tolerate. And Creed, who is the strange.. uncle.
Oscar: Michael has accounting working on the content of his proposal to corporate because, quote, "we can manipulate numbers the best." We are supposed to make it look like this branch's sales are excelling, so our strategy is, even though our numbers are not the highest they could be, we are going to make it look like our market of clients isn't as big as other branches' markets… so, we're doing well with what we have to work with… I hope that corporate buys into it.
Phyllis: Michael had me knit a sweater for David, the CFO, because he wants Scranton to look like the "caring branch." I told Michael that he had a little brown on his nose… but he didn't understand what that meant….. (smiling) He went to the bathroom to go check in the mirror.
Michael: Okay, people! I want everyone at work on this proposal! This is very important! No lunch breaks!!... (he gets stares from everyone) Unless we have to, uh, which I think we do because that would be against company policy. Ok, but! It would show your dedication to our branch if you did work through lunch, so.. think about that.
Dwight: Michael, (jumps up from his desk) I am going to work through lunch.
Michael: That is great, Dwight. See people? This is dedication!
Dwight: Because, I have to go on a sales call. (in a lowered voice) Apparently, the hospital has a new policy about colored paper forms, so I plan to be on them like a brown bear on an unsuspecting woodsman who has littered all over his campsite…. (he leaves)
Michael: Okay…. Sales? Anyone else going out on a call?
Andy: I will go on one, if you think I should.
Michael: Sure.. Andy. Any leads?
Andy: No, but I know that Jim here has a couple that he is itchin to go on, and I would love to accompany him.
Michael: Is that true Jim?
Jim: Uh, yeah.. but I can definitely handle it—
Michael: No way! We need some tag teaming! Some gangbanging!
Jim: Uh, there is no way you mean to say—
Michael: Oh yes I do Jim. You and Andy will gangbang the hell out of your potential clients today. Go!
Andy: (enthusiastically) Yes!...
Talking head…
Andy: Jim is essentially a pawn in my game. I knew he had leads. I knew I, needed to get out of the office today. And I knew Michael would tell us to go, and so now, we are… Why do I need to get out of the office? Well, let's just say, the game that Jim is a pawn of mine in, is the game of love. Angela, and I are having some relationship problems, and things are a little….. awkward.
Angela: (crying) He let my cat, Sugar, out into the backyard. She does NOT go outside because of her rash, and I have told Andy this, but he let her out anyway. And because of that, she got sprayed by a skunk!... But the worst part…. is…. to try and get the smell off of her, he… shaved her entire body with his electric razor! My outdoor cats have been sprayed by skunks before, and all you do for them is bathe them in hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and liquid soap. But did he ask me what to do for her? No!... Seeing Sugar, shaved from the tops of her little ears to the very bottom of her tail… Ugh! Andy Bernard, has no sense of compassion for animals. Or for me. (sigh) I will just tell you now, I am rethinking, my relationships.
Andy: Now look, that cat was out of control. High on catnip or something. And, it scratched me when I tried to rescue it from the skunk, (holds up his arm, which has scratch marks on it) so.. it got what it deserved, in my opinion… And the stench, was unbearable, so I just thought of what was on hand to get rid of it, which was my electric razor!.. Ugh. (puts his face in his hands) Basically, I'm going to have Jim help me pick out the best forgiveness present for Angela that we can find. If I shower her with gifts, she will come back to me, like a fragile bird that returns from winters in the south. You can bank on that.
