Kate sat on the couch opposite the crying girl. She was a girl in her eyes, not the adult she tried so hard to be. A girl just barely eighteen who had just been told that her mother was dead. These cases were the hardest. Kate identified too easily with girls like this one across from her, and had to fight so hard to remain professional. Her first instinct was always to grab their hand for comfort, cry along with them, and sometimes she even wanted to wrap her arms around them and gently rock them back and forth, spewing half-truths about how it gets easier. Because it does get easier, but the longing ache she feels when she thinks of her mother never leaves.
Kate shifted forward, taking a deep breath to ground herself to the task at hand. "Naya, can you think of anyone who might want to hurt your mother? Someone who might have wanted this?"
The young woman looked up, her brown eyes bloodshot and her mascara running. "No one. I hadn't really talked to her in a few weeks though." Her face squished as her eyes closed, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "I was mad at her."
"We all get angry at our mothers. It happens, and it's okay."
Naya shook her head, her tight curls bouncing about with the movement. "No but I was really angry at her. I didn't think she would die with me still angry at her!" Naya played with her hands, her nails painted a deep red, trying to steady herself before she continued. "Mom kept trying to set me up. The hairdresser's son, her co-worker's kid, random guys she met at the gym. And I kept finding ways to cancel the dates. She was mad that I wouldn't even keep one."
Kate flashed her a small smile. "Why not keep one just to appease her?"
Naya shrugged. "It would have been easier. Truthfully, I was preparing myself to tell her that I wasn't interested in boys. But she kept trying to set me up, and I felt like I wasn't good enough, and I just snapped at her." She touched her elbow to her knee and rested her head in her hand. "The last thing I told her was 'you need to keep your nose out of other people's business, especially mine.' I stormed off, and ignored her calls, preparing for the day I was actually going to tell her why I didn't want to go on any of those dates." Her eyes brimmed with tears again. "I was going to call her tonight, after work."
Kate didn't know what to say. This younger woman reminded her so much of herself, confident, sure of what she wants, not afraid to stick up for herself, and yet so vulnerable in this difficult situation. "I really am so sorry for your loss." She offered, breaking her own rule and stretching her hand across the table to a woman in need.
"That's the last thing I said to her. I mean, think of the last thing you said to your mother. Now imagine if that were the last thing she ever heard you say? Would you be happy with that?"
Kate didn't usually tell her story to the families of murder victims. She wanted to appear tough, smart, and unrelenting, giving them hope that she would bring them justice. She never wanted to seem vulnerable, like she was doing this just because she couldn't catch her mother's killer. So Naya had no idea how close to home her words hit.
She thought back to the last day she saw her mom, as normal of a morning as possible. Her parents were finishing breakfast while she got ready for her morning run. They were going over their schedules for the day, trying to plan the point where they would grab lunch together. It was one of her favorite things that her parents did, make sure they got lunch together every day. Sometimes it was simple, like Remy's, but sometimes her dad called a fancy place ahead of time, put in their orders, and took her someplace where they didn't have to think about criminals or depositions or which judge they were appearing in front of. No, instead, they could focus on themselves, and fall a little more in love, and it was sickening, but sweet and exactly what Kate wanted someday. It was during all of this that Johanna had mentioned that she might not be able to make it to dinner. Kate remembers looking up from her shoes, her mouth falling open. "Should I remind you that I am getting on a plane tomorrow to go back to California, and that dinner tonight is my last real chance to say goodbye?"
Johanna had sighed, walking over to Kate and running her hands through the younger woman's hair. "I know that, Katie, but this case is kind of crazy, this guy was framed by some pretty powerful people, and I need to have every tiny piece of evidence lined up perfectly before I can go to anyone with it." She had grabbed Kate's hand, squeezing it softly as she explained. "This guy has been in jail long enough. I want to free him."
Kate shook her head. "You're going to burn yourself out. You always do. Take some time to relax with your family tonight, and you can go right back to it." Johanna still looked unsure. "If you can find time for lunch with dad, you can definitely find time for dinner with me on my last night in town. Please."
Johanna had sighed. "I'll try Katie. No promises, but I'll try."
Kate had laughed. "You better. I'll be so mad if you skip out on dinner! You will feel my wrath from three thousand miles away!" She dropped her voice to her chest, growling the words out, causing both of her parents to laugh.
Johanna whirled back to the table, picking up her briefcase and pressing a kiss to her husband's lips before rushing back over towards Kate. "I don't want your wrath." She pressed a gentle kiss to Kate's head. "I've seen your wrath, it's scary." They all laughed at that. She opened the front door. "I wouldn't miss it. Love you, Katie."
She shut the door before Kate could tell her she loved her back. And although her last words were said in jest, she couldn't help but feel guilty about them. Were they what raced through her mother's mind as she was stabbed over and over and over? Did she think that Kate was angry at her? Did she feel guilty about losing her life because Kate was going to be angry for a brief moment in time? If she could go back, she would race to that door, one shoe on her foot, and tell her mom that she loved her back.
Kate snapped back to reality, focusing again on the crying girl in front of her. "Hey. Listen to me." Naya's brown eyes met Kate's hazel ones, and she listened attentively to every word coming from the detective's mouth. "You can't focus on the bad. Focus on the good, all the fun you had with her growing up. We all say things we don't mean, and you shouldn't ever feel guilty for expressing the fact that you were upset." Kate hesitated. "Do you think your mom would have accepted your lifestyle?"
Naya smiled softly, her eyes wrinkling in the corners. "Yeah. She set up everyone really, including my cousin, Robert. He is now happily married to one of her dates for him, a guy named Jonah.
Kate smiled back at her. "Good. Now when you meet the right girl, just think of what your mom would say about her." She glanced through the window at her partner, who was sitting in his chair, chatting with the boys. "You'll miss her, but know that she would be happy as long as you were happy." Kate shrugged. "Or talk to her now. Those can't be your last words to her if you keep talking to her. She can't answer back, but I'm sure she can hear you."
That was actually the only thing Kate knew about anything, that her mom could hear her. She talked to her a lot, about Castle and their budding relationship, about how badly she was trying to catch Bracken in a lie so she could slap the cuffs on him, about how well her dad was doing now, and sometimes about her weird little office family that she had found in Lanie and the boys. "How do you know so much?" Naya's voice snapped her back to the present, concern etched into the younger woman's face.
Kate smiled and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I lost someone once. This helps me when I miss her."
"I'm sorry."
Kate chuckled. "I'm supposed to be comforting you here!" They both laughed at that, and Kate was happy she could do that, make Naya forget her pain for even just a moment. She covered Naya's darker hand with her other one, clasping it tightly. "I promise, I will work my hardest to try and solve this. I will try to get justice for your mom."
Naya added her second hand to the mix. "Thank you, Detective."
The older woman shook her head, her loose curls dancing across her back. "No. Call me Kate."
A/N: Written for Castle Fanfic Monday based on a photo from the mycastleconfessions tumblr. "I want to know the last words Beckett spoke to her mom."
