What's Happening in Hyrule – The Ordona Enquirer

by Allexandra Radcliffe

'allo again! I know I should be updating The News of Nothing's Call and Behind the News, but I was sick all last week and I came up with this between hacking up a lung and watching that CSI marathon on Spike. Besides, I want my GameCube back so I can play Twilight Princess some more!

Well, anyway, this was obviously inspired by TNoNC, except it's a little different. These are the newspapers (and maybe letters, I'm still thinking about it) of the places and people Link runs into on his travels through Hyrule and the Twilight Realm. Of course, there's going to be spoilers.

Oh, and if anyone can think of a better title for this, please tell me. Titles aren't exactly my strong point, unfortunately.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess; it belongs to Nintendo. Yay Nintendo.


The Ordona Enquirer

Nothing happens in Ordon Village. (Even though people say my work doesn't get done. It does! Link does it!) So I'll investigate some stuff and make this newspaper-thing.

Fado

AYLE AIEL ALIENS!!!!

Stuff has gone missing. Like Uli's baby basket and some food for the goats. (See, I do feed them!) Those crazy kids said something about a monkey, but that's ridiculous. Why would monkeys steal goat food? The only possible answer is… ALIENS!!!

See, I was once reading this book about a little girl working on a farm. (Like me! Only she raised cows, not goats.) And every year, these aliens would come in a glowy ball and steal her cows. The aliens had glowing yellow eyes and claws for hands, and they took her and the cows! But then a kid in green came and saved her. So when the aliens come, Link will save us all!

But where will the aliens come from? They might be from Hyrule. I mean, who knows what kinda people they have there? I heard Hylians eat rocks, and can breathe underwater, and even worship a dark god that'll possess the moon and bring it down to destroy everything. Wait a second…

Goats Plus Evil Gods Equals…End of the World!

The goat horns look like full moons. And they act like they're possessed sometimes. They knocked Link off Epona yesterday. So maybe the Hylians have invoked their dark god already! And they want to destroy Ordon Village first!

Update – Link Will Save Us!

Link and Epona just rounded up the goats (I would've done it, but I was writing) and Rusl is sending him to Hyrule. So now we don't have to worry about the dark Hylian god coming to destroy us, since Link is awesome enough to stop anything! Like those goats that always manage to get out. (Which is not my fault. At all.)

But wait, now who's going to round up the goats?


Short and random, I know. Next one should be coming soon. Read and review, please!