Never Seems Enough
By: Nicole Lopez
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or its characters, but this story is mine and so is the idea.
Summary: This is a story about the value of friendship and having someone to pick you up when everyone else is kicking you down. Two girls from completely different backgrounds and cliques realize that they have more in common than they thought while dealing with vicious rumors, broken families, ruined reputations, and life's numerous shortcomings.
Author's Note: Jimmy did get shot, but he didn't end up in a wheelchair.
Chapter One: She Hates Me
Hazel
I had thought long and hard about the journey that I was about to make to the point that I was having a splitting headache. But, I still felt torn about it, whether or not to take my relationship with Jimmy to a new level. To everyone else, we seem perfect; we depend on each other and we tell each other everything. I know things about him that his parents don't even know, vice versa.
It wasn't like it was a big deal or anything. Well, it was, but in my mind we were already married. We have been "engaged" for about a month now, and it was our senior year in high school. The only thing that was stopping them from having a formal wedding was our age. Both of us are 17 and my parents would never agree to me marrying Jimmy. They didn't even know how serious our relationship was.
And for some reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that loving him and not being equally emotionally, mentally, and physically intimate. It just didn't seem right. I knew that Jimmy would never admit it, but he wanted more too … I could sense it and ultimately, I knew that I was the one holding the cards because I had the most to lose. As I walked out of the front door of my house, I told my parents that I was spending the night at Paige's which I completely planned to do.
Completely covered with my Hijab, I knew they weren't going to question my intentions. They never did and I was beginning to wonder whether they even cared as long as I kept up my 'good girl' image and didn't disgrace the family. As I got into the car, I rushed to Paige's house to change. Jimmy was going to meet me there and I only had an hour to get ready before … my life would change forever. I was both excited and nervous at the same time.
As Paige flipped my hair upwards, I began to feel jittery. What if I couldn't do this? What if I just had a break-down in front of Jimmy or got all emotional about it—that would be so humiliating. While taking in deep breaths, Paige said, "You look gorgeous."
"I'm sorry you can't go." I apologized. Everyone was going to be at our school's big fall formal and Paige was grounded.
"Yeah, well at least my parents don't know about who I'm dating." She whispered. "If I can get them out of the house for a few, I'll be able to call him. It wouldn't want to go to the formal if I couldn't have him there anyway."
"Yeah." I nodded, taking one last look at myself. The royal blue dress Paige and I picked out was perfect. It was strapless with a low back that stopped an inch above my hip bones and the bottom fanned out like a mermaid tail. The bell rang.
"That must be him." Paige smiled, excitedly as if her boyfriend was at the door instead of mine.
"I'll get it." I rushed to the door, breathless as soon as I opened it. It was Jimmy and he looked … faultless. Instantly all of my worries and fears about what was going to happen tonight disappeared. I had him, my 'fiancé' and he was all I needed.
Manuela aka Alicia
"It's not that I don't want to be with you…" I began as Spinner continued kissing me. Lately, I was beginning to feel like all he wanted to do was sleep with me. "It's just that this is a new year and I want to start it off right." I sighed, resting my hands on his shoulders.
"Why should we break up Manny? You're finally back and--"
"It's over." I repeated, not wanting to think about the two years of my life I had lost while being in foster care. Luckily, I ended up back here, but everything that was once good was starting to look sour again.
"Come on Manny. Don't be that way." Spinner kissed me again.
"No. No!" I yelled, pushing him off. "Leave me alone." Jumping out of the limo, I walked into the Degrassi High School's fall formal. It was the first time people had seen me since … Paige and I got into that huge fight and I wanted to make a good impression. Alone.
Looking for a familiar face, I walked all around the gym wishing that someone would say something to me, even acknowledge that I was there, but no one did. It was always the same. I was just some slut with a diva attitude to them.
"Manny, is that you?" Liberty van Zant asked all-of-a-sudden, while holding onto JT tighter as I turned around. Like I wanted him anyway.
"Yeah. But, it's Alicia now. Good to see you." I hugged her, feeling like our reunion was less-than-genuine. "I couldn't stay away from here."
"Yeah. I heard that your mother was dealing with schizophrenia and your father left." She blurted out without any regards to my feelings. Looking away from JT, I searched for the right words.
"I'm sorry about that." JT spoke up, looking as though he wanted to console me right then and there, but we both knew that Liberty would have a fit, and everyone would misconstrue it.
"Who cares about the past? We make our own destiny's right?" I replied, trying to change the atmosphere into something more light-hearted, but all I was aware of was the developing tears in my eyes. "And it was my step-father." I corrected as Liberty shrugged, pulling JT along with her.
God, I need a drink, I thought with a sigh covering my eyes with my hands. Maybe being solo at the thing wasn't such a good idea. Trying to find something to do, to occupy my time and hide the fact that I was completely alone, I walked over to the punch bowl and grabbed a cup. Taking a sip, I turned around only to be face to face with the one person I never thought I'd see in a thousand years.
"Hi." I greeted him, biting my lip and taking another sip of the punch. It tasted like someone had spiked it. Good.
"Manny. I didn't expect to see you--"
"It's Alicia. Or La la. Whatever …" I began to babble. If you had seen the way he was looking at me, you would've done the same. "You look real good." I complimented him, taking another sip of the punch. It was getting better and better with each taste.
"Why are you here—you don't mind me asking?"
"Of course not." I tucked my hair behind my ear. "Umm … this is really hard for me to say … and I don't think it's the place." I motioned towards the door. I always processed things better when walking around or without a huge crowd surrounding me.
"Do you think--"
"Look, I'm not interested in you anymore Craig. That was two years ago." I explained as we walked out into the hallway.
Jimmy
"I love you." Hazel admitted to me as we walked back into my house. She said she was a little tired, so we left the dance a little early.
"Do you want me to take you back to Paige's house?" I wondered, since that was what she usually did.
"No." She paused, being quiet which was completely unlike her. "I want to show you how much I love you." Hazel began, kissing me suddenly.
"Okay." I laughed, confused.
"I don't care what anyone says or thinks." She continued, as her one kissed turned into a make-out session. "I want to make love to you."
Craig
"So, what do you want to know?" Ma—I mean Alicia asked me, looking more lost than I had ever seen her before.
"Why did you leave without … saying goodbye."
"Like you even cared back then. No one wants to hear the real story." She began, clinging onto her punch for dear life. "But the truth is … I just needed to get away from Degrassi. With my step-father and mother separating, everything was getting crazy. It was just better for me." Alicia continued looking as though she was holding back something.
"Anything else?"
"Are you still with Ashley?" She smiled. "I mean, that's the real question. Did you keep your promise to her? Are you making music with her now?" She added, looking at me desperately, like my sister Angie did when she really wanted something.
"Yes, of course. I love Ash." I explained as she nodded.
"That's what I thought." Alicia shrugged.
"So, what's with the name change?" I wondered.
"It's my middle name. Alicia. It just fits better for who I am now. I don't want to be known as some immature kid who sleeps around and is called Manny. That's not what I'm about." She declared as I held back my longing to find out how she really felt about me. It was always good to know and … I didn't want there to be any gray area. She and I shared something that no one else could take away. She was the girl I had lost my virginity to.
"That's good." I nodded, a little out of it still looking at her.
"Go ahead and ask." Alicia smiled.
"Ask what?"
"If I'm in love with you." We both looked away at the same time. "Because you know I am. My feelings haven't changed, but then again we don't need this, right?" Alicia tried to preserve her feelings. "I'm glad you found Ash."
"And I'm glad you're with Spinner." I retorted.
"Oh, I'm not. But that's okay. It's cool you know? It's cool." Alicia aka Manny and I headed back to the gym as everyone stopped and stared at us.
"Craig, honey, where have you been?" Ashley asked accusingly.
"We were just talking." Alicia stepped in, trying to make the situation better.
"I'm not talking to you slut." Ashley paused, trying to stop her anger. "What were you doing with her? I thought you loved me." Ashley completely over-reacting, brushing past me as I looked at Alicia apologetically.
"You know what you have to do." I took in a deep breath before running after Ashley. I hated how it was always like that. I couldn't even talk to one without the other hating me and Man—Alicia didn't deserve to be hated like that. Not when she hadn't done anything wrong.
Hazel
I woke up the next morning completely confused. Somehow, I had ended up at Paige's house, but rather than feeling the gratification and happiness I was seeking, I felt weird. Astranged. Almost used. "Wake up sleepy head." Paige came back into her room as I sat up slowly. "So, how was last night? Give me all the details."
"I- I …" I began, but was unable to finish.
"Oh, it's okay. You're probably just overwhelmed, but whatever it is, I know that you and Jimmy can make it." Paige reassured me.
"Sure." I mumbled, feeling achy all over. This was not what I had expected at all, and I was having an urge to … forget what happened last night rather than remember it. "You're driving me to school?" Paige nodded as I headed for the shower to clear my head.
Jimmy
"I know what you were doing last night." Craig teased as we walked through Degrassi High.
"Whatever man. Hazel's got morals." I explained, trying to protect her image.
"But you and her alone in your parent's pad? Come on dude. Something must've happened. Give me the details." Craig demanded as I shrugged it off.
"I'm not saying anything happened or didn't happened." We stopped at my locker as Hazel walked by, without even looking at me.
"Just tell me." Craig pressed.
"All right. All right." I gave in. "Maybe something happened but … this stays here. I don't want anyone else to know that Hazel and I had sex last night." I told him.
"Well, well, well. Looks like little Miss Goody Two-Shoes has a baaaaddd side." Heather stepped in, smiling.
"What are you talking about?"
"I heard everything." Heather stalked off before I could catch her.
Hazel
"He told everyone." I cried to Paige, who was the only one that seemed to be on my side. "I thought it meant something, but he's out there bragging just like every other guy."
"Come on Haze. It came from Heather Sinclair. Who's going to believe it?"
"Apparently everyone." I sighed. "And now I can't ever show my face again."
"Come on hon. Stop being dramatic." Paige begged. "It's not like you and Jimmy actually did anything." I paused, looking away from her. "Oh my God. Hazel. How could you?"
"What?" I looked up, surprised that she wasn't supporting me here.
"This is going to completely ruin everything we stand for." I backed away from Paige.
"I don't even know you anymore." I spat out, more hurt than anything.
"Good. I don't need a slut riding my coattails anymore." Paige brushed past me and out of the bathroom. A few minutes later, I followed. I couldn't afford to miss this Calculus class I was going to.
"Hazel. Hazel I …" Jimmy tried to explain, apparently waiting outside of the bathroom door for me.
"Save it." I tried to conceal my tears. He had no idea what I had been through today. The humiliation … the things that all the guys had been saying to me as I walked through the hallway. I had never felt so cheap and trashy in my entire life.
Jimmy
"Please listen." I begged, holding onto Hazel's hand gently.
"No. Don't touch me!" She yelled angrily. I knew that there was nothing that I could do to explain myself. I had told someone even though we swore not to and … it had ruined her and possibly our relationship in the process.
"Hey dude." Craig found me in the hallway as I sat on the ground, defeated. "Look, I'm sorry …"
"No. It was my fault." I sighed. "She hates me." I admitted. "She fucking hates me." I banged my fist against the wall, furious.
(A/N: This story is more about friendship than anything else because I always focus things on being in love, but the truth in that strong support-friends or family—are what help get people through the tough times. Like when your heart is broken or when everything in your life is crumbling … that's why I had to at least start writing this story. And, I changed Manny's name to Alicia because Manny seems so ugly and tainted. I wanted to start off with no preconceptions of her in mind without creating a new character. So I hope you review and … can anyone tell me what "hits" on mean? –NL)
