This is an idea I've had about the origins of Ikkaku and Yumichika. As the story unfolds I'm going to tell my version of how they ended up in the soul society. I want it to be light hearted and funny but I will try to stay close to canon as much as possible but I'm going to make assumptions on some things since we don't know much about the duo. Anyway if you guys have other ideas I will gladly hear them just don't flame me if I have a different view on the subject then you. OK enough of that, story time! :D


The Antics of Cue Ball and Sexy

Ch 1 - Stories and Rumors

We start our story in the deepest and toughest part of the Rukongai. In a place where the dusty and broken down homes were a place where you wouldn't expect to see or even hear of the prosperity of the Soul Society; unless it was followed by a curse. The dust kicking up from harsh winds carrying on them the only thing the people had left.

Their voices.

Their voices cried always in the barren wasteland so often forgotten by even the noblest. Yet there were some whispers that had begun to spread like wildfire among the Rukongai on the mouths of its toothless inhabitants and maybe a woman's gossip from time to time. The whispers among the dirty and worn out people spoke of a place so far away that they could never in their wildest dreams imagine such a pristine home for warriors. It was the home of the shinigami, the so called protectors of their worlds. Rarely did they speak of the people who didn't give a damn about them so when it happened it was hard to miss.

This is what a certain ruffian hoped for. Those whispers told of a man of legend who tore through to become one of the Gotei 13 captains.

"This man is as tall as the most ancient tree in the whole of the Rukongai." An old man who could barley hold still from insolent shaking spoke loud in the streets. A woman held his hand to keep him steady as she spoke with a nervous twitter.

"I heard he has ripped apart the howling monsters to shreds without even a blade. His hands are as rough as bark and when he grabs a man he cuts him with the calluses that cover them. He thirsts for blood and cannot be satisfied otherwise." Men as well as children had begun to gather around the growing conversation.

"Woman, don't say such nonsense!" A man's declarations set off sniggering and harsh whispers.

"It is true!" A man with a limp broke through the crowd. "I've seen this devil in the flesh. He would walk around with an imp of Puck's proportions around his neck. This pink Puck laughs mercilessly as her master crushes the skulls of men like they are his morning eggs." He came up to a man and closed his hands around his head. The children backed away, the man's gestures frightening them. "That's how you know when he is coming. When the haunting laughter of the imp catches your ear; run!" He waved his arms in the air like a madman inciting gasps. The women gathered the children who had begun to cry yet the braver more mischievous boys stood transfixed at the conversation.

"Where did you encounter such a man?" A disembodied voice seemed to drift into the crowd from somewhere right outside of the large crowd. The limping man searched hard as he responded but could not find the speaker staring back at him.

"My fellow companions and I had come to rest after a long trek to the north half a year ago. We had spent our funds on supplies so we set up camp just outside the prominent district town."

He was a master story teller. The limping man's voice and body animatedly adding suspense to the story. "The first evening star graced the sky as the prominent sun relinquished its power to the moon. We lit a fire and waved to a group of travelers that walked past down the street, leaving the city for unknown locations." The audience did not notice the man's voice lower considerably but it had the effect it was aiming for. People grouped towards the speaker, giving rapt attention, being so easily manipulated by the skilled man's words.

"We sat around the fire together allowing our attention to be swept by the waning sunlight. In the silence of the woods so clearly we heard a yell that sent the hair on the back of our neck shooting straight up." His face showed insurmountable fear as he pointed to a point over the crowd's heads. "Our attention shot towards the road that led into the dark wall of trees. We saw a familiar man running in blood soaked clothes back towards safety. It was one of the men that had passed with greetings on his lips before disappearing into the horror's that lay before him." The storyteller's voice was somber as if the thoughts were pictures that slowly flashed in his open eyes.

The crowd had all inadvertently held their breath allowing for a silence that they could only imagine could be the one from the story.

"Then we heard the thunderous steps of the demon!" His voice rose seemingly uncontrolled. "Faster than the average man and twice as big he roared out of the forest chasing the rest of the group and heading right towards our camp. My party scattered as they saw the oncoming train that came upon us but I was frozen to the ground. One of the men that had pulled out his sword halted the monster for a fight. His shaking showed how frightened he was. The monster picked up the fighter before he was even able to swing the blade. Without breaking a sweat he threw the man toward me. The man hit a tree that lay to my left and whether he was alive or dead the ugly sound of cracking bones was enough for me. I ran until I collapsed in the middle of the lantern lit street still too afraid to see if the man followed me. He never followed me but in my mind every night I see him come after me." At some point in his telling he had fallen to the ground the added dramatic effect achieved as people gathered to help him up while others chirped away their worries.

"Well if what you say is true than we won't have to worry about this devil of the Rukongai because he'll be safely stowed behind those big honky gates." A man with his arms crossed questioned nervously as his doubts of this devil brought a chill down his neck. "Won't he?"

"A man with an appetite like his will be out for kills and as a captain he will be allowed to do as he pleases." The limping man said matter-of-factly standing with the help of the crowd at the gasps of the women. A young man with hair like fire spoke angrily at the man making the crowd turn surprised at his outcry.

"Why would they allow a man like that into the ranks of the shinigami? They are strong protectors. He sounds like a horrid monster!"

There was a smug laugh among the garble of voices. These whispers and questions had fallen upon the ear of an elegant man who had spoken before but was determined not to be seen, but he just couldn't resist at the young man's question. He slowly emerged from within one of the worn down houses and responded to the red headed young man with a lyrical nature in his voice.

"Why wouldn't they accept him? They only care about one thing and that's getting the job done. Why should they care who the one chopping heads is?" A slender hand came up and slowly traced a finger across his pale neck. His eyes dangerously glared at the young man while a smile played gleefully on his lips. "And if he can have some fun in the process I'd say he's doing well for himself." He had slowly sauntered over to the group attracting the gaze of the women as well as the men. The red head was taken a back at the statement and fidgeted under the stern gaze of those pale eyes. Before he could even formulate a response a gruff voice sounded ringing from atop the heads of the inhabitants.

"And what would a prissy little thing like you know about him, Ayasegawa. He could crush your sorry excuse for a body in two with one hand." At the remark Yumichika turned angrily in the direction of the voice, mad at the nerve of the man who would dare stop his fun. A man missing a prominent tooth stood scratching a giant mane of black fur that fell from his face.

Closing his eyes in disgust, Yumichika gave a nasty gagging noise as a response and returned to looking at the young man. "You are much prettier to look at then that ugly monstrosity." The boy turned red at the statement but Yumichika just smiled deviously. Yumichika had made no attempt at lowering his voice and the ugly man advanced angrily pushing men and women out of his way.

"What did you say?" He stood at Yumichika's side glaring at the man.

"I don't want to look at your ugly face so I won't respond to you anymore." He turned completely around so as not to even catch a glimpse of the man. He crossed his arms and turned his chin towards the sky.

"You little prick! You think you're better than us. You wear that outlandish kimono and close your eyes when you speak to some of us! I ought to show you you're place!" The people who had been intently listening created a circle around the two men. The red headed young man fought hard to stay at the forefront lest he should have to try and stop the situation from getting out of hand. Yet Yumichika showed no signs of panic or worry. Having the man speak to his long luxurious hair he simply responded eyes still closed.

"As if you could show me anything other than that ugly face of yours." The man was twice the size of slender Yumichika yet he spoke without a hint of hesitation. An ugly gigantic hand grabbed him by the arm briskly turning the smaller man to look him in the face but Yumi had his eyes shut tightly not willing to see that rugged face that disgusted him so. Angered the bulky man brought his other arm up to punch Yumichika's beautiful face.

But it was too fast. It was faster than the man could have ever even seen but he certainly felt it. Everybody sharply inhaled not just because they were about to see Yumichika's face caved in, but because there had been what felt to them like a tiny shock. It had been the release of spirit pressure by the "damsel". The young man with hair licked by flames brightly watched from the sidelines amazed by the speed. Still being held by the man Yumichika sidestepped the punch which flew by his face. With one hand he grabbed the outstretched arm and pulled with strength that had seemed nonexistent. The giant man lost his footing and his hold on Yumichika. A quick hand brought out a sheathed sword and a second later he had smacked the man to the ground. It was quick and when the man had collapsed Yumichika stood still above his conquest. Finally opening his eyes he stared at the wriggling creature. Things were calm for a second but then the residents felt the spike in spirit pressure again.

"You dirty" Yumichika swung the sheath "bastard! How dare you," another swing "touch me with your dirty hands?" With the protected sword he swung mercilessly as the man who coward like a child. Hitting him with a sheathed sword showed mercy that a certain someone had told him never to show as it was a sign of weakness. Then again as Yumichika had said on many different occasions, "I don't have to listen to everything you say; bald jerk". Yumi would rather fight without getting his favorite kimono covered in blood.

"Stop!" The man held his arms around his head protecting its empty contents. People erupted in laughter at the scene of the giant man cowering to the rather slight effeminate man. The red head smiled along with the rest as a young girl about his age pushed to join him. She was small. Her head barley reaching her companion's chest but she had caught sight of the commotion and could not pass it up, even when it meant fighting her way to the front of the crowd.

Yumichika gave a disgusted sigh at the pathetic man. Returning his sword to his side he haughtily turned his back on the man not even wanting to continue any sort of conversation anymore. Not even with the red head. He began to saunter back to the broken home pushing aside the gaping spectators who intimidated by the scene moved for the beauty.

The burly man stood his nostrils flaring from anger at the embarrassment. Something held tightly clasped in his giant's grasp. A few people had guessed what he held, its ridges jutting out from within his palm. He began to charge on the unsuspecting man. The crowd gasped as the man yelled angrily and brought the rock up ready to break the pretty little head that bobbed out in front of him. The red head shouted instantly.

"Watch out!" Yumichika turned his face lucid and eyes wide, he did not and would not have enough time to dodge as his eyes caught sight of the hurtling rock.

"Gya!" Something landed in front of Yumichika with glinting sword unsheathed. There was a loud 'bang' as the big rock was deflected from its course. The blur that had passed in between the projectile and the beauty stood hunched before the still wide eyed Yumichika.

"I knew I heard a fight." This bald man straightened himself up to face the stunned rock thrower. Bandages poked out the opening to his kimono and the bandages that covered the glinting part of his bald head seemed even more menacing. "You want to fight like that you'll have to fight me. Go ahead, pick up that rock again let's see what you can do." The man began to back up as Ikkaku Madrame advanced the sun shining dangerously in both sword and eyes.

"Ikka...Ikkaku." The burly man stuttered knowing the reputation of the man that stood before him. Scared, the giant tripped over the crowd behind him as he hit the wall of people. Panicking he turned and pushed his way out into safety.

"Che." Again the crowd roared with laughter but the evil glint did not disappear from Madrame's eyes. He turned to look at the humorous people.

"Anybody else want to fight?" Pointing his sword around the crowd it acted as a silencer. Faces became grave with fear. Even the red head began to back away his arm on his intrigued young friend. But with a harsh grunt from the fighter the crowd dispersed faster than they had gathered taking the gossip elsewhere. The red head dragged the raven haired girl away from the volatile man. Sighing angrily Ikkaku responded. "That was no fun."

He turned his gaze back to his disgruntled partner who had begun inspecting his body to make sure he had been left unscathed from this little spat. "You okay Yumichika?"

"I can handle myself just-Ah!" The pretty man yelled out making Ikkaku look at the man all that closer. "That dirty brute left a mark." The man's anger at Yumichika when he had grabbed him by the arm had left a mark on that slender appendage. The hand mark was clear and still red. In a day's time it would darken into a nasty bruise. "I should have cut him!" Yumichilka flared up looking around to see if by some miracle he could spot where the man had disappeared to, his hair whipping along like a weapon.

"You're way too soft Yumichika." The bald man smiled at his partner a boyish smile hanging on the rough face. "And how many times have I told you never ever turn your back on—whoa," The strong brute swayed almost toppling over. His sword was the only thing holding him up at this point. The strength had finally left him and he was as mobile as a newborn. Yumichika ran over instantly to lend his body as support.

"You are a stupid man!" Yumichika smacked the bald head loudly as he took an arm over his shoulder. Ikkaku just grunted in annoyance at the action but allowed for his friend to take the heaviness of his body. "And how many times have I told you to take better care of yourself!? You're still recovering from that run in with that gang a week ago. You shouldn't be up." There was a hint of jest in the pitch of voice but it was plain to Ikkaku that it dripped with worry. The last thing he wanted to do was make wrinkles appear on Yumi's perfect forehead. He tried to lighten the mood.

"Well you were the one that was trying to start a fight without me. I felt lonely and left out." He smiled but Yumichika just rolled his pale eyes away, a hint of a smile on his lips. They entered the humble abode and slowly trying not to hurt the healing broken ribs Yumichika slid his friend onto the bed.

The small run down shack had next to nothing of furniture in it. Along the end of the bed stood a bedside table of sorts rotten and smelling of mold. Lying neatly on top of it was the tray of food Yumi had left there that morning, untouched. Spotting it he huffed angrily but said nothing. When he had visited the convalescent in the morning the heavy breathing indicated a deep sleep so he had placed the tray to the side and allowed him to sleep. It was way past noon now so that either meant Ikkaku had slept in or he hadn't been hungry. He stepped over to the faithful chair he frequently inhabited while taking care of his injury prone friend but didn't sit just yet. He waited a fraction of a second before being prompted by the familiar sound of clinking china and Ikkaku's nasty masticating.

Pleased that Ikkaku was not starving himself and he had gotten plenty of sleep Yumichika felt a heavy worrisome feeling dissipate some. Finally he sat his almost wifely butt down relaxing his tense muscles.

"It's been while. How are you doing?" He questioned the man sitting across from him, wolfing down his breakfast.

"Yeah Yumichka. I'm okay, I guess." He said in between chews, mouth full to the brim with rice. He swallowed with a sigh of content before turning to business as he so usually did whenever Yumichika appeared. "So, what did you find out today?" Shaking his head at such a predictable answer Yumi responded not completely happy himself with the findings.

"I heard an interesting story." The bowl of rice Ikkaku had tenderly held in his hands almost touching his lips slowly dropped at the revelation. Ikkaku had been so used to hearing a definite 'no' from his companion every time that question was asked that now he did not know how to react. Yumichika saw this slight change in demeanor and recounted what he had heard before the commotion. It was the strangest thing thought Yumi as the words slowly poured from his mouth. Ikkaku had made no sign of life. He just stared away into space the bowl almost falling to the floor as it was held at such a weird angle. Nearing the end of the retelling he came across the small detail of where the monster could be located. A small change occurred. The gaze that had no real object before fell upon Yumichika's own pale eyes as if begging the information to be true.

"The thirteen protection squads. It's said that he defeated the previous captain in an instant and stepped up as the new captain." He chuckled to himself and continued. "That may have been the best way for him to be able to fight as much as he likes." Yumichika's speech ended quite abruptly but the other man wasted no time in responding to the new information.

"You say he's going to protect this crappy place?" Ikkaku gazed almost longingly towards something above him. It was a short pause but Yumichika felt he could hear the cogs turning loudly in that big head of his. "No way," Yumichika raised an eyebrow in confusion. Finally looking back at Yumichika a smile feverishly appeared and he responded to the questioning stare. "That's not his style." Yumi's own smile appeared faster than the thought of words had. He sighed with growing worry but also with an excitement that always seemed to fill him before an ever evident adventure. The bald ruffian stared out the door as he began to rise grabbing his sword happily.

"Going to check it out?" Yumi asked sounding bored. He had asked the question more for his friend's sake because he already knew the answer.

"Hell yeah! He could be in Hell for all I care. I'm going after him!" A muscled arm tugged on the neatly tied bandages that Yumi tiredly had applied day after day for a week. Now they were completely useless. No amount of pain or injury would stop him now. Not even the tender ribs that still continued to heal.

Yumi almost stopped the man from standing but that familiar chill hit his body. It was that familiar power that always flowed from his friend when a fight approached and excitement filled those veins of his.

That's when Yumichika calmed down. All the years they've been together that power had never let them down before. Things would turn out just the way it always would for the duo. Full of luck. He stood walking after his companion with a smug look on his face.

"I thought you would say that." He shook his head knowing there stood a heavy trek ahead of them.


I took dialogue from the anime if anybody noticed, I thought it would be cute. Anyway I hope you guys liked it. There will be more I just can't say when lol.