"The Reflection Effect"

SIDE NOTE: This is my first buffy fic. Be gentle. *wince* Also, I REALLY could use a beta reader. If anyone is interested, please send me an Instant Messege though AIM, my SN is "Tenshi Daraku"

Another note, anything surrounded by "~~" ..Is either a flashback, or thinking. Since ff.net doesn't support us poor people who want to use italics. *sobs*

Anyway, On to the Fic! I hope you enjoy it.

Prologue: Alone Again

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BGM: Stabbing Westard "What do I have to do"

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~~"I don't wanna know this.. I don't wanna know any of this."~~

Xander walked gloomily down the night street, a cold chill whipping about his brooding form. He stuffed his hands angrily into his jacket pockets, eyes set on the sidewalk in front of him. This was his just deserts. Hell he knew he deserved it. But with him?

~~Oh no... Oh god no.~~

~~Was that.. Anya.. Spike... Look away, anywhere else.. Not at the laptop screen which assaulted his eyes. A lamp shade, that would do.. For god sakes Will turn of the damned speakers! Strange, Anya never made that noise with him. No.. This wasn't her fault, Anya was hurting, and it was his fault. So this.. all this was his punishment. There was no way he could put the blame on anyone else.~~

Alone within his thoughts, Xander recalled the events that just happened.. Why did everyone defend that monster? For almost two years, nearly every time he was unhappy, it was somehow related to Spike. Xander had been a loyal member to the scoobie gang for so long, he was respected.

Then spike was neutered. Spike came bumbling into his life, and everyone else's. A simple chip made him accepted? Not to him.. everyone jumped on the "We Love Spike" bandwagon, treating him like a lost puppy. He conveniently took second stage, Spike was in the limelight now. Xander stepped back from his glory with all the dignity he had left, leaving Spike to the attention of the others. He was forgotten, much like the video game that was played too much when he was a child.

Envy? No.

So what if Spike had in only a couple months achieved what he took years to try at, and failed. So what if his pipe dream of sleeping with buffy was living dead guy's new reality? So what if he jumped at the chance to hop on Anya after he left..

~~No, it's not all your fault, Xander. It's not your fault you saw what could have been. You were only protecting Anya! You still love her. ~~

~~Idiot! You ran away.. Like you always do. You left her there.. alone and broken, emotionally torn. Leaving herself vulnerable so a demon like spike could take advantage of her.~~

~~Spike.~~

It was almost too much.

Xander kicked an empty soda can, analyzing it as it clattered along the midnight sidewalk. Anya and Buffy had both stopped him from giving Spike a rather dusty end to his unlife. He would have to, if they hadn't stopped him.. He really would have.. Right? ...Uncertainty was always Xander's downfall.

Uncertainty leads to hesitation.

It was Hesitation that made him leave Anya at the alter.. Hesitation that stayed his hand just minutes ago with Spike, allowing Anya and Buffy to interfere.

~~What a lovely shade of red..~~

~~Was this rage? Didn't matter, someone had to die. Stakes. Holy Water.. Cross. Good. Time to go to work. Finally he has the motivation to do what Buffy couldn't for years. Pity stayed her hand... Nothing can stop his. Don't forget the jacket, don't want to catch cold. Out the door, off to make some dust.~~

Spike..Spike..Spike..

Xander hunched his shoulder, the cold night air biting through the jacket he wore. Idly he fondled the bottle of holy water residing in his pocket. He didn't hate Spike, even if the souless beast was below him. But doing that.. Sleeping.. No, not sleeping. Outright fucking his fian--.. former fiance. It was a low blow. And the fact.. the simple reailty that Ayna let him do those things to her, made the whole situation worse..

He sighed, a forelorn look dancing across his tear streaked face. He didn't remember when he wept about this.. Maybe somewhere between dropping his stake and kicking that soda can. He wiped a few tears away, sniffing harshly. He still had that manly image to uphold, even if no-body was around to see it.

Fuck it. He let the tears fall freely now, sitting down on the curb to be alone with his misery.

Buffy had betrayed him too.. Sleeping with that.. that thing ..How could she? How could she do this? It wasn't so bad that she was sleeping with spike. He may have eventually come to understand that fact. What hurt most was that she lied about it. Not a little white lie.. But a bold-faced lie. Betrayal always hurt.

~~Why isn't he fighting back? Chip be damned, he should throw at least one punch. Is that guilt? No, probably just gas.. Another punch, shoving him against a wall. That WAS guilt.. Vampires can't feel guilt.. Was it the right thing to dust spike? Yes.~~

~~A Thrust, a neat pile of Spike.. ~~

~~No dust.~~

They stopped him. Pity once more saves that vampire's miserable existence. How many more times will Buffy save that bastard? It all made sense now though, It's hard to fuck a pile of dirt.

"You cry like a girl."

Someone's here, wipe away tears. Looking up, Xander saw a distorted face through a cloud of tears.. a glint of something. Fangs?

He shouldn't have dropped the stake.