The worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat and your eyes become blurry from the tears, the one where you just want to scream, the one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet, the one where you can't breathe anymore, the one when you realize the person that meant the most to you is gone.
She closed her eyes as she laid on her new bed, trying to suppress the loud sobs that were dying to escape from her lips. It always had been like this every time she gets a chance to be alone where no one can see or hear her. She learned how to hide every 'weak' emotion from people but when everybody falls asleep or they leave her alone for a while she just lets go and sobs quietly into the silence that roams around her. She bits her bottom lip hard to keep herself from screaming and yelling out her name. The memories flood her mind and every inch of her body becomes numb. The memory of that horrible day that changed every single thing about her life just comes rushing back.
"Santana," the little dark skinned girl yelled as she reached the small porch, holding onto her small blue stuff teddy bear against her chest. Santana ran downstairs, grabbing her Barbie back pack on the way down and swinging it over her left shoulder she jumped of the last step as her best friend giggle at her dorky friend.
"Mami Stacey's here! I'm leaving!" the Latina called out, walking backwards her eyes focused on the kitchen entrance where her mom was at, cooking. The older Latina came out the kitchen, wiping her hands on her old worn out apron and walking over to Santana with a warm smile. Santana was quick in returning that smile she hated leaving without saying goodbye to her mom.
"Mama, how I look?" she asked, feeling unsure if she picked the right outfit for school. It was her first time picking out her own clothes without mama's help so she wanted to make sure she did a good job. Victoria knelt down to be at the same eye level, she scanned her daughter's clothes to make sure she wasn't wearing the wrong colors especially blue. Blue wasn't the right color in this neighborhood unless you want trouble.
Santana wasn't stupid she knew what colors to wear and what colors not to wear. She knew if you wore blue, brown and white you'll get shot but if you're lucky you'll get beaten up which hardly ever happens here. That's just how it always been and always will be.
"You look beautiful mija, be careful walking to school," she looked at both of them with a serious expression.
Stacey smiled widely at Victoria and then smirked at Santana. "Don't worry, me and Tana can take them, right S?" Santana nodded in agreement at her beautiful best friend as her mother chuckle at them.
"Okay well see you two young ladies later," she lean forward and planted a soft tender kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Adios beautiful," she whispered at her daughter making the small Latina smile before she lean forward and kissed her mother's forehead. "Adios mami," she muttered before turning around and walking out the door to her friend who was smiling at her. There wasn't one day where Victoria heart raced of worry every time they both walked to school.
Santana walked next to Stacey as they both giggle at dumb jokes they come up with.
Stacey gripped on her small teddy bear when she saw the most annoying group of kids come up to them and Santana rolled her eyes at them. "What do you guys want?" she spoke up, knowing exactly why they always were after her all the time. Kevin the 'leader' supposedly the leader of the group, he had the biggest crush on Santana and ever body in the 6th grade knew that because he didn't hide it. He handed her a small necklace that had the letter 'S' before speaking up, "I wanted to give you this." Santana took the necklace and mumble a thank you to him. Stacey shot him a glare, she was annoyed of him because he didn't get the fact that Santana didn't like him and she wanted nothing to do with him.
"Can I-I have a kiss?" he asked, nervously. All of this friends waiting to see what Santana's answer was going to be. Santana's eyes widen as well as Stacey's both of them looked at each other for a brief moment before looking back at Kevin who looked even more nervous. Santana never kissed a boy before the only person she kissed was Stacey and that was only to see how it was to kiss someone. Her older 16 year brother always told her that there's a time and place for special moments and that there were going to be a special important person to have those moments with. He also said that girls always have the right to say no if they weren't ready for those moments and no matter how much the guy begged you, you stick with your answer.
"N-no," she answered, Kevin wasn't special to her he was her friend but she didn't want him to be the first boy she kiss. Kevin opened his mouth to protest but Stacey interrupted him. "She said no Kev," she hissed and pulled Santana away from the now giggling boys who were making fun of Kevin for being rejected.
They both stopped when they turned the corner and were out of Kevin and his small group eye sight. "Hey, you okay, right?" Stacey asked, feeling a little worry if Kevin pushed the limit too far. "Because if you're not I can go back there and make him cry like a girl." Santana couldn't help but chuckle a bit at her over protective friend but she loved that about her she loved how protective she gets over her.
"I'm okay," Stacey let out a small breath of relief to hear those words, she didn't like when Santana was sad. For the most part she hated it; it made her heart ache every time she saw tears roll down that beautiful face of hers. "Okay good because no matter what I got your back," she promised and they both smiled widely at each other. Santana raised her hand, sticking out her pinky making Stacey mirror her. They both locked pinkies with each other.
"Lil Stacey and Tana Tana forever till the end," Stacey said, the smile still flashing the Latina. Santana smiled at her, she always thought that if they were in a dark room Stacey's smile could bright it up, it was just beautiful to her.
"No matter if we split apart we'll fine our way back to each other," Santana added and Stacey smile widen before she turned serious and added another thing, "I love-"
Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.
Santana closed her eyes as she felt her body being pushed down onto the floor at the loud gunshots follow by screams and more gunshots. Santana body started the shake and her heart started to race 100 beats per second. She was scared to open her eyes, scared of what she might see when she does.
She slowly opened her eyes, turning her head to the side to see Stacey laying there. Her heart dropped and she lifted herself up to check on her best friend. "S-Stacey," her shaky hand reached over and shook her slightly, afraid of hurting her or scaring her, tears started to roll down her cheeks as she noticed the blood gushing out her chest, mouth and stomach. Santana carefully placed Stacey's head on her lap and caress her cheeks as she choked up blood. Stacey looked up at her only best friend and gave her a weak smile, trying to say something to make the Latina stop crying because she hated seeing that the most, seeing her best friend's tears hurt her but she couldn't say anything she was in too much pain.
"Shhh, you'll be alright, okay? Y-you'll be good as new, j-just hang in there please, please." Santana whispered to her and Stacey tried to smile but was way too weak at this point, she knew she wasn't going to make but she manage to raise her hand and connect pinkies with her. Santana let out a desperate sob and rocked back and forth gently and she leaned down to her ear. "Lil Stacey and Tana Tana together till the end," Santana whispered into her ear, "It's not the end Stacey, I-I still need you," she kissed her ear lightly because she knew that was Stacey's tickle spot, it always made her laugh when she would kiss her there. Santana pulled away to see Stacey eyes closed, Santana started to shake her head in denial. Something inside her didn't want to believe it, inside of her was hope that she would wake up and be that amazing Stacey that she knows and grown to love but there were also a part of her that said it's over and that she's gone now. She also wanted to believe that Stacey as only fallen asleep and that she would wake up but the reality side of her mind told her otherwise. Santana being stubborn as she is didn't want to believe that so she shook her even more.
"Stacey please, please wake up! Please! I need you baby, I need you please, don't leave me! It's not the end Stacey," she said whispering the last part. She didn't want to believe the harsh reality, she couldn't and she wouldn't. She wrapped her arms around her lifeless body and planted a small kiss on her forehead almost whimpering when she heard the sirens of the ambulance and the police near them.
She stayed there her arms still wrapped around Stacey's body until they had to force her away to check up on her. Santana punched, push and scream to try to get away from the tough white police guy, he didn't budge though he just kept on saying reassuring words to the poor 11 year old. It didn't work though. Nothing can make her feel better, only her best friend can. Only her.
Reality stunk in when they put Stacey's body in a black duffle bag. "No! She's just hurt! Fix her! P-please you guys are supposed to help!" The paramedics turned away from her and some gave her a sympathetic look which made Santana sob more. "I'm sorry but we couldn't save her," the words echo in her head over and over again, the pain in her chest increase.
She woke up to her mother's screaming finding herself in her room. It felt so real but then again it always felt that way. "Santana wake up! You don't want to be late to your new school, mami is going to pop her lung from the screaming," Drake her bother joked, peaking his head into her new room. After everything that happen Santana hit depression and they decided to move to Ohio, away from the memories that had Santana stuck in the past. It only been a couple of months since the accident and she wasn't fully over it, she still had nightmares about it, mostly flash backs. Drake's face dropped and he hurried to Santana. "Hey, hey, hey, baby what's wrong?" it was only then that Santana notice she was crying, she quickly wiped away the tears and sat up. "N-nothing I'm fine," she lied and got off the bed to get ready for her new school. She hated moving, she hated changes but it was better than having to take the anti-depress pills that made her so sleepily and out of it. "Santana don't lie, did you have another bad dream? You know we have to tell mom and dad if you did," Santana quickly turned around to face Drake and shook her head. "No, please, she going to make me take the pills again and you know how dizzy and sleepily I get on them," she pleaded making Drake let out a sigh. "Fine go get ready you're going to be late and I have to drop you off," he said before leaving the room to let her get ready.
Santana quickly took a shower, curled her hair and put on her uniform, which consisted in skinny khaki pants and white tight collar shirt. She couldn't wait to be in high school so she could wear whatever she wanted which was in one more year. "Santana come on! Were late already!" Drake yelled.
Here goes nothing, she thought to herself. She hurried downstairs and kissed her mom and dad. "Bye papi and mami!" she yelled as she hurried out the door and into Drake's car where he was waiting and they drove off.
