As the jet landed I could feel the guilt rushing over me. Many horrible things in the past had happened on this very island - the death of Simon and the death of piggy.

When I stepped off the jet, the heat hit me like a wave. This was the exact spot of where the first meeting was held. Ralph had blown the conch and the choir had found the rest of the group.

I liked to think of the choir as the hunters. If my son ever knew…well I would never be able to forgive myself.

The log was still in the same position. That was where all of the little'uns sat and messed around. To this day I remember all of their faces. How, at the beginning the big'uns would play with them and pretend like nothing was wrong.

Behind our meeting area was the forest. I clambered in, having trouble with snapping twigs. A flash of pink ran before me and scurried into a bush. When I first saw the piglet back then, I was excited but as I held the knife up I could not bring myself to kill another living thing.

That all changed as I finally plucked up the courage to kill a pig.

Even now I can hear the hunters chant as we marched up the mountain 'kill the pig, cut his throat, bash him in'.

I shut my eyes, remembering what it was like when I was the hero. Everything got into my head, I was out of control.

At the time I thought it was fun and that everyone respected me.

Of course, towards the end of our time on the island everyone, well nearly everyone did respect me but I do not think I really respected myself.

I looked up and saw some berries hanging limply. Before we started hunting that was all we ate. It was okay to eat but then when we started hunting, all we could have was meat and no fruit.

As I carried on walking, I stumbled across the beach.

The night Simon ran out to this beach was when everything really began to get out of control. It was almost as if I could see his footsteps again when he ran out.

I think he was trying to tell us something. Nobody was really listening because we were getting caught up in a dance.

I carried on walking. I remembered when we held a dinner on the first night of running away.

This was the same night of Simon's death. We killed a pig and many of 'Ralph' followers' came over to our side of the island and we eventually got them to stay with us and come hunting.

If only we hadn't started with the chant, nothing would have happened.

I walked past the lagoon. I remember the warmth of the water when we jumped in. I could feel the water surrounding my body when I jumped in.

The rock pools around it was the place where we went when we were 'caught short' from the fruit. Many little'uns did not listen to us about running elsewhere.

I admit that it was not a pleasant when I came above the water.

We got water from there. Well the shelter builders did while we were hunting. I always resented building shelters because I thought that they were not important.

It was not until I got home that I realised having a shelter was more important than making sure we just had meat.

I saw a slope of rocks and realised this must have been where the path toward the mountain was.

I stumbled up the path and my first sight was a large rock. It was slightly smaller than the rock that killed Piggy.

I sat down on a rock and looked around.

A ship in the middle of the sea caught my eye.

I remember the day when Ralph had spotted a ship that could rescue us.

I was too worked up about being praised for my hunting so I had completely ignored Ralph's instructions about keeping the fire lit.

That was the worst mistake of my life. If I had kept the fire lit, then we would have gone home and the events that occurred later would never have happened.

I sighed and saw something glisten on the rock beside me. I picked it up and saw that it was a tiny piece of glass.

This reminded me of the time I had hit Piggy when all he was doing was defending Ralph. The glasses had cracked and Piggy was unable to see.

I was not proud of what I had done. Two people were dead all because of me. I was foolish, young and stubborn.

I did no want my children growing up having a father like me. I was not a good role model.

I saw three people climbing up the mountain; my wife and my two boys. They could never know.

"How are you doing? I know this is very hard for you." My wife, Gabby sat beside me and rested her hand on my shoulder. I did not look at her. I just couldn't.

Returning back to this island was too much for me.

I stood up and walked over to the edge of the island. Looking down at the sea, I realised that I deserved to die for what I had done. I shut my eyes, feeling the wind against my face.

This was it. I was choosing my fate. My way of saying that I was deeply sorry for what I had done in the past.

Some people say this was not what I should be doing. That what happened in the past is not important.

They don't understand. They don't feel the guilt that I do. I knew what I was doing was only right for the people that I had affected.

This was it.

I shut my eyes… and jumped. I felt weightless falling through the sky; plummeting to my death.

I'm so sorry…