he doesn't know
Eijun sometimes wonders if he's doing this because of his own unrequited feelings.
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"I love you."
He smiles. He doesn't realize that he looks like he's about to break.
"I love you too."
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He meant those words. He means those words.
He loves Koushuu. He treasures him deeply. He wants him to be happy.
But he still remembers Miyuki Kazuya. Miyuki Kazuya who called him his partner and slung his arm around his shoulders. Miyuki Kazuya who told him that pitching was a work of art between the battery – how it was their work of art.
He remembers his annoying grin, his annoying laugh.
He remembers how fun it was to be his partner – the daring plays, the numbers, all the times they retired the batters with wicked grins on their faces.
He remembers how painful it was to be with him – how he always seemed to be short of his full approval, how he got his attention but at the same time how it felt like it was never enough for him to feel satisfied.
He remembers how he had ended up confessing to him on graduation day.
He remembers the pain of his heart breaking from being told "sorry" without even being able to see the catcher's expression because he favored looking at anything but Eijun.
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He loved Miyuki.
But loving someone doesn't always mean that you can always be with him. It doesn't mean that you end up together.
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He loves Koushuu. He thinks he loves Koushuu.
He knows he would do what he can to make him happy. Koushuu makes him happy. They make each other happy. They're together.
But at the same time, he can't forget Miyuki Kazuya.
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Koushuu knows. He says he understands.
Eijun believes him.
But on some days, he wonders if he's just being selfish and if he just doesn't want to see Koushuu break like he did.
On some days he wonders if what he feels is really love.
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He's not a hundred percent sure.
But whenever Koushuu smiles at him midly and says "it's okay" and "that was a nice pitch", all his conflicted thoughts stop for a moment and he smiles without looking like he's breaking.
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He's not a hundred percent sure if he's doing the right thing but more often than not, it feels like it is so he continues and lets himself love the person who chose to stay with him and who he chose to stay with.
