The one where I meet an original hybrid:
Summary: Josie is a sarcastic, outgoing girl with knowledge of everything: werewolves, vampires, originals, original hybrids…must I continue? Then she meets a certain original hybrid, which she drives completely out of his mind with her witty and sarcastic comments. But can he stop from helping himself? Klaus/OC. Future fic, ten years after Klaus.
Josie reminds me of Kat Dennings in Two Broke Girls. She's about twenty six too.
Chapter one:
Finally! God! It feels so good to finally get away from the creepy man next door who always feels the need to couch me inappropriately every time I come to help him out…I love you, Mr Thomas! Your wife still loves you!
Anyway, as I was saying, I'm on a plane on my way to Supernatural Central, aka Mystic Falls—which is in the great state of Virginia. I'm only going because, cue sigh, I didn't make it anywhere in New York. Plus, I hated it there. So yeah, that's right. I'm catching a plan from New York to Mystic Falls. Great!
But life goes on. I'm going to Mystic Falls to completely restart my life from fresh. Yeah, okay, I'm taking my money from New York, but you can't expect me to start out with no money! That's like asking a dog not to lift its leg to pee! Well, a male dog, a female dog just sorta squats and that's not good.
Do you wanna know the worst thing about this trip!? The fact that I am sat by Flubba Central. Yeah, this man has it all hanging out of a really tight t-shirt, and is all sweaty and its just…not…working out. Just like he never works out…. Eeww, imagine him after working out, all sweaty—excuse me one moment, I think I need to throw up.
Ugh, do you wanna know what's worst then that!? The fact that this prissy Chanel model wannabe is sat next to me, trying to act cool and disgusted while giving Flubba the eye. Gross! God! I don't wanna be in the middle of their sweaty love making! It's just…no! And then this chick looks at me, and actually dares to ask the girl with the heavy black eyeliner, dressed in black everything, "Do you have a powder?"
Really? Do I have a power? What is with women these days!? They think they can ask other random women if they can have their powder? Just because I may be sporting a vagina and wearing a c cup bra does not mean I like to powder, nor do I like to give fat guys with sweaty everything the eye. Gosh, I just wanna slap this woman silly.
"Do I look like I do!?" I ask her.
She looks a little taken back. Well, you should, bitch! Don't ask me stupid questions! Ever!
She shuts her pie hole and starts to lean away from me. Am I diseased? She has even stopped giving Fatso McFatso the eye. Yeah, I know. Slut like her, I'm surprised she isn't giving me the eye. Lesbian slut!
Anyway, what was I saying before I was rudely interrupted by a stupid, prissy Chanel model wannabe? Oh, that's right, I wasn't thinking about anything apart from my big move and the fact I am sandwiched between crazy.
My big move isn't really that big. I'm moving to Mystic Falls. Like I said, it's riddled with vamps and werewolves, and originals….I think they need a little bit of good ole human knowledge. I just gotta do some research before I start joining in with the supernatural. Put the phone down, I'm not crazy. And I know how to run. And how to make a death look like a suicide. Don't tempt me. You don't want to know how I do, I just do! So don't call the shrink on me! I'm telling the truth. Like for real. Like I'm-the-truth-fairy-truth.
"Hey," The guy from in front turns around and glares. "Could you stop kicking your feet into the back of my chair?"
I cross my arms, unaware of what I was doing. "Can you spare me your face? Turn around, ugly, I'll stop."
He turns.
Josie, 1, ugly, 0.
Booshacka!
Stop shaking me, you loser! For real, it's not cool! Stop it!
"Can you like, chill and stop shaking me?" I ask whomever. My eyes are still closed.
A manly chuckle came from, obviously, the man. "Well, excuse me for waking up a lady for her safety."
I open my eyes and check him out. Ah, he's all right. Dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin, looks like he has a six-pack.
"Well, that's all right," I say. "I was only trying to sleep."
"Seatbelt on please, Ma'am," The airhostess says to me.
"Excuse me, Ma'am, I am well aware," I answer back. I've got an attitude. Sue me. "Sexy here just woke me up and told me about it, didn't you, sweet cheeks?" And forward. Jeez, what's with naming all my faults!?
The airhostess looks scared. Yeah, that's a new personal record! I have scared two people on a plane! One time, I scared the absolute crap out of this man because he thought that there was a woman on the wing. I don't know who could have told him that…hahaha.
Sexy is now sitting in front. Wow, do you think he's friends with the douche in front of me? Because they are sat and they are talking. The dude in front of me has blue eyes, black hair and such pale skin, and he's nice looking, but I think it pees him off if you call him ugly.
"Would you quit it?" He says, as he glares some more at me.
"What? Did you climb to the top of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down?" I ask seriously, sarcasm lacing my voice. "Its funny how you think you're so charming doing that with your eyes, but really, you just look like a freak, so stop. And FYI, I wasn't aware I was kicking the back of your precious seat. So sorry if that messes with your lady like sensibilities."
The sexy dude with him chuckles while ugly stares at him with a blank expression. Hey, he's both ugly and dumb. He is just as dumb as he is ugly. But then the dude cracks a smile.
"Hey, you're funny," He says.
"Hey, your face isn't pretty," I argue back. "Dude, I'm just pulling your leg. I'm usually this rude."
"Where you heading after this?" He asks. "Damon Salvatore, by the way."
"I'm Nice Rack," I say jokingly. "'m joking, obviously. I'm Parks. Josie Parks. And why should I tell you where I'm heading? So you can be a stalker and follow me? Because I know you, Dracula."
Damon looks shocked before he looks back. "So what are you? Witch, vamp or werewolf?"
"None of the above," I say. "I'm just good ole human. Yeah, my dad was interested in the supernatural, and since Mystic Falls is basically a town full of the supernatural, I thought why the hell not!"
"Oh," The dude next to him decides to join the conversation. "We could totally give you a ride."
I laugh. "Look, if that hadn't sounded half as dirty as it was, I would have said no."
And we start our voyage to hell…I mean, home.
"C'mon, man, this is torture," I say, slapping a hand to my face. "You are as ugly as my nana's butt and you have crappy taste in music. What a great guy you are!"
Damon makes a face like a pig's butthole before switching off the radio all together. Well, it's either this or wrestling Fatso McFatso and Prissy Wannabe Chanel Model for a cab. So, a ride with ugly, made like a pig Damon, and his newly not so accounted friend, Jeremy, who Damon was babysitting and bringing home for his brother's vampire girlfriend. Oh, cool.
I mean, I could be watching Thor right now, sitting on the floor in my new apartment, waiting for my crappy furniture to come, while watching the god almighty of hotness swing his hammer around while swinging his balls too. I'm such a pervert. But whatever! I don't care! I don't care that I'm in a car with two ridiculously nice strangers on my way to my new town.
So whatever. I just wanna pass out and then wake up and go to my new job at the Grill. I know, high life I lead at the moment. But I'm getting there, all right? Leave your judgey eyes at the lesbian looking slut opposite you in your street.
Oh, Thor, you can hit me in the head with your almighty hammer anytime. Oh, you thought we were off that subject? Oh, hell no I could sit here and rant about how Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth are like the hottest people ever! Tom Hiddleston as Loki just gets…me…going! I have that damp feeling in between my legs just thinking about him! Man!
"Where you staying?" Jeremy asks.
"At my new apartment," I say. "I'm getting my bed delivered today, then I'm going to pass out on that bed until seven in the morning, and then go to my new job at the Grill."
"Sounds super fun," Damon smirks.
"Shut up, Edward Cullen," I tease. "Do you have a girl? Is she the Bella to your Edward? The Renesme to your Jacob? The Esme to your Carlisle?"
"What?"
"Oh, don't worry about it, dumbass," I say, then notice my building. "I'm right here. Just drop me off. Here's my number, but don't call because I don't really like talking to people. So don't call unless absolutely needed."
I get out and go upstairs. Time for my bed to be delivered. Hurry up, movers men! I need my bed! I can't sleep without one, you know!
B
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R
E
D
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!
!
Gosh, who knew the man who runs the Grill could be so boring? The words coming out of his mouth are going in to one ear and out the other. Please, someone just shove an actual sock in his mouth. He just talks…and…talks…and guess what, TALKS!
"Hey, Josie," Damon's voice greets me as I get someone a beer.
"Wait! Let me get my sunglasses before I look at you so you wont hurt my eyes as much," I tease. I wipe the bar down just because I can before smiling very sweetly and fake at Damon. "What can I get you, ugly?"
"You know, I could compel you to fall for my charms," He says.
"Well, I wear vervain, so not going to happen, my friend," I say back. "Where's your bum lover Jeremy? I thought you guys were joined at the penis."
Damon splutters. "I'm not gay."
"Really? Could have fooled me," I say.
Okay, so why is there a guy with fuzzy eyebrows and a frown as deep as the Atlantic frowning at us and coming this way? He looks weird too, like he has just shit his pants, or he is trying really hard not to shit his pants. Either way, the end result is that he shits his pants, and I laugh at him before being made to clean it up. Yummy…
"Who is Broody McBroody heading our way?" I ask.
"Oh, that's Stefan," Damon sighs, "Just go with the whole frowny, broody thing, he usually does it. He's my younger bro."
When Broody McBroody, or aka, Stefan Salvatore, reaches us, I smirk and hold my hand out for him to shake.
"Hey, smiley!" I say sarcastically, "has anyone ever told you that it's actually okay to smile? Someone could be falling in love with it! So turn that frown upside down!"
Damon chuckles as Stefan frowns and sits next to his brother. I cross my arms and look at them both expectantly. Aren't they supposed to click their fingers and I come running or something? Because if they click, I am so not doing anything for them. Arrogant people. I've already had one man do that, and believe me, it gets annoying after a while.
"What?" Damon asks.
"You wanna drink or you just gonna sit there moping like idiots?" I ask them.
"I'll have a beer," Stefan says.
"Ditto!" Damon says.
"Ditto to that!" I say and grab three beers. Matt, my new colluege, comes past. "Hey, Matt, I'm taking my lunch break, okay? Tell the boss."
Matt, who is standing next to me in the bar, nods and rolls his eyes. It shows that a) no one can refuse a girl when they stick their tits out and ask for something and b0 that Matt is a great guy, no matter what happens. Matt and I have talked a little about a little, but that's it. All in all, I have just Damon, Jeremy and now Stefano to talk to.
Yay! Friends! Like that never gets old. And two of them are vampires. Yes, friends with the enemy, but what can I say!? Damon is real easy to take the piss out of. I know, mean Josie, mean, but what can I say!? That's just the way I am.
Jeremy sits and snaps his fingers. Oh hell to the no! I can hear the dun, dun, dunnnnnnn! music playing. He did not just do that.
Hell is breaking lose.
Hope you like, just an idea;)
