Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to post this. I've been busy with school.

Disclaimer: You know the drill, I don't own Mass Effect. It's owned by Bioware and EA.

If Today Was Your Last Day

Fuck! What did I do to deserve this?! Those were the words that raced through Ashley Williams' mind as she stood in the cargo hold of the Normandy, considering she'd just died facing off multitudes of geth. Commander Shepard had made the call to save Kaidan and the salarians over her, and Ashley hadn't regretted the choice. After all, everyone who signed up in the Alliance knew the someday they may have to sacrifice their life for their fellow soldiers. Besides there were more lives saved this way. She'd even told Shepard that she had no regrets though she doubted it would help assuage the Commander's guilt. Really, though it wasn't like she'd done anything particularly terrible enough to deserve hell.

"Are you all right Williams?" Kaidan queried politely. Even though he wasn't her type considering he was a bit too idealistic, he was a good friend and an excellent crewmate and didn't deserve to deal with her nervous breakdown.

Ashley waved him off. "I'm fine LT. Just a little nervous about our upcoming mission."

"Well, if we manage to take down Saren maybe we'll have time left over to hang out at the beach and sip cocktails," Kaidan joked. "You'll do fine Williams."

She thanked him before heading off to the women's bathroom and locking herself in one of the stalls. None of this made sense, unless the Commander hadn't been able to save Kaidan and they were both stuck in this fucked-up limbo. Ashley discarded this idea when T'Soni entered the bathroom and stepped into a shower stall. T'Soni wasn't even at Virmire. So, what the hell is happening to me? Ashley wasn't sure, and that scared the hell out of her.

This time Shepard ordered her to work with the salarians who were very proficient in combat and polite in spite of their terse responses to her occasional questions. Still, it hurt that she wasn't able to save most of them. Shepard chose her this time, and just as Ashley was about to hop back onto the Normandy feeling numb and guilty, because it should have been Kaidan damn it! everything went black.

It took several repetitions of this cycle before Ashley finally landed on an explanation, based on an old movie that her sister Sarah loved called Groundhog's Day. Unfortunately, it had been some years since she'd last reluctantly endured watching it so Ashley only had a vague working knowledge of it. She knew it featured the main character living through the same day over and over again, but not how one went about breaking the cycle.

She landed on an idea when she noticed Vakarian was practicing in the small shooting range. With blanks of course, since real ammunition was far too valuable to waste. The turian spent more time in the range then all the other crew members combined, even though Ashly privately felt he was the one who probably least needed the practice.

"Do you mind if I jump in?" Ashley asked.

"Not at all Williams," Vakarian replied, before turning his attention back to his target.

In spite of not speaking to each other, Ashley felt strangely at ease with the turian. He wouldn't expect any explanation for her moodiness unlike Kaidan, Tali, and Shepard.

After several rounds, Vakarian paused and walked over to her station. "We could swap and see how well you do with my preferred weapon."

"Sure, why the hell not," Ashley declared, wondering why he was bothering. They weren't enemies, but they sure as hell weren't buddies since Ashley made her distaste for turians clear. The rifle Vakarian utilized turned out to be heavier with a stronger recoil. After several false starts, she got the hang of the weapon. After a couple of rounds, Ashley decided to call it quits and hit the showers.

"Thanks for letting use this," she said. "I learned a lot."

"Yeah, your rifle is a fair bit more powerful than I was expecting," Vakarian admitted.

As she skipped back to the showers, Ashley found she was smiling to herself.

That was how Ashley spent most of the two days leading up to Virmire, before the cycle reset itself. It was strangely enlightening and fun to learn about some of Liara's archaeological papers, to debate with Wrex about battle strategy, or just spend some time with Garrus. The only catch was this cycle ended with death either for herself or Kaidan. Ashley had died so many times that she somewhat numb to her own demise but watching Kaidan die always hurt.

The day before they headed off to Virmire, Ashley decided to visit the Commander and get an answer that was niggling in the back of her mind.

"I thought I was the one who visited everyone," Shepard quipped, her hazel eyes light and teasing.

"Actually, I was wondering if you could answer a question I had."

Shepard shrugged. "Depends on the question. As long as it isn't about anything classified."

"Why do you hate your birthday?" Ashley asked. "The one-time Liara suggested celebrating you almost bit her head off."

"And you'd do just about anything for her," she added to herself. While Ashley had noticed that Liara nursed an obvious crush on Shepard it had taken this cycle for her to note that Shepard definitely returned those feelings. In spite of regulations, Ashley found that she was happy for them both.

Something like frustration blazed through Shepard before she finally slumped as if in defeat. This bothers Ashley, and she half-wishes she hadn't asked. "I suppose it reminds me of my twin brother Eric. We never found his body after Mindoir, and I always assumed that meant the batarian slavers took him far away."

"I'm sorry."

Ellen Shepard shrugged. "It's all right. It has been many years since that happened, and it helps to occasionally talk about him."

When Ashley gets her turn in one of the sleeper pods, she quietly plots to find out the true fate of Shepard's brother, no matter how many cycles that may take.

"Are you sure you've got the right guy?" she asked Barla Von for the fifth time. It took her two cycles to finally figure out how to discreetly contact him.

The volus sighed, his patience clearly running thin. "Nothing in this business is certain Earth-Clan. But I can assure you this is all the knowledge the Shadow Broker possesses about the human you seek."

"Fair enough," she conceded, considering this cost her half a month's salary. After saying her good-byes, she cautiously perused the file. One word jumped out her. Cerberus. While Ashley was aware that by the Commander's standards she was somewhat xenophobic, she would never ever consider joining Cerberus given that their "humans first" motto seemed like an excuse to commit violent acts. The thought that Commander Shepard's own brother was part of their ranks. Although, maybe it was only out of gratitude for saving him from the batarians. Either way, she knew this wasn't something she could talk to Shepard about.

As she was musing about what to do, she suddenly heard a noise from the other side of the cargo hold. It was Garrus, who seemed just as startled to see her here.

"You all right there Williams?" he inquired. "You look a little 'pensive' as you humans say."

"What if someone you cared about was with a group who were bad, but they didn't want to leave?" Ashley asked, desperately aching for some sort of guidance even if it was from a maverick turian cop.

"I'd get proof that they were bad and show it to them I guess," Garrus replied. "I'm sorry if that's not helpful."

"No, that's just what I needed to hear, thank you," Ashley said, before heading to the mess hall. This would have to sit until she figured out how to break this tedious cycle.

Of course, her resolution to remain calm is broken when Garrus goes down in flash of bullets, and she runs to him screaming until her vocal cords are stretched to their limits and scratched as a broken record. She touches his chest tentatively and is relieved that he isn't bleeding much blue blood. Thank God, he does pick himself back up and seems a bit bemused that she was worried about him. Ashley's so embarrassed by her display that getting blown with the bomb is almost a relief.

Shit! Ashley swore under her breath as she paced back in forth in the women's restroom. Fortunately, none of the other women in the Normandy's crew were present to question why she was a nervous wreck. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with a fellow crewmember, especially not the only one who happened to be a turian. And yet, she found herself admiring Garrus' courage if not his methods. His mindset of "the galaxy sucks, but I'm going to do the right thing anyways" was not dissimilar to her own views. Moreover, she discovered that she was now somewhat aroused by his deep, yet gentle voice. A few months ago, Ashley would have attempted to suppress her feelings, because she was a Williams and she couldn't afford to be caught fraternizing, especially not with a turian! But being stuck in a time loop made her recognize that life was too fucking short to hide from her feelings. The only question was, how would Garrus react if she informed him of her feelings?

"I'm half sick of shadows," Ashley whispered to herself. She wasn't a Tennyson fan, but the lines of the poem described her situation perfectly, longing to end this curse. First, she had to gather the items she required. Just to be safe, she ordered condoms.

She caught up with Garrus who was practicing in the shooting range. His shots for the most part either hit their mark or were at only two inches off. When he heard her approach, his shot went wild.

"You know Garrus, you're probably the one who needs to practice your skills the least," Ashley pointed out.

"If I don't practice then my skills dull," Garrus pointed out. "I can't afford to slip up in our fight against Saren."

"True." Silence fell between, yet it didn't feel oppressive, but seemed to bind the pair together with invisible cords. Somehow Garrus had wormed his way into her heart, and it scared the hell out of Ashley. Sure, she had a boyfriend or two in high school, and she'd cared about them, but this was different.

"How do turians stay relaxed before a mission?" she asked casually.

"With violence actually, our commanders run us a lot more strictly so they realize we need to blow off steam," Garrus explained once he decided that her curiosity was sincere. "There are shooting ranges even full contact sparring."

"Turian crewmembers fight with each other right before missions," Ashley said in disbelief.

"It's all supervised of course, no one wants to risk an injury that will disrupt the mission," Garrus replied. "And it's a way of settling grudges amicably. There was this recon scout who kept arguing with me. She suggested we settle it in the ring."

"What happened next?"

"It was brutal," Garrus admitted. "After nine rounds, the judges called a draw. There were a lot of unhappy bettors. We held a tie breaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress I guess."

Ashley decided to take the plunge, hoping she didn't sound like a besotted idiot. "Well maybe we could ease tension together," she suggested, her palms sweaty, and her heartbeat bouncing up and down like one those miniscule, bouncy balls.

Garrus' talons twitched and his eyes trailed up and down her body as though he was uncertain how to answer her. "Are you sure? I'm sure you could find something closer to home," he commented.

"I want you Garrus," she said, aware that she had a snowball's chance in hell of actually getting into bed with the turian given that Garrus had shown no signs of being attracted to asari, let alone humans. "As long as you're interested."

"I've never thought about it," he admitted. "But I trust you."

"Great, let's figure out a time and place," Ashley replied, eager to get started. As it turns out, the night before they arrive on Virmire is the best time, since everyone else will be preoccupied with mission prep. Chakwas raised an eyebrow ever so slightly when Ashley came into the med bay requesting allergy meds, but the doctor's professionalism won out and she doesn't interrogate her.

They decided to meet up in a storage closet, not the most romantic place on the ship, but the easiest to prevent any of their squad mates from walking in on them. Garrus still looks slightly nervous, with pills of his own cupped in his right talons. To honest, Ashley feels a bit like a nervous teenager herself. The last time she'd been sexually active was with her last serious boyfriend Richie (they both mutually agreed right before graduation that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work). Hesitantly, she reaches a hand forward and gently touches Garrus' fringe, recalling from late night research that this is a sensitive spot for turians.

"Spirits," Garrus murmured, his vibrating with desire. Then he leans down and kisses her. It's tentative and inexperienced and, yet strangely sweet. There lots of kissing and better than that exploring that feels extremely erotic in spite of their fully clothed states. Then she wanted more and they both awkwardly struggle to remove their clothes. Then, there's just her and Garrus, and for all the awkwardness it's a moment of heaven for Ashley before she has to throw herself once more into the hell that is Virmire.

"I've got something for you LT," Ashley said as she approached Kaidan, who was engrossed in checking his armor for chinks. Somehow this was more difficult than propositioning Garrus.

"Depends on what it is Williams," Kaidan uttered.

"Just something I saw online," Ashley replied, not mentioning that she'd barely managed to rush ship it to the Normandy. It had arrived during their brief stop on a small outpost to refuel and stock up on weapons. She just prayed that the reviews were accurate. Ashley's prayed before, mostly that she will break the Williams curse, and

"Geth home defense system. I'm pretty sure this probably isn't worth what you spent on it Williams."

"With all due respect LT, you never know when you might be outnumbered by geth," she commented, willing him to accept it.

Fortunately, he must have decided to humor her. "Thank you for your concern." Kaidan immediately dived back into his work.

As she moved swiftly to keep up with the salarians, Ashley decided that if she never saw this God-forsaken planet again it would be too soon. She empathized with Shepard when Kaidan claimed he could handle the geth on his own. If she'd been in the Commander's position, she would have been just as skeptical. She expected time to rest itself and send back down the same depressing, tedious path, so Ashley was shocked when this didn't occur. She smiled when Kaidan boarded the Normandy bruised but alive.

They left Virmire behind them, and in spite of facing the unknown, Ashley Williams felt more confident than ever now that she had finally broken her cycle.