Living the Life Fantastic
Donna moved around the center of the TARDIS, her fingers lightly trailing across the various controls. The Doctor had gone out on some random errand, leaving her alone and in a strange contemplative mood. She'd been with the Doctor for a few months now and it had been grand. She'd lived and seen so much more than she would ever had as a temp is Chiswick. She smiled as she looked up at what she thought of as the TARDIS' heart, the glow pulsing softly and lighting the control room. Yes, it had been wonderful and frightening and so large at times. Her smile turned wry. Yet there were some times when Donna wanted mundane.
She moved towards the hallway, thinking that now would be an ideal time to indulge in such a feeling. She'd managed to pick up the latest fashion mag on her last visit to her mom and granddad and she wanted to immerse herself in gossip and the latest trend and think of the little things instead of universe-saving, even if just for an hour.
She nearly stumbled to the floor as the TARDIS lurched, the familiar sound of her engines kicking up. Donna wildly grabbed for the nearest rail to steady herself, her hair flying around her, as she turned to gape at the mushroom which was now pulsing an ominous reddish-orange color. She looked around the control room, panicked. "Doctor!" She could hear hysteria in her voice. Where was he? What the hell was going on? "Oi! What're you doing? Doctor?"
Donna couldn't help the yelp that escaped her as the TARDIS entered the vortex, the feel of time and space moving in different directions around her probably imagined but still very real to her. Her heart pounded as she clung to the rail, trying to edge her way up to the main controls to see if she could somehow divine what was going on. Not that she even knew what the controls meant on any other day but she wasn't going to sit (cling) there without trying something.
Just as she reached the center, the TARDIS landed with a sudden force that had Donna losing her hold on the railing and sent her tumbling to the grated floor, knocking the air out of her lungs. She lay there, catching her breath, feeling the warm metal beneath her cheek. She watched dazedly as the lights of the room reverted back to the familiar yellow-gold, somewhat dimmed but not as alarming as the darker orange the TARDIS had just been exuding.
Several long moments passed as she lay there trying to figure out what happened without having any real information to go on when the silence was broken with three tentative knocks. Her head shot up as she eyed the TARDIS doors. Oh, this was very strange and a tad—okay, really scary. She was, wherever and whenever she was, alone. Without the Doctor. She stared at the door for a minute, thinking that maybe the knocking had been in her head when there were several more knocks, this time firmer, the sound resounding in the room.
Gingerly, she got up and made her way towards the door. She hesitated as she reached the wooden barrier. The months with the Doctor had taught her to expect the unexpected and face life head-on which Donna had taken to with a surprising alacrity. But it had always been with the Doctor, never alone. Putting her hands to her temples, she took a deep and not really reassuring breath and opened the door.
Only to be met with empty air and a stretch of sand. The TARDIS had landed on a cheerless grey beach. The anti-climax of it all actually amused Donna who let out a little and slightly hysterical laugh.
"Doctor?"
Donna jumped at the quiet voice, just barely suppressing an embarrassing scream. Her wide eyes looked down to meet the large brown ones of a small child. His hair was a messy dirty blonde, long enough to reach his ears and curl at the ends. He looked to be about five years old, her estimation possibly off as she didn't ever really deal with children. He was looking at her with a mixture of awe and fear and she couldn't help thinking that she was probably looking at him the same way.
The little boy's question finally filtered through Donna's surprise and she answered with a stunned: "What?"
The boy glanced at the blue exterior of the TARDIS and then met her eyes shyly, one small hand coming up to rub his other arm. "Are you the Doctor?"
"How—what—who—" It wasn't often, actually never, that Donna was at a loss for words and she knew that quite a few people (the Doctor, her mother, her grandfather—hell—Madge, Freddie and the rest of the bloody universe) who would find delight in this situation. Still disoriented from the TARDIS' rogue trip and the fact that this kid seemed to know that the Doctor was identified by the blue police box, that she wasn't able to get her thoughts in order.
"Evan! Evan, we've got to do this before the sun sets. Where are you?" A dark-haired woman came just over a jutting rock and stopped short in shock at seeing Donna in the doorway of the TARDIS. The women stared at each other, both unsure of what to do next.
A small warm hand grabbed Donna's and tugged her in the direction of, Donna assumed, his mother. She heard the doors close behind her. "Mama!" the boy cried excitedly, dragging Donna behind him dazedly. "It's the Doctor! The Doctor came!" Donna's half-formed protests were overridden.
The woman's wide gaze took in Donna as they came to a stop in front of her. She took in Donna's ginger hair down to the comfy moccasins she'd donned just after the Doctor had gone out of the TARDIS. Disbelief was clearly written on her features before it seemed she came to a decision about Donna. "How fascinating! We'd only been told you changed form but never…well…" an embarrassed look came over the younger woman's face. She smiled then, an endearing smile that instantly put Donna at ease, though she still had no clue as to when and where she was and who were these people.
"I'm happy that you were able to come for this, Doctor. I know you probably don't have much time and we have to catch the sunset so I think we should head back to the others so we can do this properly." She turned and headed back down the way she'd come, towards the dark grayish-blue water that Donna could now see. There were four people standing on the tide line, all turned towards the trio making their way towards them. Evan's small hand still tucked in Donna's who hadn't thought to let go of him.
Donna looked back at Evan's mother, uncertain of what was happening and the woman flashed her a reassuring smile. "We just weren't expecting you. She'd asked us to leave a message here for you, saying you would one day come back, but I don't think she'd expect you to be here for this."
"What's 'this'?" The curiosity and need for answers started to overcome Donna's nervousness and anxiety. The woman and her child didn't seem to be any type of threat and neither did the people at the edge of the water, who were silently watching their approach.
The woman waited until they'd joined the group who nodded in greeting, a murmuring of "Doctor" running through the four. Donna didn't dispute it, thinking that being the Doctor would help her rather than hinder her in this situation. The dark-haired woman finally responded. "This is Rose's memorial. She asked us to spread her ashes at this beach, at sunset, the time of day which represents the beginning and the ending."
The name had silenced Donna. Rose. She was that friend, that companion that the Doctor had very obviously loved and then lost. He'd never spoken more than a few words and snippets to Donna about her, but what he had revealed in his voice, his manner and his eyes, had communicated a story so sad and so personal that Donna had never quite felt comfortable with breaching it.
In tacit agreement, no other word was spoken and Donna stood mutely by while one of the men opened a metal canister with a touch of a button, the mechanical sound seeming incongruous in such a simple setting. He turned it over, pouring the remains of a woman who Donna had never known and had only seen the legacy of what she left in the TARDIS and in the Doctor. The cold and biting wind picked up, taking the ashes and spreading it over the water, the glitter of water and sun providing a fitting farewell to someone who had been well loved, in her home universe as well as here it seemed.
The group stood silent for long minutes before Evan's mother turned to Donna with a tearful smile. "Thank you so much for being here. She would be so happy, knowing that you had made it for this last good-bye." As if on impulse, the younger woman hugged Donna who, after hesitating a moment, returned the gesture. The others followed, shaking her hand or hugging her and thanking her for being able to make it.
Not even really knowing why, Donna struggled to hold back tears at the affection and respect that was being paid to "the Doctor". She nearly lost it when little Evan hugged her and whispered in her ear, "I want to be like you when I grow up, Doctor, and save the world." She gave him a watery smile, not wanting to disillusion the young boy as to who she was.
There was a rumble from the TARDIS, reminding Donna that she actually shouldn't be here, in this time and place. Looking at the small group, noting that most of them had a distinct resemblance to each other and realized that they were Rose's family, most likely her children.
"I've got to be off now." They all nodded. She wanted to leave them with something to remember the Doctor by, since this would most likely be their last encounter with "the Doctor". She took a deep breath and shook back her hair. "I never got to tell her this, but, I did…I did love her." Donna felt slightly presumptuous but also very right at the same time as the small family beamed at her and hugged each other tighter against the wind that wound itself through their coats and hair.
Swallowing, she nodded and turned to make her way back to the TARDIS, trying not to look back. She'd almost made it to the wooden doors when she heard a scuffling behind her and a little boy's voice cry out, "Doctor!" She stopped and turned, her hand on the door. Evan was running towards her, something clutched tightly in his hand.
He thrust it at her as he reached her and she took it, a small metal cube, cool to the touch. He looked at her expectantly as if waiting for something to happen but nothing did and a confused look came over his eyes. She gave him a warm smile, not quite sure what she had been given and then entered the TARDIS.
Just as the doors shut behind her, the TARDIS' engines came to life once more, but this time, the trip was smooth, as if the TARDIS did not want to destroy the fragile feeling that had come over Donna. She stood in front of the console, holding the small cube in front of her heart with both hands, overwhelmed by what had just happened.
The TARDIS landed with barely a bump and Donna turned to stare at the entrance, knowing the Doctor would be coming back any moment. The TARDIS doors burst open and the Doctor came in, frantic, all arms and legs and Time Lord energy. "Donna!" His eyes concerned, he grabbed her by the shoulders, taking in her dazed stare. Seeing that she was at least in one piece, he moved to the console, running around it, flipping switches and twisting knobs before pulling the monitor to him.
"Where did you go? Anytime I tell any of you lot to stay where you are, what do you do? You go swanning off to—What?" The change in his voice was so abrupt that it cut through Donna's dreamlike state and she turned to face him. His eyebrows had come together over his dark brown eyes, unable to believe what he was seeing. He looked at Donna, a desperation in his eyes that she had not seen in some time.
"Why—How were you at Dårlig Ulv-Stranden?" His voice was hoarse with some indefinable emotion, but palpable enough to cause a sudden tightness in her chest. "You were at Bad Wolf Bay. In another universe." The words seemed significant. But only to him. She nodded anyway though she hadn't actually known where she was.
He moved back over to her, his voice urgent and low. "Donna. How did you get there? What did you see? Who did you see?" The pain in his eyes hurt her. She knew what he was asking and she just couldn't tell him. She couldn't tell him that she'd attended her memorial. She couldn't tell him that Rose was dead. Not really knowing why, only knowing that it had been meant for him, she extended her hand, the small metal cube sitting in the center of her palm, still cool to the touch.
His gaze slowly moved down to her hand and the small object she was holding. Carefully, as if it was a figurine cut from the most fragile glass, he picked up the cube. At his touch, the cube exploded to life, a holographic projection of a screen blinking into existence above it. He nearly dropped it before bringing his other hand to steady the cube.
The projection contained a small and elderly woman, looking to be in her seventies, sitting on a cushioned seat, the kind of chair one would find cozied up right next to a fireplace. Her hair was white, short and wispy, her body wiry yet still straight. Her head was turned to the side, as if looking out a window, an introspective look on the delicate features.
"Mum." A woman's voice came from off-screen, obviously directed at the elderly woman. The old woman's eyes focused and settled somewhere beyond the screen, beyond the camera.
"Oh, are we on?" Donna assumed that the camera operator nodded as the woman's eyes then settled directly on camera.
She heard the Doctor's intake of breath at the force of this woman's warm gaze and then a small exhalation, containing the heartbreak that Donna remembered from her first meeting with the Doctor, that long-ago Christmas. "Rose."
"Doctor," Rose smiled, the love obvious in her face and tone. Donna's heart contracted with sadness for these two people, the Doctor and Rose, who the universes never gave a chance to. "If you're seeing this, that means that you've once again done the impossible and broken through the barriers between our universes." He glanced at Donna who gave him a tiny nod. It really hadn't been her. It'd been the TARDIS.
"I won't be alive when you get this," Rose was matter-of-fact, having accepted the inevitable it seemed, "and I don't know how many years or even centuries down the road you will get this or what form you will take when you do. But I do know that you will come and so I want you to know a few things.
"The first thing I want you to know and forever keep with you, is that I still, and always will, love you." There was a hitch in the Doctor's breath beside Donna but she didn't turn to look at him, not wanting to embarrass him or ruin the poignant moment Rose was weaving.
"You took a shop girl and showed her the end of the world and the beginnings of new ones. You showed me that I could be more than what I thought I was, that I could break limitations and do what was right no matter the opposition. You made me a leader, a Defender of the Earth." Her smile was wry and the Doctor gave a small chuckle, no more than a breath of air. "You gave me my family back and showed me what it meant to care and to love and I have always, always kept that with me, right here." A small hand appeared over the woman's heart, thin and wrinkled but steady.
"I worked at Torchwood, like I told you, that last day. And I did until I was forced to retire some years ago." Her brown eyes looked off-camera for a moment, that bit directed at some kind soul who obviously cared for Rose. "For a few years I worked hard, so hard, to find a way back to you, until I knew that it actually was impossible. At least in my lifetime." She sighed, her eyes moving away for a second, the defeat of that long ago realization almost a tangible thing.
"I could've given up on everything: on myself, my family, on you, but I didn't. Because you taught me to be better than that." Her smile was back, the glow that Donna had already known to associate as "Rose" clearly present. "There was enough work to keep me busy at Torchwood. Being something of an alien expert, I had a lot to do and I helped people, Doctor, a lot of people, aliens and humans alike. You would be proud." Donna saw him nod out of the corner of her eye, as if to tell Rose that he was proud, so very proud.
"I married." The Doctor stiffened beside her for a moment before he visibly relaxed. He evidently wasn't going to take offense or hold it against Rose. "He was a part of Torchwood, Grayson Harper, so he and I worked together and we worked well. I loved him and he loved me." Her smile was bittersweet. "Even knowing that I wouldn't love him like I loved you, he loved me. He was a very good man, my Gray." Rose's gentle brown eyes shone and she blinked back tears.
"We had three beautiful children, all grown up now," She smiled at whoever was behind the camera, "with children of their own. They've all been raised to honor life and do what is right; they've been raised with stories of my time with you. I've even told my grandkids. Well, at least the ones old enough to understand a little." She gave a small laugh. "It's all so domestic, Doctor, despite the aliens and the like. My life is something you would tease me about were you here, but also, I know, it's something you would love to have." Donna tried to ignore the stricken and longing expression she could see on the Doctor's face.
"I lived a fantastic life, Doctor." Rose's smile dimmed for a second, her eyes gazing off into the distance before they again focused on the camera, on the Doctor. Her smile brightened and Donna was able to see exactly what it had been about this woman that had given the Doctor both supreme joy and the utmost heartache.
"For you." Rose held the Doctor's gaze for a moment, as if to communicate across time and space everything else that she couldn't say to him. Then the image blinked out and the Doctor was left holding the small metal cube, Rose's face still seeming to shimmer in the space above it. Donna couldn't help the tears running down her face. She wiped at her cheeks and tried not to sniff, not wanting to break the silence that now surrounded them. A silence which seemed sacred somehow.
Anxiously she glanced at the Doctor who hadn't moved since the message ended. His dark eyes were looking at some middle distance, the endless knowledge of the universes all contained within his look, that cloak of sorrow that always surrounded him seeming to grip him once more. He blinked once and swallowed, the edges of his mouth tightening infinitesimally. Slowly, as if his body was too heavy to move, he placed the cube on the edge of the console. Without looking at Donna, or anywhere else for that matter, he exited the room and left Donna standing there alone with the echoes of Rose.
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Author's Note: Reviews keep me writing...that was a very unsubtle hint. :)
