Of Gods and Blackbirds
by: fluffy pantoufle
disclaimer: i am in no way, shape, or form affiliated with crystal dynamics, square enix, or anything of the like. i'm just borrowing the characters and such - i'll put them back when i'm done, i promise.
also, i've drawn inspiration from neil gaiman, who is seriously a god amongst men in his own right. i am not him, merely an admirer of his work.
a/n: hello! this is my sequel to between lotus flowers, if you didn't already know. just a heads up - i've currently set it at a T rating, though it may jump up to M at some point depending on violence, sexual themes, etc... i haven't decided how far i want to take the story in that regard, though i do have a loose plot framework.
definitely feel free to review and tell me what you think about any aspect of the story! this first chapter is all about alex and lara - i wanted to have them feel each other out a bit before things really get rolling. i don't think of either character as having a ton of experience with the opposite sex, so there's awkwardness abound.
enjoy!
"Went up on a mountain,
There I made my stand.
Went up on a mountain,
There I made my stand.
Rifle on my shoulder
And a dagger in my hand, poor boy,
I been all around this world
So hang me, oh hang me
I'll be dead and gone."
Have you ever had one of those days where you could actually feel the threads of your life unraveling, bit by bit? That's what being on Yamatai felt like, but spread out over the course of about a week - honestly, I don't know if that's better or worse. I don't know if the descent into madness is better dealt with if you accept it without a second thought, or if you're forced to contemplate what you could become as it gnaws at your insides.
Do you ever really want to know the inner workings of the demons that haunt you?
I think that dude Mathias accepted it pretty easily, but he also didn't have the opportunity to assimilate back into the real world. His madness was allowed to consume him, bones and all, fueled by his Solarii and the fact that they were isolated from everything else. Not to mention the fact that Himiko was very, very real and very, very pissed off. That's a fucking breeding ground for crazy if I ever saw one, and I've got no interest in seeing one ever again.
Lara, though... She was resilient, far stronger than most people ever dream to be. Even as I watched her sweep the broken glass from her living room floor, tears streaming down her cheeks, I could sense the fire in her as it grew. She'd wrapped her hand in a strip of cloth to control the blood seeping from her knuckles, but from across the room I could still see the spots of crimson as the wound oozed. I noticed that she paid it no mind - the blood could have been dripping onto the floor and she probably wouldn't have cared. She would have just tried to sweep it up with the glass.
But for all her strength and resolve, I also knew that Lara was still unstable. She needed help channeling her anger in a world that didn't seem as kind as it did prior to boarding the Endurance. Or, you know...a world not filled with terrifying, folkloric, magical creatures. That didn't exist anymore, and that's enough to screw with anyone's head right there, let alone having to claw and murder your way to freedom.
All of a sudden, I began to realize just how important Sam was to Lara, at least in this new, terrifying post-Yamatai life. She was Lara's connection to the outside world, to normalcy...to not falling into a pit of madness and anger and self-deprecation and all the garbage that Lara had been torturing herself with for the past several weeks. Like it or not, she was the one thing that was both shielding Lara from the pain and drawing her back out into society. Sam had no choice but to assume that role - obviously, it was the least she could do to look out for Lara, given the circumstances.
But did she know that this could happen?
"Penny for your thoughts? ...are those still something that humans use?"
"Thoughts, or pennies?" I sighed. "Both end up in a jar at some point, not being used."
Jane - the fox-girl with the brilliant head of fiery red hair - frowned in confusion. I guess kitsunes didn't often use figurative language. "...I'm sorry about your friend, Alex."
"I know."
"I swear to you and Lara, I'll find some clues tonight - someone in this city knows who took her."
"I know."
She wrung her hands nervously in her lap. Though I couldn't see them, I knew that nine golden fox tails twitched and swayed behind her back. If someone had told me pre-death that mythical vulpine creatures were an actual thing, I would've laughed in their faces - well, I would've done some strategic Googling first, then laughed in their faces.
God, what else was I ignorant of in this world? Part of me felt validated, all those years of conspiracy theories and the occult and science fiction potentially legitimized. Another part of me was just terrified.
And yet another part of me wondered just how intwined Jane was in this whole situation. "I didn't get a chance to ask you earlier, Jane," I said. We were both sitting on the sofa (myself fully clothed, by the way - just in case you were wondering if that ever happened), and now I turned my shoulders squarely to face her. "How did you get your ninth tail?"
Jane was many things, but stupid certainly wasn't one of them. Her brows crinkled. "Oh, come on," she muttered. "You don't think that I had something to do with this, do you?"
"I don't know what I think right now," I whispered, attempting to keep my tone even. "I'm just asking you a simple question."
She rose to her feet. "Simple? I don't think you'd begin to understand if I actually told you."
"Feel free to give me the abridged version."
"Look, Alex," Jane began. She glanced over at Lara, who gave no indication that she was listening in on our conversation. "First and foremost, your concern tonight needs to be for Lara, okay? She doesn't know which way is up right now, and I can't blame her. As far as Sam goes, there are a few people I plan on speaking with tonight...and some not-so people, for lack of a better description."
"And your tail?"
"Shit, you're relentless," she said, rolling her eyes. "To make a long story short, I earned it for helping you, all right? Take that however you wish, but for the first time in my long life, one of the old gods chose me to do something special and reunite the savior of Yamatai with her soulmate. That's not an opportunity that comes up every century, you know?"
Soulmate? The word rendered me speechless. Lara immediately stopped sweeping and wiped the tears from her cheek with the back of her hand. "What did you say?"
Jane turned to Lara with outstretched hands. "What, savior? That's what you are, Lara - I'm sorry the title came at the price of your sanity, but this is Kannon's way of making amends." She pointed to me. "Not to mention, her renewed presence in this world is going to make a lot of mortals happy, believe me. Himiko had suppressed her for a long time - she's got a ton of work to do."
"And Sam? Can she somehow help us find Sam?"
"Not if she's in immortal hands," Jane said, shaking her head. "Which I know isn't what you want to hear right now, but that's why I'm leaving in search of some answers." She walked up to Lara and put both hands on her shoulders - I didn't realize how tall she was, but even barefoot the girl had to be close to six feet. "I'll come back for you in the morning, Lara - I promise. But you're no good to me now. You need to rest. Let Alex take care of you, okay? He's been waiting for the opportunity." I couldn't control the heat in my face when both women fixated their eyes on me. Jane winked. I felt like a pre-teen.
Oooh, Alex likes you! Neener neener!
"I'll make some tea," I said quietly, shuffling off to the stove to grab the kettle. It was all I could do to keep myself from melting into a puddle of embarrassment. This wasn't the time or place to think about my feelings for Lara! Her best friend had been abducted from her bedroom, for Christ's sake!
Or, maybe this is the perfect time to be thinking about it, my mind whispered as I turned one of the front burners on. Why did Kannon bring me back, anyway? Not just as some sort of ridiculous gift or offering. There's got to be more to this whole situation...she's a goddess, obviously. Of course there's a master plan. But what?
I vaguely paid attention, focusing on prepping the kettle as Jane said her goodbyes to Lara and left via the balcony. I did, however, hear Lara gasp in surprise, prompting me to whirl around with wide eyes. "Did you see her fly, Alex?!" Lara cried, pointing to the nothingness where Jane just stood. "Oh, God, that was unlike anything I've ever seen."
"Yeah, she's a real frickin' spectacle," I said to myself as I rummaged through the cabinets in search of tea. "Hopefully no one on the street saw her."
Lara's footsteps were soft as they came closer, but I refused to turn around. I didn't have to look into a mirror to know that my cheeks were as red as beets, and the realization that we were alone for the first time ever made me tremble. Maybe I was a pre-teen at heart - lord knows I didn't have a lot of experience with women, least of all the beautiful ones. "The tea is in the cookie jar on the counter," Lara said. The sound of a barstool scraping against the floor made me jump, though it was just her sitting at the kitchen island. It may as well have been an oni warrior, judging by my reaction. I needed to play it much, much cooler.
"Thanks," I said, grabbing the jar. "I'm surprised you don't have the loose kind. Isn't that what you always had on the ship?"
"...Roth refused to buy bagged tea," she said, closing her eyes at the mention of his name. "It would have been more practical, surely, but the thought horrified him."
"Hmm, I never realized he was that hardcore about his tea habits," I said, pulling out two individually wrapped bags from the jar. "But, as a badass British treasure hunter, I wouldn't have expected anything less."
"I wonder what he'd have to say about all this," she said. "I doubt I'm living up to his expectations."
Red cheeks be damned, I turned to look at Lara. She had this strange, dreamy look on her face, like she wasn't in the room with me. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, but I noticed the bright blue of her irises shine like never before. "Hey, you can't think like that," I said. "You're doing the best you can, L.C. - and how long has it been, anyway? This isn't going to be an overnight recovery."
"I know, but Roth -"
"Roth had a lifetime of adventures under his belt," I said. "Yamatai was your first real expedition. Don't even try to make a comparison, because you're just going to beat yourself up."
Lara opened her mouth to speak, but chose not to and instead started to pull her hair back into a familiar ponytail. With that out of the way, I once again took notice of the paleness in her skin. I wasn't used to it - at one point, being on the Endurance had left Lara with just enough of a tan to look healthy. "I'm sorry," she said with a halfhearted chuckle. "I must look horrendous."
I shook my head. "No, it's not that - I mean, I don't think you could ever look less than beautiful. Even if you tried." Fuck, did I just say that out loud?
"Do you mean that, Alex?"
"Well...yeah."
Smooth, Weiss.
Her eyes broke away from mine and she smiled, for just a second. If I blinked, I probably would have missed it. The kettle began to whistle, demanding to be taken off of the heat. In my hunt for the tea, I did come across two mismatched mugs that were now sitting on the countertop, ready and waiting for hot water. "Sorry," I whispered. "I mean it. Really. But you know me, L.C. - I'm not good at, uh, feelings... I just don't want you to think I'm insincere."
"It's all right. I don't want you to think that I'm petty."
"Never. Not in a million years."
"Thanks," she said. "I was just looking forward to a bit of normalcy - Sam was, too. We planned on meeting with a historian at NYU to share some of the items we brought back from Yamatai, but after that... I just wanted to wash my hands of the whole thing. I still do. To even think about Himiko..."
"Normalcy, eh?" I carefully poured hot water into the mugs. "Like moving to the suburbs, white picket fence? You and Sam would be the most adorable faux-lesbian couple on the block."
She rolled her eyes. "Come off it, Alex. There's just no one else on this planet who understands... Oh, never mind." With a sigh, she took her mug and brought it to her face, reveling in the steam. "Everything is so complicated now."
"I think I'd be able to understand, L.C. - not to undermine Sam, obviously, and I'm sure I missed out on some of the details, being dead and all... But Yamatai is real for me, too."
"I know. I'm sorry," Lara said. "I just haven't had the time to properly adjust to the fact that you're you. And my thoughts...I'm all over the place. I so badly want to grab my gun and look for Sam myself. It feels strange to be sitting here, but..."
"We don't know what we're dealing with," I said. "But I don't have to tell you that. Jane is more than willing to do the legwork tonight, and we'll join in tomorrow."
"It's probably for the best." Lara wasn't typically the kind of girl who fidgeted in her seat - that was one of the things I noticed straight away, even before the Endurance days. When I first met Lara she was working at the Nine Bells as a barmaid and - much to the surprise of most patrons who weren't regulars - occasional security. She would stare down a guy three times her size without so much as unclenching her fist. Meanwhile, I'd always stare at her from my corner booth in awe.
Tonight, however, was a different story. Her hands absently twisted her ponytail, adjusted the straps of her tank top, drummed on the marble countertop... "Breathe," I said. "I know it's easier said than done, but you're going to give yourself a heart attack if you don't try to relax."
Lara nodded. "You never told me what the afterlife was like."
"I didn't, did I? Well..." I began, struggling for the right words. "It more or less was Yamatai, but like, devoid of human influence. Without Himiko's storms or the Solarii, it's an amazing place - I mean, I didn't really go exploring or anything, but I bet the forests would have been a million times prettier without gunmen hiding in the trees."
"How did you feel?"
"Um..." It was a good question - should have had a straightforward answer, but suddenly my mouth went dry. Oh, you know, I just felt the crippling, incalculable sadness that accompanies being permanently severed from the living. I cried because you won and I didn't think I'd ever be able to show you that I cared. I was saved, but it didn't feel like being saved if it meant being so far away from the only family I ever gave a shit about. "It's hard to put into words, honestly. I was scared to be left behind, but I knew that you guys were safe and that made me feel a bit better about my situation."
Lara nodded slowly, turning the mug on the counter, and I could tell she had a burning question. Beyond the apartment and its broken glass doors, I could hear a bottle shatter and people shouting at one another on the street. Before I had a chance to speak Lara was on her feet, her body squared toward the balcony and poised for a fight. "They're coming for us."
"I highly doubt it," I whispered, straining to hear the voices - one male, one female. It sounded like Spanish. Angry Spanish. "I'm not Rosetta Stone or anything, but I think it's safe to assume that what we're doing up here is the least of their worries."
"But even if it isn't them...someone is going to try to get to us."
"Yeah. Jane. In the morning." I offered a smile. "Let's just lock the screen door for now, okay?"
"Alex, that's not enough -"
"Breathe," I said once again. "Your bedroom door has a lock, right? Let's go, if you'll feel safer."
Lara was off in a flash, leaving me to grab both mugs and follow behind. I did stop to make sure that at least the screen door was locked and took a moment to peer out at the city. It definitely wasn't untrue to consider New York the city that never slept, but for some odd reason everything did seem calmer than I would've liked, save for the quarreling Spanish couple. Nothing I can worry about now, I thought, stepping lightly through the living room - Lara swept up the glass, but one could never be too careful.
Besides, Lara's doing enough worrying for the both of us.
When I opened her bedroom door to let myself in, I saw that the only light in the room came from a shoddy little lamp on Lara's desk. Her window was shut tight, which allowed for no air flow in the room whatsoever - suddenly, the hot tea seemed like a crappy idea. She was pacing back and forth and was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she almost didn't even see me walk in, and when she did she yelped in surprise. "Alex, don't do that!"
"Do what?" I walked over to the desk and set the mugs down. "Should we have a special knock or something? Like a password? It might not be a half bad idea, as ridiculous as it sounds..."
My eyes took note of several items on the desk, each one more interesting than the last. First - and most lethal - was the .9mm handgun that sat casually on the desktop. It shouldn't have been so surprising, considering that a gun to Lara Croft was like chap stick to, well...any other girl on the earth. I shuddered at the thought of Lara actually shooting the gun, however, in her current mental state.
The second item was familiar, so familiar that it took my breath away. "Coco!"
Lara stopped pacing and turned to glance at me. "What did you say?"
"This..." It was Coco's stuffed bunny, just like I remembered. I picked it up and pressed my fingertips into the spot where its button eye was supposed to be. "I met this girl on Yamatai. After I died. Her name was Coco, and her older sister -"
"Millie?"
"Yeah! How'd you know?" I was gobsmacked, so much so that I actually feel compelled to use the word gobsmacked.
"I found a wallet containing their photograph," Lara said. "They were carrying the toys. But you're telling me that they're..?"
"Safe," I breathed. "Not technically alive, but safe with Kannon."
Once again, that burning question flickered behind Lara's eyes - I had a feeling I knew what it was, but I wanted to hear her ask as opposed to me volunteering the information. If perhaps she had the courage to say their names out loud, maybe, just maybe...
My eyes fell to the third item on the desk, primarily because there was an awkward silence growing between myself and Lara that I wanted to diffuse. I wasn't good at silence - even in a normal everyday setting it made me antsy and uncomfortable, like being scrutinized under a microscope or something. Especially on dates, not that I went on a lot of those. But the few that I did experience as a teenager? Yeah, those were chock full of dead air.
Little did I realize that this silence was about to go above and beyond anything I'd ever experienced in my adolescence. Like, if silence was as deafening as people were oft to say, then my ears should rightly have bled. There was a piece of paper on Lara's desk - nothing flashy, and to be perfectly honest, it looked like someone had crumpled it up to use for wastebasket basketball. What piqued my interest, though...
My handwriting.
It had been awhile since I saw my own handwriting. This particular example of my penmanship was nothing to write home about - pun intended - and looked like I'd scratched it down with an old quill pen. I could hear Lara's breath catch in her throat when she realized precisely what I was looking at, and for a moment I tried to imagine the scenario as it played out - me huddling behind a stack of crates, shaking like a leaf while I wrote. The heavy footsteps of Solarii as they walked by, armed to the teeth. The metallic tang of blood in my mouth because I bit my tongue while writing that last sentence:
But maybe I can still do something to get her attention.
"How in God's name..?"
Lara's face was crimson. Despite her fears, she walked over to the window and cracked it open just a tad, letting the cool air soothe her skin. "I wanted to keep your memory alive," she said, just loud enough for me to hear. "I didn't...it didn't occur to me until you were gone that I was a terrible friend - to you, in particular. If I could carry your words with me, I thought it would help. I didn't want to forget."
She was getting visibly upset. Every muscle, every nerve wanted to go over and gather her up in my arms like I'd done so many times in my dreams. Now that it was an actual, tangible option, however... I froze. Shit, what was I supposed to do? I'd never played the role of "strong, comforting man" - I practically invented the jokester nerd character, but I was certain Lara wasn't interested in seeing that performance.
"L.C., you were never a terrible friend to me. If anything, I was terrible for going off on my own for those tools and thinking that I could spare you a trip. I was terrible for putting my feelings for you before your own safety. I had so many opportunities to tell you what was going on in my head before we even boarded the ship... goddamn it, I should just spend the rest of my life apologizing to you for being an insincere douche bag."
"There's no need," she said. Her body language still read embarrassed, but I could feel something in the atmosphere shift.
The words were leaving my mouth before I realized what was happening. "Roth and Grim... They're okay, Lara. I'm not sure if that's completely off-topic or anything, but you need to know that they're okay. If there's anything you should know about my time in the afterlife, it's that Kannon took good care of them." I took a step closer. My heart was beating so fast, I wouldn't have been surprised if it burst. "She said they ascended, which I assume means that they got VIP access through the pearly gates. Champagne bottles, two hundred nubile virgins - the whole shebang."
Lara laughed, the sound of which was so pure that my knees shook - God, it felt so good to hear her laugh. I was afraid I'd never hear that again. "Are you absolutely sure?"
"Oh, yeah," I reassured her. "Kannon told me herself. Well, maybe not about the virgins, or the champagne...but everything else is totally legitimate." She smiled, and I could feel my own mouth mimicking the expression. "So please, L.C. - don't worry so much. We're going to get Sam back come hell or high water, and everyone else is exactly where they want to be."
"Are you?" Lara tilted her head to the side and studied me with a mixture of emotions that I didn't immediately recognize. "In all honesty, Alex... I feel like I'm losing my mind, bit by bit. There have been mornings where I wake up and I just...don't even know who I am anymore. Is this how you want to be spending your life?"
"Hey, I'd rather babysit your crazy ass than do anything else. Honestly. You...you mean a lot to me, Lara. I couldn't possibly leave you in the dust, not now."
Not ever.
What happened next, well... I still wonder if it was brought on by despair. It wouldn't be surprising, you know? Both of us were products of a situation that no human being ever should have been subjected to - it leaves behind this constant, insatiable ache in your bones. It's hard to describe if you've never been in the thick of it, but when I looked at Lara, I knew her pain because it was something we shared. Our physical wounds weren't the same, but we both knew what it was like to be hunted. That feeling never goes away, and I guess it just makes you want to seek out a safe haven, a place that subdues that constant terror of being found and destroyed.
I couldn't tell you who made the first move. I want to say that I had the balls to do it, but I'd probably be lying. Lara's lips were on mine in a flash, and for a fleeting moment my mind was on praying mantids. Don't get me wrong - her lips were pillowy and soft, and she smelled like lavender and citrus and magic, but I still couldn't stop thinking about the cannibalization of those poor male mantids during, um...you know.
Damn it, Weiss. She's kissing you! She's beautiful, and she's all you ever wanted in your measly life, and...oh, my God. Her tongue is in your mouth. DO YOU READ ME?
Lara's hands were tangled in my hair as she stood on her tiptoes, doing everything short of jumping me in order to get as close as possible. I wound my arms around her body and pulled her close, marveling at her tone - it was one thing to see her, but to feel her was an entirely different and unforgettable sensory experience. She made this tiny little sound against my lips that caused every nerve in my body to buzz with anticipation. It was animalistic. There was a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach that I'd only ever experienced a few times before, all-consuming and primitive.
And her chest - oh, man. Words haven't been invented to describe the feeling, especially as my hands skimmed over her shirt and into that foreign territory. I wanted to know what every inch of her body felt like, and I could feel her come alive beneath my touch in a way that transcended my wildest imagination.
But then my conscience kicked in. Okay, so we know that this is what you've always wanted, Weiss - you touched her chest. Check it off your bucket list. You've got to ask yourself, though - is this just physical gratification? Is this guilt? Doesn't she deserve something more than sex derived from distress?
Fuck. I broke the kiss, but still kept Lara in a tight embrace. She pressed her face into my shoulder - I could only imagine that she was embarrassed, but in a way, so was I. "Lara, you have absolutely no idea -"
"It's okay," she murmured. "I'm a catastrophe, Alex. You don't have to want me."
"Are you kidding?" I grabbed her shoulders and held her out so that I could look her straight in the eye. "Lara, I'm not lying when I say that I have never wanted anything in my life as much as I want you." The tone of my voice was laced with this lusty quality that even caught me off guard - does the prospect of getting it on make everyone sound like a pseudo Barry White, or was it just me in that moment? "And believe me, this is damn near close to my dream scenario. But... I don't want to do this when we both feel so lost. Does that make sense?"
"I suppose so..."
"Seriously," I said with a smile. "I want to get to know you, L.C. - not just the adventurer side of you. I want to know the girl I met at the Nine Bells, the one who intimidated me so much that it took a week for me to ask you for a beer."
She raised a curious eyebrow. "Did it truly take you a week?"
"God - see? You didn't even notice I was there!" I sighed and readjusted my glasses, which were pleasantly askew from so much kissing. "I read Watchmen four times that week before I found the courage to talk to you."
Lara covered her mouth with her hand and stared at me, wide-eyed. "Why didn't you ever tell me that I'd been so daft? I'm sorry!"
"Oh, no, no," I said, shaking my head. "Nothing to apologize for! You were doing your job, L.C. - it wasn't your responsibility to entertain the geek in the corner booth. I never held that against you."
"But I feel awful about that ever happening."
"Then, in the future you'll just have to make up for it." I winked, and found myself shocked at how skillfully I was handling this situation when my last intimate encounter with a girl had been at least several years prior. "But for now, we focus on what's important: finding Sam. Banishing evil. Saving the day - basically, what we're good at."
Lara nodded, and shrugged her way out of my grip and over to her desk. She grabbed the .9mm and held it in both hands. "Sorry," she said. "I'm sleeping with this on the nightstand. Is that all right?"
"Yeah, sure. Do what you need to do."
"Well, I wasn't sure..." Her gaze fell to her feet. It was endearing, this awkwardness - the Lara I knew on the Endurance never let anyone see her at less than her best. Being on a ship with people like Dr. Whitman, I guess that approach made sense, but it was refreshing to experience her vulnerability. I could tell that she thought it was a weakness - I silently disagreed.
"Did you want to stay, Alex?"
"If it's what you want," I said, well before I even gave the question any thought. Why else would she be asking?
She walked past me, laid the gun on her nightstand and sat at the foot of her bed. Her hands were clasped tightly in her lap. "I think...I would feel safe if you chose to stay," she said. "Is that all right? God, I've no experience in this sort of thing, you probably think I'm even crazier than I was earlier today."
I shrugged. "It's new territory for both of us, L.C.. What, did you think I was some sort of Don Juan growing up?" She didn't respond. I frowned. "Oh, come on. Not even a little?"
"Not quite."
"Damn. You're a good judge of character - better than I care to admit."
"You're ridiculous," Lara said as she pulled down her comforter and slowly crawled into bed, deliberately leaving space. Even in the darkness I could see the redness in her cheeks, and I'm sure I looked the same - I think between the two of us, we had the romantic experience of maybe three-quarters of a sixteen-year-old. "Is this okay?"
"Yeah," I said as I took several slow steps to the bed. "You know, I think the only time I actually ever spent a full night in someone's else's bed was when Jonah and I tried to drink Bacardi 151 - nasty shit, I tell you. I don't know how we didn't get alcohol poisoning, but I remember waking up the next morning with my head hanging off the bed and my legs across Jonah's chest. Seriously, Reyes was so pissed. She'd been trying to get a hold of me that morning to do work in the engine room. Needless to say, I got chewed out...and the messed up thing was, Reyes never said a thing to Jonah. I wonder how she's going to react when she knows I'm alive..."
I had a penchant for rambling on a good day, but now that I was crawling into Lara Croft's bed, I felt like I couldn't shut my mouth for fear of this all being a dream. It wasn't until she pressed her fingertips to my lips that I felt the sudden urge to shut up. She smiled. "Thank you, Alex."
"My bad," I said. "I'm nervous. Can't you tell?" I did my best to get comfortable and simultaneously give Lara ample space - who knew? Maybe she didn't want to cuddle. It was hard to tell whether or not she liked that sort of thing, and I certainly didn't want to be presumptuous with a handgun only inches away.
"I'm just thankful that you're here," she whispered, and quietly curled herself against my body so that her head rested on my chest. I took her hand in my own and traced aimless circles on her skin with my thumb, afraid to speak. This wasn't a moment worth ruining by saying something stupid to fill up the silence. As a matter of fact, I was terrified that this really was a dream, that I was going to wake up back on Yamatai with Kannon and realize that there was no way I could be this lucky...
...and then I heard Lara snore. I glanced down and saw that her eyes were closed and felt her clinging to me so tightly that a slip of paper wouldn't have fit between our bodies. My own breathing slowed once I realized that yes, I was this lucky, even if just for a night. Just feeling her relax gave me a renewed sense of purpose - I wrapped my arm around her and inhaled, once again allowing my nose to be flooded with her familiar floral scent.
There was no telling what the morning was going to bring. I didn't even know what time it was, and though I could feel sleep threatening my eyelids I wasn't ready to drift away. She felt too good. In the throes of all the uncertainty - Sam, Himiko, the old gods, our safety - I couldn't have been more grateful just for the opportunity to hold her.
Thank you, Kannon.
