Irreplaceable
"Gumi!"
"Rin?"
I turned around toward her voice, so hopelessly hopeful, so dreadfully desperate. I thought I saw her smile for a moment, but there was nothing but air. Disappointment and agony threatened to swallow me whole as I buried my face between my knees again. I heard a giggle, her lighthearted giggle, and, knowing all the while that there was no chance, I looked toward her again, but she wasn't there.
"Gumi?"
It wasn't her voice this time. I buried my head deeper. I couldn't look at her, not her, not now, not ever.
Her hand was on my shoulder, so I sharply threw it away. I wasn't sure if she flinched or not, but I hoped she did. "Gumi, are you okay?"
What a stupid question. I was far from okay.
I heard that beautiful laughter, but I knew it wasn't nearly there. I screwed my eyes shut. I wouldn't look, wouldn't look, wouldn't look.
"Gumi, do you love me?"
That voice in my ear, it wasn't really there. It wasn't, wasn't, wasn't.
"Gumi, you need to get out of here." That voice was really there, but it wasn't the voice I wanted, needed.
"Hey, Gumi, I love you. Did you know that?"
"It's not good for you to stay here, Gumi." Her voice was soft, coaxing, nothing like hers. I didn't like it, didn't like it, didn't like it.
"I've always loved you."
"Come outside with me, alright? Just get out of here. The world's still out there, waiting for you."
I didn't want to say anything in front of her, but hearing her voice left me so completely desperate that tears were filling my eyes, so I whimpered her name into the fabric around my knees. I was certain this time of her flinch, and the pain in her voice gave me a sick satisfaction that only broke me further apart.
"Rin's not here, Gumi, okay? I'm here for you, though. I know I can't ever be her, but I'll try my best to make myself the best I can be for you."
"I'm sorry, Gumi, I lied. But you knew that, didn't you?"
Her giggle was so cruel, unlike anything I'd ever heard from her. It suited her, though, if I thought about it. She seemed more like the kind for that kind of giggle than for the smile and jovial laugh she always gave me. She was so cruel, so very cruel, so why did I forgive her of it all?
"I know you love me, but I'll never love you back. It's just the way it is. How did it feel, though, knowing that I might? For just one moment, knowing I was in love with you?"
"Please, Gumi, at least let me try."
I loved her, so I forgave her of everything. If she came back to me now, I'd forgive her for everything in an instant. It was all I wanted. I loved her. I wanted her to love me, too. And, even if she wouldn't, I wanted her here beside me. I wanted her close to me.
"You don't have to stop being in love with her. I know that's not happening anytime soon. I just want you to be with me so that I can protect you from her."
"I'll never be in love with you, but you can keep hoping, if you'd like. I'll allow you that. Just don't do it in front of Gakupo. He's my boyfriend, after all, so that'd just be uncalled for."
Those words made me numb, even if I knew she herself wasn't the one to speak them, and I looked up to her and spoke.
"Iroha, I'll give you a chance."
Her shining tears and brilliant smile when I said that only made me feel worse, because I knew I was still in love with her and always would be. No one could ever take her place, no matter how hard she might try.
Author's Note: I have so many stories I just can't seem to manage to finish. Sorry this isn't long; it's just a drabble really to let you know I'm alive. I just can't seem to draw an ending to anything right now, so I'm writing a lot but have nothing to post. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it at least. Review if you have the chance.
