i sit here thinking about her. shes right across the hall, but i cant bring myself to do it. i want to tell her so bad that it hurts to think about it. i dont know if she will accept me or reject me. she gazes into my soul in such a way i cant look her in the eyes for to long or i wont want to look away. i want her, but does she want me? no. she wouldnt want me. i find fun in doing things dangerously, im her captain, and im her friend. she wouldnt want someone like me, it just wouldnt work. i havent felt love like this in so long. the pain of being alone, suffering alone, no one i can truly talk to and connect with. what time is it. 2:30, yet another sleepless night, these thoughts i cant get rid of. if i had one perfect opportunity to tell her i love her,
i proboaly wouldnt take it, but if i did i would make her feel like she is the most important person in the world. id make love to her so passionately and show her theres nothing to be afraid of. why do i do this to myself, i should just tell her. put all fear aside, im a skynight for hells sake, ive done things that could have cost me my life, my freedom, and her, yet im scared to walk the ten feet from where im sitting, out my room, across the hall, and into hers to tell her how i feel. i always talk to myself this way about how i will do it every night and yet i never do. i must sound like a mad man. alright, alright, alright, here we go. stand, ok so far so good, turn right, ok still holding together, aaaaannndddd walk... walk... left foot move... now im frozen in place and cant move cause of just how scared i really am. why must this be so hard for me to do. ok get your head together, its not that hard to walk, ok, ok, ok, here we go, round 2. right foot move, ok good im moving, the doors not malfunctioning which means that im half way there. frozen... again... in my door way. alright, time for round 3. left foot move... move... MOVE you can do this. alright im moving and now im standing in front of her door. do i knock, just walk in, or barge in acting like i think somethings wrong. ill just knock, ya thats what ill do. polite, non-invasive, and if she doesnt answer i can just go back to bed feeling stupid... yet again. ok here goes. once, twice, three times.
she answers her door sleepily. "whats wrong?" she asks.
i look at her amazing amber eyes almost getting lost but quickly reply.
"i.. uuh.. had to.. umm tell you something... nothings wrong, its just i uuh.. wanted to tell you..."
"what is it aerrow, you know you can tell me anything." she says with such a soothing voice.
even at this time at night she can be the most beautiful and calming person to be around.
i look at her and say, almost stumbling every word, "im completely and madly in love with you and i know i may not be the guy for you, but i just wanted you to know cause ive spent so many nights thinking of you and i finally had to tell you, and, and.."
she looks at me, eyes wide, and shocked and i cant tell if she thinks im the dumbest person ever or if shes trying to figure out what i just said.
as i look at her, she all of a sudden justs calms down, smiles that angelic smile, leans in, and kisses me while closing her eyes. my eyes close and i almost explode with happiness as i embrace her in my arms, her arms against my naked chest, her warm smooth skin touching mine, her lips so soft, and her hair draping over her shoulder after being set free from her hair band. my body tingles, my heart flutters, and my pulse quickens as i hold her there in her door way at 2:30 in the morning. she pulls away and guides me to her bed.
and pulls me in. i lay there, her sleeping on my chest, so warm and comforting. i begin to fall asleep and she nuzzles my neck and i pull her closer to me. if only i could stay like this forever.
