Castle was crossing the street with a cupcake in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, glancing all around and trying to find a free spot in the park across from Magnolia Bakery in the village. Sipping his coffee while he walked, he saw a bench not far away. As he walked straight towards it, someone called out to him, and he looked down at the woman sitting on the bench before the one he had spotted.
"Beckett! I didn't see you," he said as he sat down next to her.
"Yeah, I saw that… lost in your thoughts?"
"Something like that. I didn't think the park was going to be so swamped. Is it always like this?"
"I wouldn't know, usually. Before the new captain, I didn't use my days off, but you know with her now it's either take it or leave it."
"The woman is scary."
"I wouldn't say scary. For a writer, you sure are losing your touch, huh?" she said, smirking.
"OK, let's try…threatening, intimidating, daunting, looming, menacing, ominous, witch- like?"
"OK, OK, you're not losing your touch. And yeah, but she must have done something right, right?" Her inquiring look hid the sadness that threatened to arise from thinking about why they had a new captain at the 12th precinct. Castle quickly picked up on it and changed the subject.
"So, my dearest detective, what are you doing alone at the park on this beautiful autumn afternoon?"
She lifted an eyebrow. "Free day, nothing to do, cravings for one of these." Castle watched her as she took a bite of the cupcake she was holding and after swallowing she added, "I'm fine, Castle…"
"I wasn't asking."
"You weren't asking very loudly."
"It's just, you, and me, and you and…" He sipped his coffee, not being able to continue. She squeezed his leg just an inch above his knee.
"I'm fine, Rick."
He looked at her, piercing her green eyes with his and was about to say something when a young blonde girl approached them.
"Oh my god, you're Richard Castle! THE Richard Castle, right? Because if not I'm totally making a fool of myself," the girl stopped when she saw Beckett's hand on his leg, as soon as Beckett realized her hand was still there she took it away, "I am making a fool of myself, you were busy, and, anyway, can you? I'm sorry, my mom is a huge fan. Would you mind signing this? She lent it to me, and you totally could say no, but it would be nice…" she took a copy of Heat Rises of her bag.
To shush her, Castle took the copy and the girl quickly gave him a pen."Jane, my mother's name." Castle quickly wrote something, and the girl said thank you and walked away.
Beckett had started looking at her surroundings, and had got lost in them for the last part of the conversation between the writer and the girl. Watching some black clouds moving over the sun and glancing at the fallen leaves on the ground, she hadn't even realized the girl had gone away until Castle spoke.
"So, I was thinking…"
"It's getting late, and apparently it might rain." She pointed at the clouds. Castle swallowed and looked down. Bad timing, always.
"Yeah, do you need a ride?"
The hurt on his face hurt her, and she couldn't find the courage to ask him if what he'd said that day was only a crazy dream she had during the moment or if it was reality. (I love you were three powerful words)
Deep down she knew it was the truth, but deep down she was also scared to even think about it, because even if he had changed - and Lainie had made her a big list of why she should dive in with him - more than saying always, little comments, and looks, he hadn't had the courage to voice his feelings for her and she was stubborn. Why did she have to be the first one? The one time she had tried, things hadn't gone so well. Another voice told her: the time you tried was long ago, and nothing was like back then.
She looked at him and smiled seeing the child-like look he had while eating the cupcake, and couldn't hold back the obligatory giggle when she saw the tip of his nose covered in cupcake frosting. He looked at her curiously and she quickly grabbed one of the dispensable napkins they had given her at the store and cleaned his nose. He blushed and she smirked, "9 years old, Castle."
"I'm sorry, but these things…I stopped wondering why they're called devil's food* as soon as I ate one for the first time a couple of months ago. These things are yummy!"
"Do you think you can manage to eat while we walk to the car? It's getting chilly."
"Yeah, but bring the napkin with you," he gave her one of his childish signature smiles and she melted. Not that she was going to accept it, yet.
They walked in comfortable silence to his car, probably because Castle was finishing his cupcake. When he stopped in front of a blue Audi Q5, Beckett looked at him suspiciously.
"How many cars do you actually have?" He was about to answer when she stopped him by putting her hand on his chest. "You know what? I don't wanna know."
Castle took out the keys from his pocket and gave them to her raising his eyebrows. "You know you wanna..."
She stared at him and rolled her eyes. Yanking the keys from his hands, she went to the driver's side and opened the door. He got in and she started the car. Castle started changing radio stations and Beckett enjoyed the ride. He left one that was playing'I Fought the Law' from The Clash. Beckett looked at him and he shrugged. "I thought it fitted."
She smirked. "Really, The Clash, Castle?"
"What? I had my wild years."
"Oh yeah, I know. We could read about them on any magazine or fan site."
"Ha! Accepting that once upon a time you fangirled over me, detective?" She side-eyed him before rolling her eyes. Some things were almost like 3 years ago.
"Castle, you didn't tell me why you were alone in the park."
"Alexis went to Stanford with Ashley this weekend, and staying at home alone wasn't a fun plan."
"You could have called me, you know?" She regretted saying it the moment the words slipped out of her mouth.
"I needed to think."
She wanted to erase the sadness in his eyes and she wished for a moment that things were easy and complicated like 3 years ago, but she couldn't erase time, and facts, and from his look she knew he was thinking the same thing. The rest of the trip was silent, and this time the silence wasn't a comfortable one. The elephant in the room has been awoken… again. She parked his car about one block away from her apartment, then she let the seatbelt loose and looked at him. The way he was looking at her reminded her of the time he said she was a mystery he was never going to solve. What if she wanted to stop being a mystery?
"What are your plans for the evening, Castle?"
"Try to write something, eat pancakes for dinner, and maybe watch a movie…"
"Hum, OK."
"Why, detective? Were you going to ask me over?" He waggled his eyebrows.
"Castle, you're impossible sometimes."
"You like impossible?"
"Maybe I do." The implications of her answer hit her, but for that moment she wasn't going to back down, and was going to see if he was done with fooling around and behaving like a teenager.
He swallowed, taken aback but her answer and trying not to think about the connotation, because he knew she was out of his league. His friend? She could be. Something else? He didn't even know anymore.
"If you don't mind this old man's company, we could re-watch Forbidden Planet…?"
She gave him the keys and opened the door. "Are you coming?"
Castle quickly got out of the car and followed her to the apartment. As soon as he entered he was hit by the memory of leaving her there with Jim after she was released from the hospital and looked at her lovingly, following her to the kitchen. Quickly she started gathering papers that were laying over the counter. He saw what they were and got serious.
"I needed to get away from this today, and I ended up at the park where you found me."
"I wasn't asking."
Kate lost her patience. "Yeah, you weren't asking very loudly like always. Stop making me feel guilty, Castle."
"I'm not making you feel anything, Kate."
"The hell you aren't. I need to find who the people were who ordered her death, I can't, I…" She ran her hand through her hair, and held back the tears that were coming because of everything she had been through, they had been through…
"Look, Kate, I know you do, but you need to pick your battles better. I don't even know what else to say because you obviously don't get it. You have no idea what was it to see you closing your eyes, thinking we'd lost you, seeing your father pacing around a hospital corridor, you've no idea, and…"
"Why do you always talk about what other people felt? What did you feel?"
"Do you even care?"
"YES! What do you want, Rick? Really, because I'm out of answers right now. I can't walk away from my mother's case, I just can't. I can take things slower, but I can't walk away. You of all the people I know are the last one I thought was going to ask me that…"
"Your father came to see me the night before everything went downhill. He told me I was the only one that could make you see that your life was more important that your mother's death. Clearly he was mistaken, because we almost…you almost…you…damn it, Kate, you just don't see it!"
"I don't," she shook her head, and rubbed her eyes "What!" she sighed and quieter added, " what is that I don't see?"
"I don't know what I'd do if you…I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't made it, I …you…" He was rambling, and his voice had decreased a lot in volume. He was almost whispering and the words that were so easy to say when she was laying in his arms months ago were being held back. Kate looked at him with tears in her eyes and she knew those three words were truth (Even if they freaked her out a little). "Castle." He wasn't looking at her, and something was really interesting about the floor. "Rick, look at me." He looked at her, and she was a lot closer than she was before.
"Look, I can't promise I will leave the case alone. I can promise, however, that I will try - try being the key word - not to go crazy and won't shut everyone out when something comes up. I will try. Is that enough?"
"Will you let me pull you back up when trying isn't enough? Will you listen to me and try not to shut me out?"
"I promise. Can you promise not to walk away?" She was dangerously close now.
"I keep showing up, don't I?"
"Yes, you do. Now the question would be why?"
"You really need the answer?"
She was fidgeting with one of his shirt buttons and he couldn't take it anymore. He raised her head by the chin so she was facing him and kissed her. He broke the kiss before it got steamier and looked at her, giving her time to walk away, to stop him. She kissed him more forcefully this time, nibbling his lower lip while unbuttoning his shirt. Castle lifted her so she was sitting on the kitchen counter, breaking the kiss for a second when she took his shirt off, lifting her arms to lose her own. He caressed the sides of her abdomen, lingering for a second on the bullet scar, and she took the chance to pull him even closer, kissing his neck and whispering: "Bedroom now."
When she woke up, the side of the bed Castle had occupied for the rest of the night was empty. Putting a robe on, she brushed her teeth before walking to the kitchen. Beckett found him wearing only boxers and his shirt while making pancakes. There were already 2 plates and coffee mugs over the kitchen counter, and she couldn't do anything else but smile at the sight.
"Something smells nice."
"Hey… did I wake you up?"
"Not really. The smell, maybe. We didn't eat last night."
"Yeah, pancakes for breakfast aren't as fun as for dinner, but your toaster is broken."
"I know."
He looked at her, trying to read if she was still OK with them being them. She walked over to him and gave him a peck on the lips.
"I like having someone making me pancakes."
"Someone? Way to hurt a man's ego the morning after."
She hugged him, letting her head rest on his chest. "You, OK? I like you in my kitchen, making me pancakes." Beckett untangled herself from his embrace and looked at him.
"I will make you pancakes for as long as you want, Kate."
"And maybe toast?"
"Whatever you want."
"Always?"
"Always."
She entered the precinct on Monday and found a package on her desk. A toaster. Beckett smiled at the sight, making Esposito and Ryan look at each other in a very confused way.
The end
N/A: *Devil's food is actually the name of the cupcake on saturday's menu. Reviews are specially being this my first attempt to write a castle fic
