Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Mikage Tamae, however, is my own creation.
A/N: I had originally uploaded this as 'Where the Muse Takes You' before the revelations/spoilers of chapter 97 in the manga. At least I think it was 97. Anyhow, I debated about whether or not to keep my present Akito or replace it with the newly 'revealed' Akito...eventually, I decided that since I completed 'Learning to Stand' with a male Akito then I should continue along that course. I'd like to thank all the readers who reviewed my previous fic--hopefully you'll continue to read this one. R&R, onegai!
Learning to Fall
PrologueSohma Shigure knelt several feet behind the young woman. To the casual observer, she appeared relaxed. On closer inspection, however, he noticed the tightness through her shoulders and back, the stiffness of her arms as she placed her hands in her lap. Her head was down, making her hair droop down the sides of her face. She waited.
So did he. Waited for the young man who lounged by the open shoji door to acknowledge their presence. Waited for his interrogation of the woman, waited for the inevitable explosion. It seemed that whenever an outsider was involved, he always waited for the inevitable.
Finally the young man stood. He moved to stand before the woman slowly, lethargically, drawing out the moment of suspense with an expertise worthy of the greatest actors. The woman didn't move as his feet stilled in front of her.
"You are Mikage Tamae." It was not a question.
"Hai, Sohma-sama," came her reply. Shigure wasn't surprised by the firmness in her tone. In all the time he'd known her, she'd been a fighter.
"Sohma...sama? My, we are well-informed." Akito said dryly. "Do you know why you're here?"
"Not exactly, Sohma-sama." She still had her head down. He leaned down and cupped his hand beneath her chin, pulling her eyes to meet his.
"You're here because you're poison, Mikage Tamae...chan." At the word 'poison' Tamae stiffened. Now why would she do that?
"I don't understand."
"I wouldn't expect you to. You're nothing, like that idiot girl who tried to take my Yuki away from me. You tried to take away my uma."
"Your uma?" Shigure hid his smile. Tamae was trying to play dumb.
"Yes. My dear, tortured little Rin. You tried to take her away!"
"This is about...Isuzu-chan?" Tamae asked in feigned wonder. Akito tightened his grip on her jaw and she flinched back.
"Don't you ever refer to her with such familiarity. She's mine! I won't let anyone else have her, especially not some stupid, ugly, disgusting outsider!" Akito snarled. Tamae back straightened and Shigure knew that Akito had gotten what he wanted. Tamae was going to fight him. And Akito was going to punish her for it.
"She's yours? You don't even want her. You treat her like she's some animal. Like she's your own personal whipping post. You treat them all like that!" Tamae kept her voice low, but the anger in her tone had Akito smiling coldly. Bad move, Tamae-san.
"You're right; I don't want her. She's nothing but a worthless uma. But she's my worthless uma."
"She's not worthless."
"Not to you. I wonder, when you found out about her curse, did you love her more for it? Was it easier to love her because of it?"
"I loved her before I discovered it. She's my friend. It's a part of her. That's all I needed to know." Akito knelt down before Tamae, effectively hiding his expression from the observant Shigure.
"Is that so? You hurt her, Tamae-chan. Knowing you hurts her. Your acceptance hurts her. The only peace she can ever have is with us. You're nothing but a source of pain for her."
"I won't ever believe that."
"She told you about the curse to drive you away, yet you stayed. Tamae-chan is selfish."
"She didn't tell me. I figured it out on my own. Everyone told me to stop, but I kept on. I ignored them."
"Selfish."
"Hai, it was. But secrets are meant to be uncovered, aren't they? I could never resist a mystery." Tamae said the last cockily, daring Akito to do his worst. Akito only chuckled. He must be in a good mood today.
"And now you'll pay for that. Baka onna. No matter what you do, she belongs to me. She'll always belong to me. And I say you have no place in her life any longer. She'll pay for thinking she could escape me through you."
"You won't hurt her! I won't let you."
"Let?" Akito's voice lowered. "Let? How will you stop me? You won't even know her! That will be punishment enough, I think--to meet the unrecognizing gaze of her friend. Every time she sees you she'll know that she's the reason you aren't her friend. And she'll be so hurt, so saddened by this that she'll never think to look outside for companionship again." He stood up again, releasing his grip on Tamae's face. She stared up at him with a mixture of revulsion and pity.
"You're just like him." She mused aloud. Her mouth quirked with odd humor.
"Eh?"
"Sohma Katsuo-sama. You're just like him. Are all the jyuunishi gods like the two of you, I wonder? Does absolute power over so few drive you all mad? Are you so afraid they'll leave you that you'll torture their bodies and their souls to keep them chained?" Akito and Shigure both stared at the kneeling woman in shock. No one had dared challenge God so brazenly.
"How dare you!" Akito raised a hand and brought it crashing down across her face. She brought her own hand to her cheek and smiled at him.
"I have nothing to lose. You called me poison. It's funny that you should use that word, Sohma-sama; I used the same one for you." Akito backed away from her, rage flushing his cheeks. He finally centered his gaze on the man kneeling behind her.
"Shigure! Take this...thing... to Hatori. I want her memories erased! I want her to know nothing about her friendship, about the curse or the Sohmas! And I want Rin to watch." Shigure carefully kept his expression bland. Tamae had taken a foolish risk and for what--to get a little of her own back? Akito turned away from the pair and Shigure rose, walking to where the young woman still knelt.
"Tamae-san, we must go now." She looked up at him, her eyes awash with tears and—regret?
"H-hai, Sohma-san." She let him help her to her feet. Briskly, he escorted her from Akito's quarters, keeping a hand on her elbow.
"That was foolish, Tamae-san. If I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted him to order your memories erased." She sighed at his accusation.
"It was going to happen eventually. I don't want Isuzu-chan to always be so afraid. Maybe, subconsciously, I did push Akito. But Shigure, was there even a chance that he'd have let me go with my memory intact?" Shigure stopped her, considering her question for a long moment.
"He was in a good mood, Tamae-san. I don't know if he would have or not. I only know that you played a foolish hand and are now only considering the possibility that it didn't have to be this way. That is very unlike you." Her shoulders slumped at his response.
"Take me to Hatori-san, Sohma-san." She said wearily. She looked very like she had the time he'd confronted her about her knowledge. He felt an odd urge to comfort her.
"It will be all right, Tamae-san."
"Can you say that and believe it, Sohma-san? When my memories are gone, the person I am will be gone as well. If I meet you by chance, will you be disappointed in the person I'll become? Will Isuzu-chan? I don't want to forget!" she said, near crying.
"I think that whoever you'll be, you'll still be Tamae-san."
"But I won't be the same Tamae!" she cried. "I'll be the Tamae that wore shapeless clothes and ignored everyone around her because she was too afraid they wouldn't accept her. I'll be the Tamae that had to lie to approach Isuzu-chan. I'll be the Tamae who didn't learn that someone else was more important..." she trailed off. Shigure was glaring—glaring!—at her.
"Hai, you might be that Tamae,. But there's no sense in getting worked up over it now. What's done is done. Now deal with the consequences. Rin-san still needs you to be strong." He grabbed her elbow and dragged her to Hatori's house.
"You can let go, Sohma-san." Tamae told him once they'd reached it. "I'm all right now." Greatly daring, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Arigatou, Sohma-san. You've been a good friend. I'll be sorry to forget you, too."
He smiled at her. "Is that what it takes to get a kiss from Tamae-san? Yelling at her? I'll have to keep that in mind for later!" She blushed. He opened the door and bowed solicitously, waving the young woman on to her fate.
