Beckett couldn't sleep. She wasn't sure why she could catch a few hours at the station, but couldn't find solace enough to sleep in Castle's very comfy bed. Maybe because there was just so much noise with the hustle and bustle at the station. Here there was just silence giving her mind too much time to think. In truth it was the healthiest of things for her. Her apartment blew up in it was everything thing she owned. Beckett's gaze went to her naked wrist and felt the tears burn the back of her throat. There wasn't much that she needed and wasn't really a material kind of girl except for her two things. Two things that reminded her what she had lost and what she had saved.
She played with her mother's ring, rolling it between the tips of her fingers as if comforting herself. This was all she had of her mother. All the pictures and other personal items had gone up in flames with her apartment. So it was only a matter of time before she completely broke down. The detective had tried to throw herself into her work, but once Shaw kicked her out she had no choice but to stop. Beckett tried to talk Castle out of staying here, saying she didn't want to impose and she could just as easily get a hotel. But something about what he said in the Captain's office made her stop arguing halfway to his place.
He said she had a home. It made Beckett pause and think about the place that the killer took from her. Besides her but of personal affects, it was just really four walls, some windows, and a roof. Always empty with no laughter or dinner conversations. There were times she didn't see it for days for the simple fact that there was nothing there waiting for her. But where Castle was taking her was different. Waiting for not just for him, but for her, were two people that did care about her. Beckett thought about the tackle hug she had received from Alexis before she was even halfway through the door. It embrace should have been awkward, but she found herself squeezing back with just the same amount of force without hesitation. Beckett had always wanted to find someone who would be afraid to lose her, more relationship wise then actual death, and here she found that an entire family who had that fear.
Sighing, Beckett sat up in the middle of the bed letting the blanket pool at her feet. Family was something she was finding everywhere these days. She found one with the guys at the station and now one with the Castle's. How the last one came about, she wasn't sure. Beckett just knew that it wasn't something she wanted to lose. Castle had become one of her closest friends in such a small amount of time. He was always there even when she pushed him away. His worried voice flooded her mind driving her from the bed to pace. He was terrified. Beckett remembered the way his voice cracked as he called through the smoke. God she was just as terrified. Admitting it to herself was hard enough. It was so hard to tell people how she felt.
Beckett hoped she put on a good show on making people believe that nothing could get to her. She had done it for so long, she was starting to believe it herself. Yet here she was so afraid of the dark that she had to have the light on. Beckett hadn't slept with the lights on since she was five. The last two days just reminded that sometimes she did need someone to help brave the dark with her. She stopped in front of the bedroom door knowing that Castle was just down the hall. Agent Shaw's words about the writer's loyalty rang in her ear. If she went to him needing his help to brace the night he wouldn't hold it against her or tease her about it.
Beckett wrenched open the door and to her surprise found the man in question sitting in the hall just across from her with his e-reader like he already knew he was needed. She bit back a smile when he looked up, "Castle?"
Sheepishly, he set down the e-reader, "Hey." He whispered not wanting to wake up Alexis who slept down the hall. "I Just-I wanted." Castle took a deep breath to clear his head not sure how to tell her that he knew she would need him. No matter how strong Beckett actually was, even she had her breaking point.
"I can't sleep."
The way her voice quivered had Castle pushing to his feet, "Makes two of us."
Beckett leaned against the door frame, "I just keep thinking about his face. How smug he looked as train just drifted away. That he's out there waiting for me." His hands came down onto her shoulders and she found herself leaning forward until her forehead rested on his chest. "I can't stop thinking what if you didn't figure it out. If you-."
"Shh." He whispered in her ear, "Don't."
"I can't stop." She confessed.
Castle held cradled her against his chest running a soothing hand over her hair and that's when he heard the tears. His arms tightened wishing he had the words to make this better. "Talk to me."
"Everything is gone." Beckett couldn't stop the shakes as sobs rolled through her. "In one instance he took everything from me. "
He closed his eyes in guilt, but didn't voice it. That wasn't something she needed tonight. Beckett was reaching out for him because for the first time since he's known her, she was stripped bare and vulnerable. "Not everything." Castle whispered his breath tickling her ear as he lifted the ring that hung around her neck. "You're still here and you won't let him break you. He might have shaken you, but you refuse to let it put you down for long. You're still going to move that wall you're up against and do whatever it takes to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else. Because no matter how hard he tries he will never take that what makes you extraordinary."
Beckett soaked up the comfort of his words and embrace and found the flow of his voice had done the trick of soothing all nagging thoughts from her mind. Only Castle could read her like a book at times. "I'm still afraid I will lose."
"You won't."
"How do you know?"
"Because you're you." Castle smiled, "I've never met a more determined woman in my life. You won't fail because you won't let yourself."
She let out a soft laugh, "that doesn't make sense. But-." Reluctantly, she drew away missing the warmth of his embrace instantly. "Thank you."
"Always."
There was something about the way he said that simple word that had chills running down her spine and her heart jumping in her throat. When around him she was just over run with so many emotions making it very hard to figure out what she wanted when it came to Richard Castle. She valued his partnership, cherished their friendship, and loved the fact he made her job a little bit more fun.
Castle glanced at the bed, "think you'll be able to sleep now?"
"I think so." She turned, hesitated, and looked back to see Castle was already shutting the door and crossing the room with her. Smiling with gratitude, Beckett climbed into the bed for the second time that night.
Castle waited until she was under the covers and then sat on the opposite side with his back against the headboard. "Want the light on?"
"No." With him nearby she knew she would be able to brave the darkness. Beckett felt the bed shift as he reached to turn off the light and like a true gentlemen he stay on top of the sheets in his sitting positions. Engulfed in the dark, the detective tried to clear her mind and still found it over run with too many thoughts. "Castle." God she hated feeling so weak. Hated the fact that she was asking for help to keep her from shattering into pieces. And beyond grateful that Castle, once again, knew what she was asking without forcing her to speaking it aloud.
Castle scooted down on the bed, resting his head near hers and wrapping an arm carefully around her waist. His heart was pounding so loudly he feared Beckett would hear it. So many times he had laid awake at night dreaming about doing just this. "Good night Beckett."
She snuggled closer so her back was flushed against his chest and once again felt safe within his embrace. "Night Castle."
He waited a few heart beats before he asked, "You're not holding a gun over there are you?"
She laughed, something that helped loosened the knots in her stomach. "You're safe, Castle. Just this once."
"Good."
And in the next moment she dropped off into a dreamless sleep.
