Re-post of an old, and hopefully now improved, fiction from several years back. AU SxN fiction, 3-shot.
'Sasuke, I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.'
Those words continued to echo through Sasuke's mind days after they'd been spoken as he poured whisky from a half full bottle into a tumbler, before returning to his sitting room with both glass and bottle in hand. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have just let the blond walk away like that? His eyes traveled over to the one picture which stood in his living room, his muted TV casting the glass in constantly changing light, blocking out the image which the clear sheet protected.
He sipped from the glass in his hand and let the taste of the amber liquid roll over his tongue. He loved the blond more then he could ever have admitted; but perhaps that was the problem. Maybe if he had just said those three simple words, the other wouldn't have left. But such a thing was easier said than done when it came to the young Uchiha. His whole life he had tried to harden himself to the world around him, ever since his parents had been killed. Now that he really needed to, he couldn't take down the shield which he had created to keep the world at bay. He pored himself another glass, swirling the liquid absently.
Things had always been so easy between them; so natural. They were polar opposites, Sasuke the hard, seemingly emotionless brunet, and Naruto the overly emotional blond who clearly wore his heart on his sleeve. Sasuke was never one to show his feelings so openly; he believed it to be a sign of weakness. He had hoped, or perhaps prayed, that the blond would understand his feelings; however some things needed to be spoken to be understood.
The blond had balanced him out, anchored him firmly to the present and the outside world which he had a habit of shutting out, and without that anchor he felt lost. He needed the blond with him. He couldn't handle being alone again no matter how vehemently he attempted to convince himself otherwise. Damn his fucking pride! He has held to it so tightly since The Night, ever since he had lifted himself from the ashes of his family and begun to make a name for himself in the world. But what good was that pride doing him now? He scoffed and downed another mouthful of the burning spirit.
'I can't be with you if you can't even admit to me how you feel.'
He had tried to tell himself that he could move on, that he didn't need the other in his life, but he was clearly lying to himself (a fact that only made him despise the situation all the more). His eyes drifted around the room, landing on a small pile of letters on an end table beside the couch. Standing from his armchair the raven moved across the quickly darkening room. It was a stack of letters Naruto had sent him during the blonds' gap-year travels after graduating from high school. The other had uncovered them when rummaging through Sasuke's attic (henever had gotten an answer as to why he had been doing so) a couple of weeks previously and had enjoyed laughing over the insult laden missives. The raven's eyes rolled over a handful of photos strune across the small table alongside the notes. Images of old school friends (a number whom he still remained in contact with nearly six years later) in various cities and in front of numerous landmarks, but out of all the face staring back at him the mop of bright gold over azure stood out prominently.
He closed his eyes against a dull ache that seemed to be building in his chest. He turned away from the pages and returned to his former position. Sasuke's eyes followed the alcohol in his glass as he turned it slowly, his gaze flickered to the television, then out the window to the painted sky before returning to his darkening apartment and the dancing shadows caused by the T.V.'s multi-colored lights. He set his glass on the table beside him and leaned forward with a sigh, elbows on his knees as he ran his hands over the pale skin of his face. Standing abruptly the raven moved to grab his keys. To hell with his pride, he needed the blond in his life, and he was damn well going to make sure the other man knew that.
The raven pulled to a stop in front of the blonds' house. He hesitated for a moment as he killed the engine and stepped out of his car with keys in hand, watching the still lit rooms behind the curtains. There was little surprise Naruto was still awake, it was hardly past nine o'clock. He closed the cars door, the dull thump sounding unnaturally loud to his ears in the silence which filled the sparkly lit street. In a handful of long, quick strides Sasuke was perched awkwardly on the Uzumakis' porch. He raised his fist and tapped firmly, three times, on the door.
"Naruto?" he called tentatively. For a split moment the curtains parted, just enough for the figure inside to peek through, before falling back into place. The door remained firmly closed. Sasukes' chest tightened nervously. "Naruto, please," he called again, "I need to talk to you. Please open the door." Several moments passed in silence before Sasuke let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in a soft sigh. He shifted uncomfortably, pushing his hands into his pockets as he glanced to the cloth covered window. Years of habit told him to simply leave, to protect his already scuffed dignity and pride buy walking away, but he shook those thoughts away. With another glance at the window he could only hope that the blond could hear him and was willing to at least listen even if he refused to do so face to face. "Naruto… I'm sorry," he began haltingly, the words awkward on his tongue. "I'm an idiot for what I said- what I didn't say. But please understand, after everything that has happened in my life I just…" his voice had fallen to a near whisper by this point. He took a slow breath and let it out before continuing with a steady plea, a subtle mix of emotion coloring the gentle tone, "Please open the door." Uncounted minutes ticked by with no response and, with that painful ache returning to his chest in a dull throb, Sasuke turned from the door. As he reached the second stair the latch clicked behind him and the door was pulled open partway, spilling a streak of light across the wood and over the pavement beyond and leaving Sasuke in partial shadow as he turned to face a backlit and solemn eyed blond.
Hope you enjoyed the first of three installments, leave a review maybe? The remaining two chapters will be posted after being thoroughly torn apart by the red pen of doom and painstakingly pasted back together (most likely late at night with copious amounts of caffeine from some source or another)
