Disclaimer: I don't own Saitou, Ok? ...but, I still think he's cool.

When I Close My Eyes (Rei's POV)

When I close my eyes, I tell myself that everything's alright. That the man beside me is the man I love. That I didn't kill him. That he's alive, holding me in his arms.

It's a lie, of course. He's been dead for so long that I should've at least forgiven myself. But, I can't and I don't think I ever will.

And this is a lie I refuse to admit until I open my eyes to see the truth. To see Hajime.

Hajime knows the truth. But, he dares not speak it aloud least the fragile thing we call a relationship falls to pieces.

I don't love him. I never did. He is merely a substitute for what I'd lost through my own folly. Sometimes when I lie awake at night and see his face by light of the moon, I wonder how he can stand to be with me, knowing that I don't feel the same way he does.

For he loves me. I see it in his eyes. And the eyes - those windows to our souls - can never lie. That is why I never look him in the eye during the day. Only at night with its velvety darkness can I look at him that way for the night beguiles as well as conceals. Under its gentle moonlight and distant sparkling stars, things come to life that are nothing but hidden shadows in the face of the scorching sun.

Yet even at night I avoid his eyes - the dark, unfathomable orbs - for they mirror the ugly lie that I've created and even now live.

If he'd say it - the words that anyone who's ever loved longs to hear from their beloved - perhaps it would be easier. Because then maybe...just maybe...I could tell myself that his love for me, like mine for him, is nothing but a lie and our relationship merely a farce.

But he is silent, this man who loves me and entrusts me with his heart. He knows the truth and so knows better than to speak the fatal words that would tear me from his side.

So, our charade continues. A drama beheld by our eyes alone. But, when I close my eyes, I'm in my beloved's arms and everything's alright.