Author's Notes: Yay, another story! Just a one-shot. This idea came from last night when my sister and I were watching "The Two Towers".
"The Uruk-hai March to Helms Deep":
Scene 1: Saruman is giving his speech to the Uruk-hai, telling them to march to Helms Deep. Uruks talking are in the back.
Uruk 1: (turns to Uruk beside him) Hey, Benny, can you hear what he's saying?
Uruk 2: No, no idea.
Uruk 1: Can't we get any closer?
Uruk 2: Nah, then we'd be breaking ranks, and somebody'll probably shoot us.
Uruk 1: Good point.
(Long Pause)
Uruk 1: Did he just say something about moldy cheese?
Uruk 2: (smacking Uruk 1 on the shoulder) Why the hell would he be talking about moldy cheese?
Uruk 1: I don't know! That's just what I heard!
Uruk 3: Will you two shut up! Some people are trying to listen here!
Scene 2: The Uruk-hai are marching. The Uruks talking are in the front.
Uruk 1: Bob, do you have any idea where we're going?
Uruk 2: No, I thought you knew.
Uruk 1: Well, we're fucked now.
Uruk 2: You're the one with the map!
Uruk 1: I know! It's not helping!
Uruk 2: Can you even read that, Fred?
Uruk 1: Uh… Yeah, I can!
Uruk 2: Then where the hell are we going?
Uruk 1: Shh! Not so loud! Do you want everyone else to know we're lost?
Uruk 2: Ha! So you admit that we're lost!
Uruk 1: Like you didn't know that already!
Uruk 2: So what if I did?
Uruk 1: The why didn't you say anything?
Uruk 2: …
Uruk 1: Ok. If we're going to find the right way, we're gonna have to do to together.
Uruk 2: You're right. Let's just keep walking, and see if we can see anything familiar.
(15 minutes later…)
Uruk 1: Ok. We're totally and completely lost now.
Uruk 2: I told you to follow the map!
Uruk 1: Then why didn't you look at it?
Uruk 2: Saruman said it was your job.
Uruk 1: You know what, we're just going to keep walking, and hopefully we'll get there before nightfall.
Uruk 2: Why don't you just stop and ask for directions?
Uruk 1: Directions! I don't need directions!
Uruk 2: Yes, you do! We're lost! Hey, look! (Points to Aragorn who has just come into view) Why don't you stop and ask the half-dead guy on the horse over there.
Uruk 1: No, we don't need directions.
Uruk 2: Fine. If you won't, I will. (Shouts and waves at Aragorn) Excuse me! Hey, guy on the horse! Can you give us directions to Helms Depp?
(Aragorn rides away)
Uruk 1: Oh, good, now look what you've done! You've scared him away!
Uruk 2: I don't think it was me. I think it was just the army of Uruk-hai marching behind us. Kinda scary, right?
Uruk 1: Whatever. Let's just keep going.
Scene 3: Uruk-hai finally make it to Helms Deep. They are marching towards the wall. Uruks talking are the same from scene 2.
(Uruk 1 climbs up on rock)
Uruk 2: Hey! Why do you get to stand on the rock?
Uruk 1: Cuz I have the map!
Uruk 2: What's so important about the map? You didn't use it earlier, you moron!
Uruk 1: Yeah, but I have my speech written on the back of it. (Short pause) Hey, where's the map?
Uruk 2: I thought you had it!
Uruk 1: Ah, shit! I think I left it back at that large rock.
Uruk 2: Good going, smart one.
Uruk 1: What am I going to do now?
Uruk 2: I don't know. Just tell them to kill everything that they touch.
Uruk 1: Oh, that's good! Thanks, Bob.
Uruk 2: No problem.
Author's Notes: Uh, yeah… Don't ask me how my mind works. Hope you liked it.
