I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS
THEY BELONG TO TITE KUBO
Chapter 1:- The Party.
"Yoruichi! I´m glad you could make it!" Kukaku expressed while she sat on her mat smoking her pipe. The leader of the Shiba Clan was in her usual attire with the addition of a white sash draped across her shoulders.
"If you don´t mind me asking, but why the sudden urge to invite me for tea Kukaku? And what´s with the sash?' Yoruichi took a seat directly opposite Kukaku on the mat and took up the pipe lying directly in front of her. Yoruichi brought the pipe to her lips and took a long drag and subsequently let out a massive puff of smoke. She knew something was up. Kukaku was never the type to make social calls.
"You were never one to enjoy foreplay were you Yoruichi?" asked Kukaku after taking a pull from her pipe.
"No…I was always one to get straight to business. Kisuke can attest to that." Yoruichi added with a mischievous grin plastered on her lips. Kukaku merely laughed before taking one final puff from her pipe. She than set aside the pipe on the ash tray Ganju had made for her and turned to face Yoruichi.
"I went to visit Rukia in the Seiretei a couple of days ago." Kukaku said rather somberly.
"Well that does not sound too bad. Surely you didn´t call me all the way to the Soul Society to talk about your latest visit to the Seiretei." commented Yoruichi before she took another puff from the pipe. The sweet tobacco smoke burned the back of her throat but Yoruichi craved the numbing affect it had on her sense. Kukaku gave Yoruichi a look of utter annoyance, which was usually a look she reserved for Ganju. "I´m worried about him."
"And who is the him we're speaking about? ¨ Yoruichi's voice was laced with confusion but there was an underlying tone of annoyance at the vague road the conversation was veered down. Sensing Yoruichi's displeasure Kukaku made a move to explain her statement.
¨Byakuya of course!" She said the name as if it were the most obvious thing in the world which grated at Yoruichi's nerves. But she was too baffled to bother and voice her annoyance.
"I'm sorry but you are gonna have to elaborate a little more. Why are you worried about Byakuya of all people? He was never any concern of yours."
Kukaku sighed and leaned back against the wall. She then proceeded to explain the situation behind her apparent concern. "When I went to visit Rukia I noticed that Byakuya was a little more up tight than usual. He seemed to be flustered or maybe frustrated. Rukia told me he was acting a little off kilter.¨
Yoruichi had to admit that this was strange behavior for Byakuya. It was not unusual for him to be up tight but for Rukia to say that something was up meant that something was indeed wrong. Yoruichi also knew that Kukaku wouldn´t be sitting here discussing this if it wasn´t important.
"Off kilter? What do mean acting off kilter?" Yoruichi questioned hoping to get the situation straight.
"I know it´s not my place to say anything but I think our friend is suffering from pent up sexual tension." The blunt admission of the statement cut Yoruichi off guard. This was not where she had expected her conversation to go. If it were possible, Yoruichi would have faced palmed, sweat dropped and fallen over all at once.
"That´s why you called me here!" Yoruichi exclaimed in anger, "To tell me that Byakuya needs to go get himself laid?"
"Yea that´s basically why I called you here." Kukaku confirmed with a slight shrug of her shoulders. Again if Yoruichi could she would have faced palmed, sweat dropped and fallen over all at once.
"And what exactly am I supposed to do about that? I hope you don´t expect me to go sleep with him or something like that? And please don´t tell your thinking about hiring a female escort for him!" Yoruichi argued
"Well…." was all Kukaku got to say before Yoruichi cut her off by adding, "There better be an, 'Of course not', after that well." Kukaku immediately raised both hand in defensive position. Although she knew Yoruichi wouldn't lift a finger against her, Kukaku did not want to push it. "I will not deny that those thoughts did occur in my head but I had a better, more fun solution in mind."
"I´m listening." Yoruichi said. Once she had confirmed that she would be in no way directly involved in helping Byakuya relieve his sexual tension, she was curious to know what her eccentric friend had in mind.
"Okay, but before that let me tell you why I have on this ugly white sash. Then my plan will make all the more sense." Yoruichi merely shrugged her shoulders and made herself comfortable to listen to Kukaku´s brilliant plan.
"Well first of all Ganju gave me this ugly thing," Kukaku indicated while holding up one end of the sash, "he said it was an early birthday present."
"That´s right! Your birthday is coming up soon isn't?" Yoruichi exclaimed interrupting the Shiba Head, "The big five double zero!"
Kukaku let out a loud moan and returned to smoking her pipe. After a few puffs from her pipe she grumbled out, "Don´t remind me how old I´m getting please." Yoruichi let a mischievous smile play across her lips, "All right I won't mention it again. Now can we continue? You were explaining your master plan to me."
"Right," Kukaku took one more pull from her pipe before she continued. "Well seeing that it´s my five hundredth birthday, I was thinking of throwing a big party. We could invite all the Captain and Vice Captains. Maybe some of those Espadas. I hear they really can make a party. If we get Byakuya drunk enough it's highly likely that he'll be more inclined to let loose a little bit. And it might even help him get laid."
"That´s all good and great but how are you so sure that he´ll all attend." Yoruichi countered immediately beginning to see the faults in Kukaku's plan.
"Don´t worry Byakuya will all attend, Head Captain Yamamoto owes me a favor." Yoruichi didn´t even want to know what Kukaku could have done to have the Head Captain of the Gotei be in her debt. She shuddered to think of the possibilities.
"Okay supposed you get him to come to the party how do supposed to get Byakuya, and I mean Byakuya Kuchiki drunk?" Kukaku began to smile devilishly; "Let´s just say a lot of people owe me a lot of favors that I´ll be calling upon for the party. There are forces out there that eve the high and mighty Byakuya Kuchiki can't deny."
"Okay, let me get this straight, you get Byakuya to the party, we get him drunk and then what? We send him to bed with the first woman to throw herself at him because if that´s the case we´ll have a riot for who gets to carry home the Seiretei´s most eligible bachelor." Yoruichi explained.
Kukaku shook head as if Yoruichi still was not getting the full concept of her plan. "We're not sending Byakuya home with an old hussy Yoruichi, come on be real? I have the perfect woman in mind."
Yoruichi's was curiosity was now peaked. Who did Kukaku have in mind, and for Byakuya of all people?
"Okay so who's this perfect woman of yours? And more importantly do I know her?" A wide grin spread across Kukaku's face and her eyes held a mischievous glint. "Oh you know her. You know her all too well. She's an old friend of ours and you'll just have to wait for the party like everyone else to see her."
Yoruichi sighed out loud and resumed smoking her pipe. ¨You know, you really are an enigma.¨
Kukaku smiled at her friend's off handed comment. "So do I take that as yes that you´ll help?"
"Who else is going to help you with this hair brained scheme of yours?" she idly added.
"I knew I could count on you." Kukaku beamed.
"Yea whatever, but I´m not taking the heat if anyone gets pregnant." Yoruichi quickly added, "So tell me about the party."
"I thought you would never ask."
Renji was currently running through the corridors of the Sixth Division to his Captain´s office. He was late for his scheduled meeting with Captain Kukchiki. Renji knew Byakuya didn´t tolerate impudence or tardiness. He really didn´t want to anger his captain today. Over the past few weeks Byakuya had been astonishingly short tempered. Renji had a feeling today was going to be not different and he did not need a reason for Byakuya to find it necessary to serve out any disciplinary actions.
Renji stopped in front of the door to Byakuya´s office. He took a minute to compose himself and get his bearings straight. He adjusted his uniform properly and after taking a couple of deep breathes Renji slid open the door and entered Byakuya's office. He was surprised to find that his Captain hadn´t even noticed his entrance. In fact Byakuya didn't even acknowledge Renji´s presence in the office.
Byakuya had received a letter from the Head Captain earlier that morning that had quite disturbed and angered him. The letter read.
Dear Captain Kukchiki,
You are required to attend Kukaku Shiba´s five hundredth Birthday Gala as the official representative for the Thirteen Court Guard Squads.
This decision is final and not up for discussion. You are expected to be at the Shiba Residence promptly.
Respectfully Yours,
Head Captain Yamamoto.
Byakuya was flabbergasted when he first read the letter. Surely the Head Captain wasn't serious? Couldn't he have chosen someone who was more willing to attend like Shunsui?
"Captain?" Renji asked, musing Byakuya from his reading, "Is everything alright?"
Byakuya's head snapped up and his gaze zoned in on his Lieutenant standing in front of him with an anxious look on his face. He quietly folded the letter and put it aside for later before he returned his focus back to his Lieutenant standing in front of him. "Did you get those reports from the Twelfth Division yet Renji?"
¨Ah...yes Captain.¨ replied Renji stepping forward and handing the files over to his Captain. Byakuya accepted them wordlessly.
Renji thought that it was odd that his Captain didn´t sense his spiritual pressure as soon as he was in front the door. In fact both he and Rukia had noticed that recently Byakuya wasn´t acting like himself. "Um… Captain is everything okay?" Renji asked.
"Why wouldn´t everything be okay Renji?" countered Byakuya in a stoic tone. He didn't even bother to look at Renji, instead focused on the reports spread out before him. Byakuya was in no mood to be interrogated by his subordinates especially since he was already fuming about the entire Shiba Party ordeal.
"Well Captain… I was wondering are you going to Kukaku-sans party tonight." Renji enquired. He didn't notice Byakuya's left eye twitch in ire.
"Unfortunately yes I am." Byakuya replied, managing to keep his voice as level as possible.
"Really Captain? I never thought ….."
"Renji, we are not here to talk about the party tonight." Byakuya cut off quickly before a deeper conversation could set root, "We are here to talk about Division matters."
"Yes Captain, my apologies." Renji responded immediately sensing his Captain's growing displeasure. For the rest of the morning Byakuya and Renji discussed matters pertaining to their Division. Renji could tell that his Captain was in a bad mood. Byakuya was not usually this irritable early in the morning. After the meeting Renji took his leave from Byakuya´s office. He guessed that Byakuya was probably mad that Kukaku's party was a costume party. He didn't really see his Captain as the type to dress up.
"I guess Captain Kuchiki just doesn't like to dress up."
When the night of the party had finally arrived and Kukaku and Yourichi were brimming with anticipation. Kukaku had pulled out the stops to make this party happen. The entire court yard of the Shiba Estate was lined with tables and chairs. A large space was cleared in the center to be used as a dance floor and two bars were fully stocked with sake and drinks from the world of the living. Decorations hung from poles that had been erected around the court yard and in the middle of the dance floor had a silver metal pole that suspiciously looked like a stripper pole.
The night sky sparkled with stars and the full moon added to the already illuminated court yard. Gold and red blinkers were hung from each post that spanned the circumference of the court yard and all were joined at the pole in the epicenter of the party.
Kukaku had called in some favors form her friends in the lower districts and had managed to get a caterer and waiters for the evening. Going along with the theme, all the waiters were dressed in costumes. They all looked like zombies. It was actually pretty funny because Kukaku made them walk around like zombies just for kicks and had them moan and groan as if in pain to make it seem realistic.
Since it was a costume party both Kukaku and Yoruichi had dressed up. Yourichi was dressed in a tight leather body suit. The back was open revealing her tanned skin and the outfit hugged every curve. She had a thin tail emerging from the outfit as well as a head band that had a pair of cat ears sticking out of them. Around one of Yoruichi's eyes was painted black and whiskers were painted on her face.
Kukaku was dressed like a pirate, but her outfit just consisted of a pirated hat with a feather sticking out if it and a tattered coat over her usual attire. Kukaku wasn't really one to dress up per say even if it was a costume party she was throwing. She did decide to place a fake parrot on her shoulder just for laughs.
The invitations that were sent out specifically said that everyone coming had to wear a costume. However, Kukaku and Yoruichi had conveniently forgotten to mention that this was a costume party in Byakuya's invitation. They had something special in store for him.
By six o'clock guests had begun to arrive. Kukaku had invited all the Captain, Vice Captains and anyone else who she felt could make this party a good time.
The first group to arrive was Shunsui, Ukitake, Shinji and Stark. Stark and Shunsui had formed an unusual friendship after the war. They were two peas in a pod, lazy to point it wasn't funny anymore. The group had got the memo and came fully dressed in their costumes. They decided that it would be fun to come as Greek Gods, togas and all. Kukaku and Yoruichi had to admit they all looked handsome, especially Stark and Shunsui. The pair both had matching knee length toga with gold waist bands, the only difference between the two was Shunsui's toga was burgundy and Stark's was a rich Royal blue.
As the night progressed more people began to show up. By seven o'clock almost all the guest had arrived. All the male Lieutenants and some of the other male Espadas had occupied a table for themselves near the bar, while the females had a table a little further away from them. The only Lieutenant that hadn't arrived yet was Isane. She and Captain Unohana had to work late.
"Oh…I can't wait to see Isane!" exclaimed Matsumoto.
"What are you so excited about?" questioned Nanao who was dressed like a librarian, (ironic isn't it?)
Matsumoto just giggled and waved a finger saying, "You'll just have to wait and see."
The others were curious as to why Matsumoto impatient for Isane arrival and they didn't have to wait long.
"Damn!" someone shouted from across the court yard.
All the ladies at the table turned to see what caused the guy to shout out and their jaws drooped to see Isane standing there. Matsumoto smiled, "See this is why I couldn't wait for her to come." Isane was standing next to Captain Unohana who was dressed in scrubs from the human world. However, it was Isane's costume that really had everyone gapping. She was dressed like a nurse but not just any nurse.
She was dressed like a slutty nurse.
Her white nurse's dress stopped mid- thigh and it was a size or two too small. The first three buttons were left open because the outfit was too thigh to button up. She also had on knee high white leather boots and fish net stockings. There was a terrible blush on her face. Isane had almost decided not to come to party when she saw the outfit but Captain Unohana had insisted that she come.
"Isane you look hot!" exclaimed Kiyone.
"I agree." added Rukia, she had managed to slip away before Byakuya, who had still not arrived yet.
"It seems that I made a good choice in choosing your outfit." Matsumoto mused as she inspected Isane from head to toe.
"Why was I just sure it was you who put Isane in something like this Matsumoto?" Nanoa sarcastically commented.
"Remind me never to ask Matsumoto to organize my outfits for me ever again." pleaded Isane. The others laughed at their friend's expense but they agreed to always remind her. They were about to lead Isane back to their table when Yoruichi and Kukaku appeared in front of them. The two had been observing Isane and the others from afar.
"Let's have some fun with this shall we?" Kukaku told Yoruichi.
"Yes, lets. This is going to be very entertaining." Yoruichi replied before they flash stepped to the group.
"Ladies don't you look smexy tonight." complimented Yoruichi.
"Thanks." replied Rukia, "Is there anything we can do for you Yoruichi?"
Yoruichi turned and gave Kukaku a mischievous smile before turning back to address Rukia. "Actually we're just here to tell you that Isane can't sit with you."
"What?" Isane exclaimed, "Why?!"
Kukaku smiled evilly, "Well you see it's a fire hazard to have so many people sitting at one table, and your table is already over crowed. So we need to put Isane to sit somewhere else."
"But we're in an open court yard, how can that be a fire hazard and since when do we consider fire hazards in the Soul Society?" questioned Nanoa.
"Since now." replied Yoruichi as she grabbed Isane's upper arm and began dragging her away from the others.
"Don't worry she won't be far." Kukaku was grinning like a madman. She then turned and followed Yoruichi.
Yoruichi dragged Isane to the last place she wanted to be, the Men's Table.
A/N
I hope you all enjoy this story.
Please read and review and if you have any suggestions just PM me or leave it in your review.
