Title: Touch
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17 (for later chapters)
Summary: Castiel is back, but has no recollection of who (or what) he is. These are his thoughts and experiences as he struggles to piece his life back together and regain a sense of self.
Prologue.
Wash up on shore- blur of colors. Green, white, blue, bright, pain. Sand in mouth. Gritty, overwhelming, everywhere. Spit it out, too much. Can't get rid of it. Groan, prop up on elbows. Squint against blinding light, watch greens and whites and blues take shape into trees and sand, grass and sky.
I know this place...I don't know where I am.
Water, wet. Breeze, cold.
I know this place⦠I don't know who I am.
Stinging in back of head- feeling, reaction. Reach hand up, bring down covered in red. Awareness. Ow.
I am not who I was. This is not who I am.
Sink back into sand, warm, soft. Screeching from left, turn. Bird, tiny, hopping. White. Dove. Sees man, tilts head, takes off. Disappears into brightness.
Sun. Sky, blue, perfect. Forever.
I know this place.
Move leg, no response. Weak. Try again. Lift, move, fight against shifting sand. Kneeling, panting, upright. Tree sways, grass bends, soft winds push against twisted body.
Restless shift, startled intake of breath.
I am alone.
Stand up, knees give out. Fall.
Get back up. Coughing, wheezing, scared. Trembling.
Run.
Tripping, scrambling, whimpering.
I am alone.
Stop.
I am not who I was.
I am alone.
This is not who I am.
It is quiet.
Scream.
Take off, run, run, run. Feet hit path, follow. Follow, follow, continue. Years, days, minutes. Path cuts through park. Park holds people. Heads turn, eyes follow.
Keep running.
New lake next to path. Railed path. Water.
Familiarity. Home.
Death. End.
I don't know this place.
Stop.
Scream.
Sprint.
Sirens, horns, shining cars release swarming men. Uniforms. Lights flare, people gape. Men chase, yell, brandish weapons.
Keep running.
Tackled to ground. Arm forced behind back. Face slammed into path. Path pushes back. Blood mixes with sand, mouth opens. Spits. Gasps. Screams.
Metal clicks around flailing wrists.
Scream.
Body pinned to ground.
Scream.
Men lift body up.
Scream.
Men toss body into backseat of car.
Scream.
Men speak, prod, shout, hiss.
Scream.
I am not who I was.
Brought into too-white building. Flailing. Kicking. Screaming.
I am not who I was.
Injection, weariness, calm. Can't scream.
Murmuring.
This is not who I am.
Dark. Quiet. Sinking.
Sleep.
