To Say Goodbye

A/N: Oh haaaaaaayyyyy! This is my first fic, and it's going to be a songfic. I was randomly deleting songs from my playlist and I found this song. It's called "To Say Goodbye" by an American Country duo Joey + Rory. I don't listen to much country music but once in a while I find singers / bands that have the ability to draw out raw emotions like only country music can.

Disclaimed.


Cause she wants to put her arms around his neck,
And look in his eyes so blue,
And say Honey I don't regret,
A single day I spent with you,
She wants to tell him that she loves him so,
And will until the day she dies,
It ain't that she can't let him go,
She just wants to say goodbye

Tony smiled at himself in the mirror, as his hands worked his way up to his hair and brushed it. There was something about today that ensured him that today was going to be a good day. Maybe it's the sun shining brightly through the clear blue clouds. Maybe it's the smell of the air; that he had missed the past five days due to the heavy downpours that hit DC. Or maybe it's because he was just excited about today. He spent one last second in front of the mirror, checking himself out. Hey, DiNozzos got to look good.

He walked over to the coat stand, and contemplated on which coat he was going to put on. He decided on the black one, with white buttons. He smiled as a memory flashed in his mind. He remembered the day he had let her borrow his coat, because hers had gotten wet after a suspect had wrestled her into the pool. Of course, she refused the gesture, saying she was not cold. But Tony had already made it his personal mission that he would have Ziva use his jacket by the time they reach the car, thermal underwear or not. DiNozzos never get turned down.

Tony closed the door behind him, not bothering to lock it. Yes, he had taken after Gibbs. Tony had stopped locking his doors after he misplaced his keys one day and had to use a pin to break it. A neighbor who had just moved in a couple weeks back thought he was trying to break in and called on the cops. The scene was settled after 5 minutes after the cops had confirmed he truly was the very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo Jr and he does live in that house. He contemplated following McGee's suggestion to install a 'very high-tech' security device, but he went against it. And of course, never in his right mind would he accept Abby's suggestion of putting up skeletons and coffins to scare potential thieves away. DiNozzo men were known to be simple and accepting. Whatever happens, happens. It is what it is.


Tony spent the drive to his destination singing along to Frank Sinatra's CDs that he had in his car. He had Sinatra's entire collection, and remembered the lyrics to most of the songs. It was fascinating. For a guy who didn't do too well in memorizing bones and muscle functions in college for his Physical Ed major, he sure had the knack in memorizing song lyrics and movie lines. Everyone wondered how Tony was able to do such seemingly un-doable actions. Tony himself wasn't surprised though. Ever since young, he had always had an eye for detail, something young Tony really detested. He didn't want to remember the details of his upbringing; right from his mother's death to when his father had sent him away to boarding school. He was about to get emotional as the song 'My Way' began playing, before he forced himself to snap out of it. There was no way Sinatra was going to dampen the mood today. Just this once, not today.

Tony walked up a small hill that revealed a hut, similar to those found in beach resorts, to where his friends were. "Hi guys! Where's Abs and McGee?" he asked as he settled on the seat next to Ziva. Gibbs and Ziva were silent. Tony looked to Ducky for instant answers. He was Ducky, after all.

"Ducky, is McLate going to be here? He told me he was going to come! And Abby said she was going to be here too!" Tony remarked with hints of disappointment.

Ducky hesitated, as if thinking of a better way to formulate a response, before replying, "My dear Anthony, I don't think they would be here anytime soon. They ran into some…problems I'm sure you will be meeting with Timothy and Abigail again, later on. In the meantime, please, let's have lunch. Jethro and Ziva have been waiting for you."

Ziva knew Tony wasn't going to buy Ducky's explanation and felt that it was her turn to butt in (yes, she actually got that right). She turned her head towards him and gave her one of her widest smiles. She reached for his hand and started drawing circles the way she knew would calm him down.

As if it was magic, the soothing gesture worked. Tony was immediately focused on her, watching her, taking in her presence. Tony noticed Ziva had the same dress she had on when they were in Paris working undercover. She had let her hair fall loosely on her back, just the way Tony liked it. Tony watched Ziva's eyes as it gleamed with happiness and serenity, a look Tony noticed she had been sporting often. He was about to gush on how beautiful she looked when Gibbs called out, "You two, eye sex or not, can we have lunch now?" Tony rolled his eyes and turned his head towards their boss. "Eye sex?" Tony questioned pretending to be oblivious. This time it was Gibbs turn to roll his eyes. "DiNozzo, don't make me regret I let the two of you break Rule 12." Gibbs barked pretending to be annoyed. The sound of Rule 12 made Tony jolt up in his seat. It had taken Ziva and himself a lot of manipulating and planned maneuvering to convince Gibbs that they were not going to screw each other over.

"Sorry boss, no eye sex again…(when you're around boss.)"

For the next hour or so Ducky, Gibbs, Tony and Ziva had lunch together. Normally they would be caught dead sitting around the same table over lunch. Maybe Tony with Ziva and Ducky with Gibbs, but not Tony, Ziva, AND Ducky AND Gibbs. As dysfunctional as it is, to an ordinary observer, they could easily pass off as family, and Tony loved the thought of that. Tony took leaned back on his seat, arms on his side, to watch his family. His heart was warm, and he was genuinely happy. 'I guess this is what true happiness feels like,' he thought.

"…And then I asked Tony if he was having phone sex and he pressed the speaker button off to reveal that no one was on the line. Gibbs, clearly he was fantasizing about Kate's dead body! Is there a rule against that?" Ziva questioned in between laughter. She had one hand in her stomach; the other was wiping away tears of laughter beginning to form in her eyes. The sight of Ziva being so blissful was too much of a scene to take in that Tony felt like he was about to cry. When he was young, he remembers his Mom teaching him something about happiness is seeing your loved ones happy. He never believed his Mom up till now. Tony felt a sting in his heart as the memory of his Mom was brought up. He never really got over how his Mom had died, and it truly pained him to know that she wasn't here to see how happy her son was now. She would have been so proud. 'If only Mom, if only…' He said to himself as he closed his eyes shut, hoping that his eye ducts would not overflow with the sudden surge of his emotions he was feeling.

"Dah-veed, haven't I told you not to share that with anyone else? It is…classified information, you know." Tony said pretending to be hurt. Ziva narrowed her eyes, "Reaaaallly?" As if on impulse Tony replied, "No."

Ziva smiled remembering this exact scene. Both of them were in the bullpen one Friday night watching The Black Pirate.

"Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?"
"It is just a movie, Tony."
"How dare you?Is Mickey just a mouse? Ringling Brothers just a circus?"
"Yes."
"Well, you see, that's why you don't have any friends."
"I do have friends!"
"Really? Then what are you doing with me, watching a movie on a Friday night at work? Huh?
"You are. My. Friend."
"Really?"
"No. My date canceled."
"Mine, too."

Ziva gave a hearty smile. She couldn't remember exactly how all this (whatever you call it)had amounted to this (whatever this is). Never in her entire life had she pictured herself to be wiping away tears of joy, as she shared stories. Ziver Dah-veed (yes, she made it a point to pronounce it that way), the leader of the Assassination Unit, at the age of 20, was known for her ruthless ways. She was known to be at the top of the 'leaderboard' (if it's humanely right to call it that way) for having the most successful targeted assassinations; for her rock-solid exterior, with an infamous death stare. She was born, no—more like bred, to be the ruthless killer, the ultimate weapon, or as her father had always called her 'The Sharp End of the Spear.' But things soon changed when she met Jenny. In that split second between allowing her Mossad operatives to rape a captive foreign operative and killing all three of them, she found herself a new life. Yes, she was assigned by her father to 'protect' Jenny, to gain her trust so that Mossad could expand its foreign contacts to the United States. But like the way she was assigned to 'remove' Ari, or 'protect Jenny', she performed the cold-blooded killings not because it was an order, but because there was something within the depths of her icy-cold heart that called out to her to do something right. And what was that saying about doing the right things and watching it snowball into even bigger, and better things? She truly felt that she earned the new life that she had…and for once she truly felt like she deserved to be happy. Yes, even if she's just watching.

Her flashbacks were cut off by a sudden gust of cold wind. "Five minutes." She heard someone say in a low stern voice. The voice sent of a sense of helplessness within her.

She did not bother to turn around, to search the source of the voice. She already knows.


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