Story In The Shelves

"Is this what you want?" Finn asked Rachel. She had tears in his eyes.

"Not at all!" Rachel cried. "But it's clearly what you want!"

"Rachel, look at me!" Finn put his hands on her shoulders and shook her slightly. Rachel's tear filled brown eyes looked up.

"L-look, Finn. This is your life and if t-that's what you want to do, if it's what makes you happy, t-then go ahead" Rachel stared into his eyes to see tears slightly forming in them.

"Rachel, I want to do this... But I don't want to lose you either."

"I'm sorry Finn. I don't mean to sound selfish, but it's one or the other."

"But why?" Finn pressed.

"Because Finn" Rachel sobbed. "You mean a lot to me and I can't bear the thought that i-if something happened..." Rachel broke into full hysterics. Finn sighed and handed her a tissue. After Rachel wiped away the tear, she took a deep breath. She looked at Finn. He stared back, unsure of what to say. Then Rachel leaned in and kissed him. Full on the lips. Finn put his hands on her waist.

When she pulled away, Finn looked at her, a bit surprised.

"I had to do that one more time" she mumbled. She took a step back and smoothed out her skirt. "Goodbye Finn" she sighed. "And good luck."

She turned to walk away. She could feel the tears forming already. Finn grabbed her wrist.

"Wait. Don't you have faith in me?" he asked. She stopped but didn't turn to face him.

"I suppose I do" she said. "I don't have faith in me."

"What?"

"I don't think I could live with my self. By myself and alone while I sit in constant fear of death. Not my own death, but yours. I'd go crazy. It'd be easier on both of us if we don't go into this. I'm too fragile. I wouldn't be about to function. My life would be a mess and what if you never came back? I-I'd live like that forever. I can't do that every day. This alone is killing me inside..." Rachel paused and she could hear Finn quietly sobbing. "No matter how much faith I have in you, that can't change fate's plan. I love you." Rachel said and with that she pulled her wrist out of Finn's grasp and she ran out the room, sobbing.

"Rach, wait!" Finn tried to call but she ignored him and the door slammed loudly.

Rachel hummed to herself as she entered the small book store. Four weeks after their big fight, and Rachel had convinced herself that she had moved on. So continuing on with her daily tasks, she had gone to the Lima Mall and went into the book store. It was her favorite store, next to the store that sold peasant skirts and knee socks. She strode past the children's books and into the fiction section. As much as you would have never guessed, Rachel loved to read. It was her escape and it calmed her in times of stress. Rachel smiled as she saw a new book to read. She loved getting lost in worlds of fantasy. Magic and dragons and mystical worlds. It was her drugs. Rachel picked up a thick book and smiled. It was heavy and never been opened. Perfect. The little book store had chairs around so people could sit and read. But what fun was that? Rachel sat on the floor and leaned against a book shelf. No one would complain. The store was usually empty. She opened the book and she heard the spine crack. She pulled the book to her face and breathed the smell of fresh new book. It was amazing. Rachel made herself comfortable and began to read.

"Rachel?" a voice asked. But she was so engrossed in the book she completely disregarded it. Not even hearing in. She turned a page.

"Rachel?" the person walked over and stood in front of her. "Hello?"

Finally Rachel got back to reality and saw the boots in front of her. She looked up and saw the slightly confused face of Blaine Anderson.

"Oh, hello" Rachel gave a weak smile, a bit annoyed that he interrupted her book. At a good part too!

"What book is that?" Blaine asked. He tilted his head. Rachel held up the book so he could see the cover.

"Oh, I want to read that one!" he smiled and shifted his bags.

"So far it's good!" Rachel said awkwardly. She never really talked to Blaine out of school and defiantly not alone. She didn't know what to say. And if he wasn't in New Directions and dating her bestie, Kurt, she would probably make and excuse and leave right away.

"So... How's it going?" Blaine asked.

"Um, pretty good. I'm just running errands."

"Yea. Same" Blaine said. "It's pretty quiet here."

"It always is."

"True. So how are you?"

"You already asked me that." Rachel looked in his eyes. They looked worried.

"I know. I meant about you and Finn" Blaine said quietly. "Kurt told me all about it and I know it's been like three weeks but you seem quieter..."

Rachel looked down. She wasn't expecting this at all. And before she knew it, tears were falling down her face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Blaine started to say.

Rachel sniffed and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"No. No it's okay. I'm sorry. I just..." Rachel shook her head and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, eyes swimming with tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine asked awkwardly. Rachel shook her head no, but then she stopped and nodded.

Blaine sat down on the floor next to her.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to" he said slowly.

"No it's okay. I've only told Kurt and that was awkward because he is Finn's brother, right?" Rachel said laughing a bit. It really was awkward telling Kurt about the break up. Kurt was totally understanding but she could tell he wasn't agreeing with her 100%.

"Start where ever you want" Blaine prompted when Rachel sat quietly for a while. She nodded.

"Well, I knew Finn didn't get a football scholarship. And even though I kept telling him, he still thinks he's not good enough for NYADA. So h-he decided to join the Army. But I guess he knew it would break my heart. So he decided to break it to me in a real fancy way. He took me to a fancy restaurant and during dinner he was all quiet. Then he just blurted it out. I thought it was a joke. But it wasn't and I started cry right there in the middle of the place. So then I just sat there quietly sobbing because I knew I couldn't continue the conversation there. Then after we left and the drive to his house was so slow and quiet. Then we got there are we went and sat in the family room. And then I just lost it. I cried and he was close to tears. He explained that he wanted to do it like his father and I respect that. But he said that he could be gone for like over 2 years and I...I can't do that" Rachel was openly crying now. Blaine put his arm around her shoulder and shushed her softly.

"Then I told him that if he goes, then we are over. And I told him I understand that I seem selfish but then I kissed him and I was about to leave because he never said anything. Then he asked if I have faith in him, and don't get me wrong, I do, b-but it's fate. And fate is uncontrollable. So I told him that if he left and we were still together, I'd be so worried and heartbroken that I'd be unable to function. Like I'd live in bed and cry myself to sleep every day" Rachel sobbed into Blaine's shoulder. She looked at him, or tried to. The tears made her view messed up.

"Can you imagine being away from Kurt for months and not knowing if he was alive or okay or anything?" she asked him quietly.

"N-no" Blaine said, a few tears running down his face. "No I can't. I'd miss him so much every day."

Rachel nodded. "Exactly" she said. "I guess to me it seemed like a better idea to break it off and move on then live life in question and worry. Anyways, we never spoke after that. He never said a word to me and he avoided me at all costs. Even by walking to class the long way to avoid me. And everyone must have noticed how we sat as far away from each other as possible in Glee club. It's been four weeks. I miss him like crazy and I suppose a small part of me always will. But at least now I don't have to worry if he's dead or not."

"I totally get where you are coming from" Blaine said hugging the girl.

She was silent for a while.

"Blaine?" she asked after a while.

"Yeah?"

"D-do you think I made the right decision?"

Blaine sighed. "I don't know. Yes and no."

Rachel sniffed. "How?"

"Well, I get what you meant and you had every reason to leave when you did."

"But?"

"But by walking out, you pretty much gave him a free pass to go. He obviously cared about you and now with you gone, all he has left is to go and fight his problems away, thinking he has nothing anymore" Blaine said.

"Oh my gosh" Rachel said and a fresh round of tears came. "I'm practically killing him!"

"No! Rachel, no you are not!" Blaine said. "You aren't killing him!"

"Okay. But I just want him to stay and come to New York with us. B-but he won't listen to me. He'll just go anyways. To honor his dad" Rachel sighed.

"Did you ever tell him that?" Blaine asked. "Did you ever sit down with him and tell him what he means to you and what you want in the future?"

"No. No I didn't" Rachel said.

"Maybe you should?"

"It's too late now" Rachel said. "It's been four weeks!"

"It's never too late for true love" Blaine said. He gave her a big hug and stood up. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I have to go now. I'm sorry. But just don't give up yet. Why don't you write him a letter?" Blaine smiled kindly and walked away slowly.

"That's not a bad idea. Thanks so much Blaine. You are a great friend and I can't wait to go live in New York with you and Kurt. Thanks for listening to me. It helped a lot" Rachel stood up too and flung her arms around him. "If you weren't gay, you'd make the perfect boyfriend!" she gave a weak smile.

"Thank you. Glad I could help" and with that, Blaine left, leaving Rachel alone with the books. She picked up her bag and purchased the book she had begun to read. Then she went home to compose her letter.

Finn found the letter in his locker 2 days later at school. He had a spare class so he went to his car and sat there in the drivers seat. He pulled out the letter and locked the doors. He opened the envelope which had his name on it. And a gold star. He knew it was from Rachel, no doubt about it.

Dear Finn,

This is 4 weeks late, I know. And I totally understand if you don't accept what I'm trying to say. I was recently inspired to do this. Please excuse the tear stains. It wasn't easy for me to do this.

I know you want to join the army. I know and I totally get why you do too. To honor your father and become a hero and do something great with your life. I get that, really. But I see what you can't. I see your talent in regards to singing. You didn't become male lead of New Directions because of your good looks. You became lead because you got talent. Good talent. And it's such a shame that you don't embrace that like I and many others do.

I'm just going to tell you now. I don't want you to go. I don't want to you leave me. Not for a week, not for a month, not for ever. I'll miss you like crazy. But that's just my opinion. I know you must have reasons for going. But I just wanted to tell you what I felt. Don't hate me: I'm just being completely honest.

I want to tell you something. My secret dream. As much as I really really REALLY want to be on Broadway and follow in the footsteps as my idols, I want something else. Something more even. I want you. I want you in New York. With me. I want you to be there with me as I try to achieve my dreams. And I want to be there supporting you when you do the same. And really, you and I know joining the army isn't your real dream. And I can't be there for you if you are across the world fighting and maybe dyeing.

You mean something to me. More that I probably tell you. And I apologize for that. I love you more than anything. I can't see life without you and that's why I was so upset when you wanted to go. I had plans for us. Plans for us to go to New York. With Kurt and Blaine. The four of us would take NY by storm. But most importantly, I'd be there with you. I had other plans too. Like for our wedding, the colour theme would be brown and gold. And then we'd have kids. Three of them. We'd raise them Jewish and they'd be gifted singers. Finn, I had our whole life planned out. And when you told me your plans, I just felt so darn useless. All those plans...gone. And I understand that wasn't your intention at all, but a twist like that I just couldn't handle. Do you see where I'm coming from?

Look, my point is, I love you and I always will. And I wanted you to know what you mean to me. So much. And if you're plans are different from mine, that's okay because it's your life too. And no matter where you are, I'll love you. I just wanted to say that. As much as you joining the army would break my heart to no end, if it makes you happy and feel fulfilled, then you have my blessing. And when you come home, call me. I'll probably be in New York with Kurt and Blaine. If you change your mind, there's room for you too. I'll need an escape from all their love and I think they already think I'm too clingy. Anyways, I'll be in New York, hopefully making my way to the stage. So call me. And maybe we can get some food or coffee or something. Or just talk, you know? And I hope you know that as I try to make it big in NYC, you'll be my muse. I'll be thinking about you, no matter what you might think.

I love you Finn Hudson.

So good luck out there. Make your father proud. And me. But no matter what you do, that'll happen anyways.

Bye.

Just remember: I'm forever yours.

Faithfully.

-Rachel Berry

By now Finn was crying. Like full on teenage girl crying. It really hit him at the end when Rachel quoted Journey. That was the song that they sang at Regionals in their softmore year. It was such a nice and emotional song and it means a lot to them both. It was THEIR song. There he sat. Previously confident. Previously strong. And now he was weeping in his car during his spare. He'd never cried this much. Ever. He was too young when his father died so he didn't really cry.

He felt bad about Rachel for weeks now but now he felt really bad. He had no idea about her plans or anything. She always seemed so tough and strong and here, on this paper, she was completely open and free with her feelings. This was the Rachel he loved. But now he had a choice: army or Rachel? It was hard because he really wanted to because of his dad. But his dad was gone. He can't change that now. But he did have control of life now. And Rachel. That's it. He had made up his mind. Finn Hudson got out of his car.

To find Rachel. And make things right. And go to New York.

Together.

A/N

Woah. Okay sorry if the title is confusing. I had planned for this to be a cute Blaine/Rachel friendship story, but I needed something for Blaine to comfort her about, so I used the Army idea based off the promo for 3-10. I never meant it to go into the whole letter thingy…. But what evs, I kinda like it and I couldn't just end it off when Blaine left, right? So once again, my sorrys, but hopped you liked it!

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