This is my first fanfiction. Slash, oneshot, HydeEric pairing.
Constructive critisism appreciated, but bear with me, as I said, it's my first.
What Cannot Be
Your eyes met.
You recognized the look in his eyes.
And you quickly looked away.
Did you always know you loved him?
You'd known a long time, that's for sure.
He was your best friend, ever since you were kids, and you always cared for him.
Exactly when it turned to love, real LOVE in capital letters, is uncertain.
But it did.
You saw him with his girlfriend, and you were jealous.
Of course you were jealous.
Everybody noticed.
But they didn't notice of whom.
You tried to take her from him.
Hold her in your arms just so you wouldn't have to see her in his.
But that didn't quite work out.
So you turned to another girl instead,
Desperate not to admit…
But you saw that look in his eyes.
Every time they met.
And you knew what it meant.
And it hurt, because it was so close, but so far away.
Then one day, out of the blue, it was just you and him in the basement.
After a month of exchanging curious looks, you both knew very well what it was you didn't say.
You were sitting on the couch; he was standing a few meters away, uncertain.
You showed no sign of the anticipation in your chest, let it not slip that you were holding your breath, you acted, in fact, like you were unaware of his presence.
You knew this would make him uncomfortable, but it was just the way you did things.
As if you couldn't help it.
He sat down on the couch.
Less than an inch away.
"Um," he said, and his voice trailed away.
Something needed to be said and you were going to make him say it.
"Hyde, I…"
You turned to look at him.
And you couldn't take it anymore.
"Shut up, Forman," you said.
Then you kissed him.
His hand caressed your cheek, and you could see your love reflected in his eyes…
But when you realized what you were doing, you pulled away.
He swayed for a moment, thrown off-balance by your sudden and unsuspected movement.
"I'm sorry," you tried to say, but you weren't sure your voice was audible.
He nodded.
Whether he'd heard you or not, he'd understood your point.
But you still felt like you had to explain.
You desperately tried to shake off the feeling that you were being an asshole.
"I mean, we just can't. Or, well, we could, but… It wouldn't be easy. It would hurt, and I'd never want to see you hurt… And precise, there's Donna to consider."
And with that, you had settled it.
He leaned in, and kissed your cheek one last time.
You drew in the smell of him, so close.
You were never going to have this chance again.
But you knew things like this could ruin a life.
Your own was pretty much fucked up all ready, but not his.
He still had the chance of a good life.
A great life.
A life without you.
You could feel our eyes itching, and a tear escaped one of them.
That was when you pulled yourself together.
You never cried.
Never.
It was just not something you did.
And so, you went back to her.
But as your fingers caress her lips, her skin, her body,
His image flickers before your eyes.
And all those clever ways of saying 'I love you'
Were not composed with her in mind.
