Minefeild
lovin' Jak's like walking through a minefeild -jakXdax- one wrong step and everything turns to sh!t.
X--x--X
Lovin' Jak's like walking through a minefeild.
His outer scars and complete attitude change is bad, until he lets you in close enough to catch a glimpse of the mess of inside ones. All the wounds he's ever had look like gravel-rash compared to the massive mess left behind after so much pain, torture and guilt trippin' the 'hero' goes through.
He's finally let me close enough again, at least now and again, but crap, it ain't ever been this bad before! Gawd, not even the damage my little tumble into the eco-pool had taken on him looked as utterly unfixable. Way back when Jak had less words, more sanity.
Back when lovin' Jakwas more like lovin' air. Simple - easy - perfect.
Before that sadistic bastard got to him - twisting him up in more ways then Jak could ever hope to deal with.
When he blushed instead of smirked nastily.
When he blocked instead of whipped out a handful of explosives.
When he just killed when he had to instead of letting someone see what their insides looked like just for getting in his way.
Back when he saved the world to save people, not to kill them personally - no matter how much Errol and that sh!t Praxis deserved it.
Yeah, lovin' Jak sure ain't as easy as it used to be. But... even if I had a choice I know I still wouldn't change things.
I can deal with all the outbursts, I can deal with all the innoscent blood on his hands and I can deal with both his alter-ego's when I have to.
'Cause I have to.
I'll make myself handle the little pink lines etched into his skin after every bad dream - the little marks where he'd tried to turn his inside scars to outside one's.
I'll force myself not to wonder if I could make things better if I had less fur - more lips to kiss it all... Humph. I'm still woking on that one.
I'm learning my way around this new Jak, that's for sure. I'm learning how different he's been made to see the world.
He ain't the innoscent little scruff of a kid back when we went fishin' and racin' andplayin' like noone else in the world mattered but us two.
Jak's tainted; Dark Jak, Light Jak - they just visit and leave a mess behind. It's the real Jak underneath that i'm scared for.
It's my Jak that has me worried.
The Jak that I see when I can't shut myself up in time - mutter things that really shouldn't be said in public, especially when the public ain't quite as oblivious as the messed up hero of my inflictions, and he reacts perfectly.
Blushes slightly, or freezes shyly. Or when he laughs with me freely, like noone's listening - and he doesn't notice that they are.
The Jak that shuts up when we're alone - and lets me do all the talking. Just like it should be, will be, if I end up getting through this minefeild in one peice.
'Cause walkin' a minefeild - full of dark pain and violence, and the slight slip of sanity, is all hard as hell - but when I managed to get pass another and help him out alittle...
It's all worth it to see that almost-smile. To see that almost-Jak underneath.
And no matter how battle scarred the crazy bastard is - I love the fact that he'll never stop being worth all that to me.
X--x--X
