Chapter One
Well Shit
"Shit!" I cursed again for the thousandth time. 'How the fuck do I get myself into these situations.' Currently I find myself in a metal crate with just enough room to move.
*Flashback*
'My head, ow, a cool breeze, nice. Wait….. there's no breeze indoors!'
I open my eyes and for once I wish I hadn't.
'Shit. Why does it always have to be ME!'
Skydiving is something I never wanted to do…..EVER. And doing it on an alien planet with a retarded parachute is fucked up. How did I know I was on an alien planet? Well, Skies ain't red and I have never seen four freaking suns in one sky ever! Plus they're red too.
Looking around desperately, hoping to find something to either stop my descent or that this was some insane very realistic dream. As I look I finally notice the blinking button on my chest, holding me in the parachute. I smash my hand onto the button…nothing. I do it again but harder, nothing, so what do I do? Well I continually smashing my hand onto the glowing button with all the might of the Hulk himself. But still FUCKING nothing!
So what do I do? I hyperventilate.
"Come on! come on! COME ON DAMN IT!"
Bing.
"Yes, wait…too close! Ground! FUCK!"
The parachute pops open but the ground is too close! So I end up smacking into every tree on the way down, landing…hard.
'Why does everything happen to me, ow.' Standing up I take in my surrounding and all I can think is 'we are not in Kansas anymore.' Red freaking sky with multiple suns, Freaky Fucking plants with massive thorns sticking out of them and four. FOUR FUCKING PLANETS! I can see them so clearly it was as if I wasn't on a planet at all, but in space, on a ship, flying past the fucking planet!
"ROAR!" Double fuck. I turn around FAST!
And suddenly two big black over grown bugs appear from out of fucking nowhere. Then one of them shrieks at me…
'Nope'
And with that I run.
And wouldn't you know it another one appears in my path. Fuckers knew I was coming. I go straight into a fighting stance, 'I know karate assholes!'
Suddenly I feel pressure on my arm, something that wasn't there before.
'Da fuck?' There in my right sleeve is a knife, I don't even own a knife! let alone carry one. Sigh 'Well when life gives you lemons…' They take my lack of attention as an opening and charge at me.
One by one they come at me. Taking turns swinging at me. The first I dodged, swinging the blade getting EXTREMELY lucky with a kill. I move in time to dodge another just missing me by inches, one down two to go. Then all hell breaks loose, I think that they didn't expect a fight after all I am quite the innocent looking creature, but now oH SHIT JUST GOT REAL! The two move rhythmically circling me. 'Round and round we go when they strike hope to God I know.' Both suddenly strike at once, One leaping for my middle the other aiming for my legs. I deflect the first and dodge the second moving as fast as I can, dodge, kick, swing, hit (ow, okay don't hit) dodge, jump, NOW! I swipe the blade straight through the head of an ugly bug. 'Hell yeah! FUCK!' I forgot about the other one and it rakes is claws from my chest down to my knee, 'Fuck, why bugs, I hate bugs.' I land hard on the floor. My side burning, my sight blurring. The black bug comes running at me again and just at the last minute, swearing that I could count all of those ugly teeth, jump up and swing the blade straight through his head. 'Well fuck me, call me the karate kid all grown up.' I watch as it falls to the ground unmoving and 'da fuck', watch as the ground sizzles up. 'Well fuck me.' I look to my blade surprised that it is still in one piece.
Suddenly I hear a growl, not like the one the black bugs made, but a different more terrifying growl accompanied by some clicks, 'for the love of…', looking up and see a weird ass blur moving. I could feel eyes burning holes into me.
'Nope, so done with this shit!' I take off as fast as I can go, holding onto my side. A sudden whooshing sound cuts through the air. 'What's that sound?' Looking back I see 'a frisbee…really? Ha…' Then I realise that the frisbee is slicing up everything in its path. 'Okay not a frisbee, and its heading right towards me, run FASTER!' My injury how ever is killing me, making it impossible to do as my mind demands my body to. But I somehow manage to be running faster. 'I need something to toss back at it…' I started looking around desperately for anything big enough to throw. There! I see a big rock. 'please let this work.' Grabbing it, without stopping, I lobbed the rock hard and quick, praying that it will hit. Yes!'The frisbee shatters. 'Goodbye whateverthefuckyouare! (what ever the fuck you are!)' I cheer.
For two hours I run, I ain't gonna face whatever that was back there, nooo fucking way! 'Suns going down…I think? Time to find shelter…there! That cave will do.' Looking around for a resting spot I spot a hole in a rock face cliff….thingy.
I make my way up (without falling, dying or injure yay) and in.
"Hello! Anybody home? Make an alien if noise there is?" Nobody? GOOD! I settle myself in, you know moving leaves around and stuff 'traps don't wanna have 'THAT' thing getting me'. I spend the next hour setting traps and finding multiple escape routes, the multiple movies and science shows I watch finally come in handy. 'That should do it.' ( I a fast little fuck at building shit, specially when my life demands on it.) Then take off my shirt and start to tear it into strips, reaching for my side I tie up my injury wrapping it best I can 'Hopefully it doesn't become infected. Oh well time for some well deserved rest.' Finishing the last touch to my traps I lay down in my cave for some shut eye, letting the sounds of weird but comforting insects lull me to sleep.
ROAR!
'Time to go!' Jolting awake I take off in a northerly direction. How do I know its northerly? Fuck if I know!
Now this little cycle continued for 3 days straight. (running, hole finding, rapping and cleaning injure, trap laying and sleeping):
"Fuck" my stomach rumbled loudly. I haven't eaten ANYTHING since I got here. Today is day five. I'm dirty, sweaty, tired AND hungry. I've been running from that thing since I meet it and fuck it's persistent and it's freaking LOUD too! Roaring and shit every other minute! If I didn't know any better I swear it was enjoying chasing me. I've had three close encounters and each time I've dodged it and ran like hell. My injury is bandaged with my…well whats left of my shirt which by now is non-existent. I'm so tired right now that I've squished my way down under the roots of this tree, trying to keep conscious. But because I'm hungry, dehydrated and exhausted, it's REALLY difficult. 'Just so tired…NO gotta stay awake…gotta…live…but so tired!' Suddenly I hear something, could be nothing, after all I am on the verge of collapsing.
*GROWLING NOISE*
'FUCK ME! I am gonna die!' I could hear the growling and clicking noises. Its noise centimetres from my location, getting closer and closer. I can see the blurry people thing now. It de-blurs before my eyes and I analyse what I see. A 11ft humanoid alien, netting, amour and a loincloth…and skulls.
Like the bugs and human ones too, a shitload of scars. 'Defiantly enjoy my running and traps'.
Dread locks and…. BREASTS.
It's female? Now I feel kind of bad, but not she did try to kill me after all. I look to her face…I think? It has mandibles, cool. I look to her brown eyes, big fucking mistake. She roared long and loud. My ears hurt and I'm too tired to blink, so I settle for staring, finally she stops. She kinda looks pissed.
I think I was suppose to do something.
*Huffing noise*
Yep, she's upset. She looks thoughtful for a moment, then she starts to moves towards me. Unfortunately for me I can't be bothered to freaking moving. Too tired for that shit you know. So she ends up coming right up to me, RIGHT IN MY FACE! I raise an eyebrow
"What the FUCK YOU WANT?" She looked surprised then pissed. 'Yep I just can't keep my mouth shut.' She lunges for my neck pulling me out from under the tree, not even bothered by my weak ass struggles and holds me up by my neck. This is it.
But instead of snapping my neck she turns my head to the left then the right…examining me? I'm too tired to put up a fight so forgive me for not reacting. Its if she knows what I was saying cause next thing I know she's squeezing my neck…HARD. That does it. I strike fast hitting the area around her neck hoping the pressure points on humans are like the ones on her (I took classes). She releases me to the unforgiving forest floor. Down she goes…out cold. I take this as my queue to leave but I have a conscience, called Jiminy. He's an asshole. So I don't know why for the life of me, but I reach over and grab her by her odd clothes and move her under the tree where I was and cover her in mud. I DON'T KNOW WHY! I just did. Maybe for payback?
Then I run, taking off north again. But just roughly 30 minutes later…
ROAR!
"Shit sleeping beauty is awake and she's not happy." I try running fast but I'm too tired and weak. All I hear is bang, bang, bang. While my death symphony is playing, followed by something grabbing my neck and throwing me into a nearby tree. 'Poor tree…' I yelp and freeze. Looking up at angry angry alien heavily breathing and looking pissed. I can only give her a tired and pitiful look 'Please…no…suffer…', I try to communicate to her.
She suddenly changes her expression and I don't know whether to scream in terror or breathe a sigh of relief because, she looks at me…AT ME. Then at her mud covered body then at me, then at the mud, then at me again sadly I don't like this look she's got. Wheel be turning in the wrong direction here. "No, what ever you are thinking, just no." I screech at her, but to my dismay she gives off what I am 99% sure is a smug look then bends over grabs my freaking HAIR of all things and yanks me forward from my nice slumped sitting position to on my stomach, slightly jarring my injury. I fall on the floor confused until I get a shit load of weight on my back, I hack and cough in protest.
"Da fuck! You're heavy!" She grabs at my hands and it dawns on me what she is doing…
'So then you wanna play cops and robbers do ya?' Both my arms are tied behind my back and then my feet are bound. She's not taking any chances. I feel so special. I'm suddenly airborne and thrown over her shoulder. Fuck that armour hurts. I can't help but yelp in pain as my injury connects to her shoulder, she huffs and starts off in the direction we came from.
"Bitch." I can feel my blood paint her body and I'm getting dizzy from the blood loss.
"Nighty-night" I slur and everything went black.
After that I came to only to lose consciousness again! When I finally gain consciousness and stay conscious, I was in a fucking crate!
*End of flashback*
It's metal alright. I can tell from the fact that my fucking head still hurts from when I stood up too quickly and smacked my head into the crate. Ow. It's relatively big, not enough for me to stand though. Rectangle like. I suddenly hear noises outside the crate, more clicking and light growls much like hers…great.
'More of them big footed bastards.' My only comfort is that my body has been 'tended' to but I'm still debating the fact that I'm happy someone poked me while I was out. The bandages are really only there to cover my wound, no stitches or nasty smelling creams. The growling and clicking gets louder reminding me that this was not the time to get sidetracked. A noise suddenly resounds in the crate….coming from the rear. Suddenly the back wall moves…towards me.
'Fuck, I'm gonna be squashed.' But just before I become a sandwich it stops. I barely have enough room to move! 'Da fuck?' I move away from the piece of crate I was meant to be sandwiched to. It fucking moved, I was expecting to be a sandwich but no it was a freaking EXIT.
'Eh?' Giving it a push the wall opens a little, a bright light streams in. I release it and it falls back into place.
'Okay brainstorm time, stay here and cramp up or go out there and find out what shit is going down, tough one.' I think for a few more seconds. 'Cramp or shit, cramp or shit.'
'What the hell, shit is gonna hit the fan anyway.' I push the wall, and a blinding light comes in and I peer out. My stare demanding an answer.
Authors note
First Redo, Like it? Love it? Makes more sense…hopefully. It does better! And its bigger YAY!
