This is my first post, so treat me kindly. I'm going to start with a one shot. Enjoy.
So in this scene they're at the Grimmauld Place and an Alternate Harry has some how made his way there to their dimension. All he wants is a little help, but it doesn't seem likely that that will be happening any time soon.
Harry is 15, he is also technically AU and OOC. Alternate Harry is 20-ish give or take a year. His dimension was a violent one.
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Alternate!BAMF!Shouting!Pissy!Harry
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"So what you seem to be saying is I'm in an alternate universes," said Alternate Harry, "where some people exist, who definitely did not in mine," (glares at Sirius) "and you have no idea how to get me back?"
"Alternate reality, but essentially yes," said Dumbledore, smiling that annoying grandfatherly smile of his.
"Are you serious?" Alternate Harry who in lue of shrieking (very unmanly, no matter how much he wanted to) shouted.
"No, I'm-"
"Listen, I don't know you, and I am feeling pretty glad about that right now." Said Alternate Harry, voice flat. "But I have only been here for a couple of hours, and if I hear that goddamn pun one more goddamn time I will be sorely tempted to kill you." Snape, who was sitting quietly in the corner, smirked. This Potter seemed a lot better than the one they had.
"But-" said Sirius.
"I will beat you to Death!"
"Now, my boys," "I am not your boy." "there is no need to get worked up," Dumbledore said, smiling happily, as he chose to ignore Alternate Harry's grumblings. He slipped his dreaded silk pouch from the pocket his purple robe. "I am sure everything will work out if we all calm down and work together. Perhaps a lemon dr-"
"Enough with the fucking candy already, dammit!" Alternate Harry finally allowed himself to shriek. "What the hell is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with this whole goddamned uni- excuse me, reality? Does your Voldemort dress in drag to? I bet he has hair that would make a Malfoy jealous."
"Now there's no reason to use such language- " Molly Weasley began, but was swiftly interrupted by an incredulous Alternate Harry (who seems to be in that state more and more since he arrived.)
"My language?" Alternate Harry had finished resisting any and all temptations and was definitely letting loose his many decibels. "Bitch, I have been ripped through the very space time continuum, to an alternate reality filled with what very well seems like pussies, idiots, and sheeple, and your getting on me about my LANGUAGE!"
"Now, now," said Dumbledore, finally taking it upon himself to intervene. He reached over to put a solemn hand on Alternate Harry's shoulder, not removing it even as it was glared at hard enough to feel. "I'm sure if we all just calm down, work together, and have a little candy, we can-"
"Get your pedophilic hand off me, Barney." Alternate Harry said icily, finally fed up and ready to kill someone. "You know I was maybe contemplating helping you annoying bastards, but I have come to the rather firm conclusion that you people really don't deserve it. The mere fact that you let this bastard around your children, much less let him rule over a school, is a testimony to that. I kind of hope you die at this point, and I can only be filled with pity that this Harry is going to have put down your rabid dark lord for you at what is the kindness off his apparently saintly heart."
"Oh don't be," Harry said deciding now to speak. "I was really planning on taking my godfather, Remus, my not inconsiderable assets, and my primarily male (but also female) harem out of this country, and leaving them all to rot."
There was a lengthy silence as everyone took a few moments to take that in, in which time most of the rooms jaws, (and hopes) dropped. Dumbledore stood frozen, and Snape (who's vision of the "Golden boy" had been quite thoroughly shattered) made some quick travel plans. All the while Harry smiled quite innocently, and Alternate Harry could only blink repeatedly, suddenly feeling rather awkward.
"Well…good on you then." Alternate Harry said. He coughed lightly into his fist. "So, a harem? Aren't you a bit young for that?"
Everyone turned to look at Harry because he was only 15 after all and, really a lot of them had stopped listening at harem, missing the key point of his statement. Harry merely raised an eyebrow slowly, looking at him benignly.
"They are expecting me to murder someone in cold blood, and I did kill my first year teacher with my literal bare hands." Harry looked at Alternate Harry almost kindly, as if he were the naïve boy and Harry was the wise veteran who had seen all the world had to offer. This world anyway. "Old enough to kill, old enough to fuck."
"Ah," was all Alternate Harry could say to that and turned to Dumbledore who had yet to move. It was best to change the subject. "Anyway, I hope you have a way to get me back home. You people are too fucked up for me to have to deal with this shit for the rest of my life." But Dumbledore still hadn't moved, Snape was nowhere to be found and the sheeple were daze and aimless without their Sheppard. He turned back to Harry.
"I don't suppose you-"
"Of course, I'll help," Harry said standing up from the kitchen table. "You'll learn not too expect much from them." He grabbed Alternate Harry's arm and, with a nod and wave to both Sirius and Remus, dragged the poor alternate from the room.
"This only ever happens to me." Alternate Harry lamented, as he was pulled along. Harry just looked at him and smiled (funny how the lighting made it look rather like a smirk), tugging all the while.
"Don't be silly, it happens to me all the time."
