Shinji's Reason

Part 1- Version 1 completed 26/6/99

Version 2 completed 28/10/2001

By Jeff Mullier

Email: jmullier@idl.net.au

Copyright notice

Neon Genesis Evangelion and associated characters are copyright Gainax and associated companies.

Author Notes

Well this is my first fanfic, I hope you like it, and any comments would be appreciated. I hope I haven't made any of the characters act wildly out of character. Also this fic contains spoilers. It takes place after episode 24 and

ignores events in episodes 25,26 & the movies. I have also rearranged and added to some of the events as shown in the series.

Further Notes on version 2

The rewrite started some time ago, due to some constructive comments made by some readers and in a review for this story, also due to some comments and reviews of my latter story Shinji's Decision. Although it was only recently that the format was changed from script to prose format.

Yes the start of this story and my other story Shinji's Decision are very similar. This first chapter is almost the same other than it isn't quite as dark. The storylines deviate greatly during the last third of the second part.

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Shinji's Reason

Part One - Revelations / Reasons

Shinji's bedroom - during the night, one week after the battle with the 17th Angel.

Shinji is tossing and turning in bed, trying to get some sleep, but memories of the events of the few months just keep on repeating themselves. Despite all attempts, he does he just can't block them out. He has been having similar thoughts for the last week and the strain and lack of sleep is starting to show. 'Why, why me. Why does everybody have to betray me?'

The painful memory of finding out that Kaworu is the 17th angel and then having to chase him all the way to terminal dogma. Where he then confronted Kaworu and after hesitating for a few minutes killed Kaworu by crushing him in Unit 01's hand, replays itself in Shinji's mind once more, much to Shinji's discomfort. 'Even someone who said they loved me still betrayed me.'

The equally painful memory of sitting in the entry plug of Unit 01 while Unit 01 was under the control of the dummy plug then flashes through his mind. The most agonising part where he screams for it to stop and at his father to make it stop, echoes though his mind. Especially the part where Unit 01 is holding Unit 03's entry plug and then crushes it.

'Father, he is no father of mine. He is the cause of all this pain. He just sees me as a tool, just like he sees everybody else. I know that he probably cares more for Unit 01 than he does for me. Otherwise why were you so worried that you wouldn't let me go and save Asuka, I know that it wasn't for my well being. I know that she would have hated me if I did save her but that would be better than the state she is in now.'

'Even the first time you made me pilot Unit 01 you were deceiving me weren't you father? You knew that when you brought in Rei on a stretcher that I would pilot it to save Rei from more pain. What are you doing father? What do you what with Rei? I Know that she must have some special purpose for you, she is the only person that you seem to care for.'

'Rei Ayanami, I don't know how to feel for her now. I think I am scared of her now that I know where she comes from now.' Shinji's memory then flashes back to that shocking moment when Ritsuko revealed the truth about Rei.

Dummy Plug room - Nerv headquarters

Ritsuko has just brought Shinji and Misato to a circular room with a tube full of LCL in the centre. A tangled mass of cables and pipes looking almost like a spinal column run from the top of the tube to the ceiling. The walls are made from a tinted glass, but with the area behind the glass in darkness neither Misato nor Shinji can make out what is behind the glass panels.

Ritsuko turns to Shinji and remarks, "That room where you said that it looked like Rei's room. That is where Rei was born. In fact the latest Rei was created there after the last angel attack. That Rei is the third, the second sacrificed herself to destroy the 16th angel, and the first was killed by my mother just before she committed suicide."

Both Shinji & Misato look shocked. Ritsuko just grins and gets a remote control keypad out of her lab jacket pocket, she then says, "Misato, Shinji this room is the heart of the dummy plug system."

Misato replies, "So this is the core of dummy plug?"

"This is where we produce the components." Ritsuko then presses a button on the remote control keypad and the contents of the wall tanks are revealed, both Shinji and Misato gasp in horror at the contents of the tanks.

Shocked by what he is seeing Shinji utters, "Oh my god it's Rei. They're all Rei!"

Trying to understand what Ritsuko has just shown them Misato asks, "You mean that the dummy plug is.........."

With a sinister grin on her face, Ritsuko answers Misato's question, "Yes. These are the cores of the dummy plug. This these are what makes the system work."

"Who are they?"

"These are empty vessels. And nothing but spare parts, spare Reis. For Rei is at the very heart of the instrumentality project. However to commander Ikari they were so much more due to whose image Rei was made in." Ritsuko then turns and faces Shinji and tells him, "You of all people Shinji should know who I am talking about."

Shinji at first looks puzzled at this comment but he soon realises what Ritsuko is talking about and answers, "I have always felt that there is something familiar about her, almost like...........Rei.........and..... and .........mother......are......are connected in some way."

Ritsuko laughs at this, "Yes Shinji, Rei is a clone, these are all clones. Cloned using a mixture of your mother's DNA and the DNA from a angel."

"What!!...... but...."

Misato reaches under her jacket for her pistol and orders Ritsuko, "Stop this Ritsuko."

Ritsuko gets a wallet out of her lab coat & gets a photo out of it. She hands to photo to Shinji, "Just look at this photo Shinji. It is a photo of my mother, and your mother and father, it was taken a week before your mother was lost in Unit 01."

Shinji looks at the photo and once he has studied it his eyes widen even further in surprise. He finally manages to say, "Mother..... I have never seen a photo of her, I think that father destroyed everything of her after the, the......" He then remembers being there the day his mother was absorbed by Unit 01 and starts screaming, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOO. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, I DON"T WANT TO REMEMBER THAT DAY, THAT WAS THE DAY WHEN...........WHEN..........."

Misato points her pistol at Ritsuko and orders her, "Stop this Dr Akagi, do you have any idea what you are doing?"

Ritsuko laughs and replies, "Yes, telling both you and Shinji something that the commander wanted kept a secret. And now to cut the puppets' strings" She then presses another button on the remote which destroys the Rei clones.

END FLASHBACK

'What can I do??? I can't run away any more. I am sick of running. Even if I did they would find me anyway.' He then continues tossing and turning in a futile attempt to get some sleep. Failing to fall asleep he ends up spending most of the time studying the ceiling and listening to his SDAT.

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Early next morning in Gendo's office

Gendo is sitting down at his desk in his usual position with his hands steeped together in front of his face. Without moving he orders Fuyutsuki, "I want you to order Lt Ibuki to organise a synchronisation test for the first & third children today."

Fuyutsuki frowns at this and answers, "But why? Haven't we just killed the last angel?"

"Perhaps, the scrolls only suggest 17 angels. Anyway read this." Gendo flips a document along the desk at Fuyutsuki, who picks it up and starts reading it.

Nerv Medical Department - Psychological Division

Report on the Mental State of the Three Surviving Pilots

TOP SECRET FOR COMMANDER'S EYES ONLY

First Child - Rei Ayanami

Since last test the subject seems to have suffered some memory loss. She keeps on saying that she is the third, but when asked she states that she does not know exactly what she means.

Subject is also showing some more signs of emotion & definitely showing signs of increased independence.

Subject is still stable and should show no problems piloting

Second Child - Asuka Langley Sohryu

Subject is suffering severe psychological trauma as an effect of the attack of the 15th angel. The full extent of these effects was not immediately recognised and the trauma was made worse by the pilot's lack of success piloting against the 16th angel.

The trauma seems to have opened up some deep mental wounds in the subject. The subject is currently in a coma in room 303 of the Nerv hospital. The chances of a full recovery are 50%.

Third Child - Shinji Ikari

Subject is beginning to become rather unstable due to the large mental strain placed on him. The explosion that destroyed Unit 00 and most of Tokyo 3 and injured the first child seems to have dramatically increased his instability. The battle with the 17th angel seems to have pushed him to the brink of a nervous breakdown. The chances of such a breakdown are 75%.

Extreme care should be used when considering the use of his pilot. A close watch should be kept on him to prevent him doing any damage to himself.

Fuyutsuki finishes reading the report and places back on top of Gendo's desk. "I see. But after reading this is it wise to test the third child?"

"I want to see if he is still useable. Remember that Unit 01 will only let him pilot. Unit 00 is destroyed, and it is questionable if Unit 02 will let Rei pilot it."

"But why the problem with Unit 02?"

"Both Units 01 and 02 have the soul of the pilot's mother in them. The mother of the pilot of Unit 02 suffered major mental contamination during a synchronisation test. This eventually led to her suicide. And we both know whose soul & body is trapped in Unit 01."

"I see." 'Yui, if you only could see what your husband has turned into.'

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The next morning - Misato's Bedroom in its usual state of disaster

A muffled sound of a phone ringing and be heard and from under the tangled heap of bedding Misato's hand can be seen groping for the phone. While she is searching for the phone she curses, "Where is that damn phone hiding? And who in the world is ringing at this time of morning?" Her hand finally locates the offending phone which was buried under a pile of discarded clothing. "Ah! There it is," she picks the phone up and answers it. "Hello. What! Are you sure? Is it wise to do that at the moment considering his state? Yes, I know. Ok I will tell him. Goodbye." She then sadly shakes her head while thinking, 'Mmm how do I tell Shinji that he has to do a synchronisation test this morning?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Misato's Kitchen - ten minutes later

Shinji is sitting at the table looking a little bleary eyed after getting no sleep last night and very little for the last week. Misato walks in and grabs her usual morning beer from the fridge. She turns towards Shinji and greets him in a cheerful tone, "Good morning Shinji."

Shinji however is in a rather irritable mood due to his lack of sleep over the past week, replies irritably, "Mmph, whatever."

Misato is slightly taken back by Shinji's response, 'My aren't we talkative this morning. I see you got little sleep again.' She then tells him, "Shinji you will have to come with me to Nerv headquarters this morning."

Shinji sighs and looks at Misato with a resigned expression, "What for? There are no more angels, we have killed them all."

"I don't know what for, Shinji." 'Yes there is supposed to be only 18 angels but who knows? What secrets are you hiding still Commander.' "I just know that Maya needs to run some tests with you and Rei. You go in to headquarters won't you?"

Annoyed Shinji answers, "Yes Misato."

"Good." 'I hope for everyone's sake that we don't get another angel attack while you are in this state Shinji.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Outside of Pilot's change rooms Nerv headquarters

Both Shinji and Rei have just finished getting changed and are starting to walk down the corridor towards the synchronisation test chamber. Shinji nervously greets Rei, "Um hello Ayanami."

Rei quietly replies, "Pilot Ikari."

"Um, Rei do you know why we are doing this?"

"I do not know why."

"Well since I killed the... the last......angel, there is no need to pilot any more is there?"

"Are you sure that was the last angel?"

Shinji staggers back in shock and looks at Rei bewildered, "What!!!!"

The two pilots have now reached the doorway to the synchronisation test chamber. Rei turns and tells Shinji, "We are here." As they both enter the test chamber, Shinji is still looking warily at Rei.

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Test chamber control room/simulation plugs

Once she sees that both Shinji and Rei have entered their simulation plugs, Maya asks, "Rei, Shinji are you ready to start the test?"

Rei simply replies, "Yes."

Irritated Shinji sighs before he answers, "Yes." He then screws his nose up as he realises, 'It still smells of blood, or is it me that smells of blood?'

"Good, commencing simulation."

Twenty minutes later Misato, Maya, Shigeru & Makoto are looking at the test results being received from the simulation plugs. Maya comments, "Shinji's synchronisation ratio is 42%, Rei's is 60%."

Misato hears this and frowns, "Mmm not good. Both of their ratios are way down. Shinji's I could expect after what has happed over the two last weeks. Rei's is probably due to what happened in Unit 00."

Soon afterwards Maya tells the test crew, "Ok we have finished here. We will now do a activation test using both pilots in Unit 02."

Misato then opens up the communications channels to the test plugs and informs the two pilots, "Ok Rei, Shinji we have finished here, onto the next test."

Upon hearing this Shinji groans and asks, "Misato what is the next test?"

"We are going to see if either of you can start unit 02."

"Oh." 'Asuka is not going to like this.'

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Entry Plugs of Units 01 & 02/ Control room

Shinji is sitting in the entry plug of Unit 02 when the voice of Misato comes over the intercom, "Are you ready Shinji?"

"Yes, it feels different though." 'Asuka is definitely not going to like this, especially Rei trying to use Unit 02.'

Maya then informs him, "Shinji, once Unit 02 is activated, we may need to stay synchronised for up to half an hour to gather enough data."

Shinji sighs and replies, "Yes."

A technician reports, "The loading of the third child's personal data is complete."

Misato looks up at the image of Shinji on a screen and asks, "How is he?"

"Pilot's status is stable, he does seem a little tense though."

"He may be remembering what happened the last time when he got into a different Eva unit. That won't happen again will it?"

"I still don't know why Unit 00 reacted like it did."

"Ritsuko may have known though."

"Yes she may have. Start the test."

"Injecting LCL."

"Begin A10 nerve connection."

"The conditions of the pulses and harmonics are good."

"There are no problems with synchronisation. All nerve links are completed."

"Checked up to 2590 on the list satisfied. Until the absolute border line, 2.5, 1.7, 1.2, 1.0, 0.8, 0.6, 0.5, 0.4, 0.3, 0.2, 0.1, and rising, borderline cleared."

"Unit 02 has activated. Synchronisation level is stable at 30%."

Maya comments, "It's only just over the start up point."

Hearing this Misato asks, "So we leave Shinji in Unit 01?"

"It would appear so."

Inside of Unit 02's entry plug Shinji feels a strange sensation enter his mind, 'What the hell!' The image of Asuka finding her mother hanging from the hospital ceiling flashes through Shinji's mind. 'Oh, Asuka, I never knew.' The images of what Asuka went through when the 15th angel attacked then also start flashing through his mind as well. 'So Asuka no wonder you couldn't sync with your Eva again, the angel broke down all your barriers. Asuka, I now know your real reason for piloting and the reasons you pilot the way you do.'

Before any more images flash through Shinji's mind Misato's voice comes over the intercom, breaking his concentration. "Shinji we have finished the test, you can get out now."

Shinji sighs in relief and answers, "Good." 'I don't know how much more of that I could take.'

Unit 02 powers down and Shinji exits the entry plug. Rei is waiting to begin her test in Unit 02.

Once she sees that everything is ready to commence testing Rei in Unit 02 Maya orders, "Start the test."

A technician reports, "Injecting LCL."

"Begin A10 nerve connection." As soon as this order is carried out, error messages appear on the screens and alarms start sounding.

Inside of Unit 02's entry plug Rei winces in pain and tries not vomit as the eva refuses the connection.. "Ugh, it's is not going to work."

Shigeru looks up from his readouts, "Pulses reversed. Unit 02 is refusing the neural connection It's no good it won't let her get past the start up point."

Maya then orders, "Stop the test, we will try Rei in Unit 01."

Misato asks, "Do you think that Unit 01 will let Rei pilot it this time?"

Maya shakes her head and answers, "Probably not. We can only try."

Rei exits Unit 02's entry plug and walks over and enters Unit 01's entry plug.

Maya orders once more, "Start the test." Once she has received the report that the entry plug has been filled with LCL, she orders, "Begin A10 nerve connection."

Once more error messages appear on the screens and alarms start sounding. Rei's voice comes over the communications channel to Unit 01, "It is not going to work again."

Shigeru reports, "It's the same problem that happened with Unit 02. It won't let Rei get past the start up point."

Maya sighs and orders, "Stop the test."

Fuyutsuki turns to Gendo, "It would appear that your son is the only useable pilot until either the second child recovers or we get another Eva unit for Rei."

Pushing his glasses back up his nose Gendo coldly replies, "Yes it does."

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Outside of the pilots' change rooms

Staring down the hallway deep in thought Misato is waiting for Shinji outside of the change rooms. She hears the door to the change room open and she turns to face a troubled Shinji. Misato asks him, "What are you going to do for the rest of the day Shinji? Do you want a lift home?"

Shinji bluntly replies, "I am going out for a walk. I need to think about some things."

'Uh oh. I hope we are not going to have to go through him going walkabout again. But after what he as seen and done the last couple of weeks, well who could blame him.' Carefully Misato asks, "Where are you going Shinji? Will you be back tonight?"

Shinji yells in frustration at Misato, "LOOK I TOLD YOU I AM GOING FOR A WALK. I NEED TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHINGS ALRIGHT. YES I WILL BACK TONIGHT. I KNOW THAT I CAN'T RUN AWAY

ANYMORE. I AM TIRED OF RUNNING AWAY. ANYWAY FATHER WILL JUST SEND THE SECRET

SERVICE AFTER ME AGAIN. SO I CAN NOT RUNAWAY, I AM TRAPPED HERE."

'What! He is getting really mad. Have we pushed him too far this time?' Surprised by Shinji's anger she warily tells him, "Ok ok. No need to get angry. You just need some time to yourself. Just make sure you take your phone with you in case I need to get in contact with you."

"Yes I will, I am leaving now," Shinji then quickly walks off down the hallway away from a worried Misato.

Unheard by the departing Shinji she says to him, "Bye." Sadly shaking her head Misato tells herself, 'I hope there are no more angels and that this ends soon because I think that he can't take too much more of this.'

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The Streets of the surviving section of Tokyo 3

Shinji is walking aimlessly while listening to his SDAT, thinking about the events of the last few weeks once more. But with the added burden of knowing partly the reason why Asuka acts the way she does. 'Well what can I do? I know that I can't run away. Just why do I still pilot?'

Lost in his daze Shinji steps out onto the busy road to cross it, unaware of the approaching truck which is carrying rubble from the ruins. At the last moment a man walking the footpath pulls Shinji back and angrily looks at Shinji and warns him. "Watch where you are going kid, are you trying to kill yourself or something?"

Shaken out of his daze, Shinji takes out the earplugs for his SDAT and answers, "Uh, thanks."

The man looks at the teenager before him and thinks, 'This kid needs a taking to before he kills himself crossing the road like that.' He then asks Shinji, "What's your name kid?"

"Shinji, Shinji Ikari."

"Well young mister Ikari......." The man then realises what the teenager in front of him just said that his name was, 'Wait a minute did he just say Shinji Ikari?' He then asks Shinji, "You are Shinji Ikari, the Evangelion pilot?"

"Regrettably, yes I am."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Piloting that thing has meant nothing but pain to me."

"I am sorry to hear that. But you are essentially fighting in a war, and you realistically must expect to be wounded at some time during one of your battles. You would be extremely lucky if you weren't injured at some time or another."

"Its not that, the physical pain while it may be unpleasant, it at least goes away, it's the emotional pain that I have trouble with."

'Is that why you look so mixed up?'

Shinji who has been wondering how the stranger knew his name and that he was an eva pilot asks, "How do you know my name and that I am a pilot?"

"You would be surprised of how famous the 3 Eva pilots have become. The names are of the pilots quite well known, but no one knows what you look like though. All that everyone knows is that the pilots are 15 year old children and that they have saved the city and mankind several times."

Surprised by this Shinji asks, "We are famous outside of Nerv?"

"You don't get it do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and your fellow pilots have made a big difference by your sacrifices."

Shinji looks down at the ground as he answers, ".....Um thanks, but I only do it because I am ordered to."

"Is that the real reason?"

"I used to think I knew the reason why I pilot the Eva, but that reason proved to be false, so I only do it now because I am ordered to."

The man frowns at hearing this and sarcastically says to Shinji, "Doing it because you are ordered to, do you really think that is a good reason to pilot? I think that you need to take a serious look at the real reason why you pilot."

"Perhaps I do."

"Yes you do. I have to go now. Goodbye." The man then walks off and soon disappears into the surrounding crowd.

Unheard by the departing stranger Shinji says, "Thanks." His thoughts then turn inwards once more, 'Just why do I continue to pilot? Why do I bother to keep on going on, why don't I just walk away from it all?' Shinji continues walking and ends up down in the geofront at Kaji's watermelon patch. 'Kaji, I could have talked this through with you. You would have at least heard me out. Misato why did you have to kill him?' Shinji then remembers what Kaji told him here during the attack of the 14th angel. 'Kaji, I think you could partly see the true reason I pilot. You would not have told me though, you would have told me that it was for me to realise.'

Shinji then sits down on a park bench near Kaji's garden. 'Do I pilot for the praise of my bastard of an uncaring so called father or do I do it some other reason?' Soon afterwards the memory of holding a bleeding Rei on the walkway in front of Unit 01 during the attack of the 3rd angel. And his decision to pilot to stop his father making an already injured Rei pilot, flashes through his mind. 'Maybe I pilot because it is a way I can help others.'

Shinji's memory then flashes back to the volcano at Mt. Asamayama during the attack of the 8th angel, the 8th angel has just cut Unit 02's umbilical cables just before it was destroyed. Unit 02 then starts to fall into the depths of the volcano with no means of climbing out. Asuka quietly says, "I have done it...... but that's it, I am done for......."

Hearing Asuka's statement Shinji thinks, 'I can't just let her fall to her death down there.' Unit 01 then jumps down into the volcano holding onto the intact portion of the umbilical cable with one hand.

Surprised by Shinji's actions Misato orders, "What are you doing Shinji? Come back here now."

Shinji simply replies, "And let Asuka die? I should be able to get her before the heat affects either Unit 01 or myself."

Annoyed Misato replies, "All right then."

Unit 02 stops falling, and Asuka grunts in surprise at the sudden stop. On a view screen in Unit 01 the image Asuka looking up to see what has saved her can be seen. Once she sees what it is she smiles and quietly says, "Uh??? Shinji! Baka! You show off!"

END FLASHBACK

'Even though you hated me for doing that Asuka I couldn't let you die, not when I could do something to stop it. Asuka, Even though she calls me a baka, and hits me all the time I at least know where I stand with her. But she is in hospital, after having a breakdown after the 15th angel attacked. Father why did you not let me save her? Just what do I feel for her? Well, I suppose I will go & visit Asuka in hospital tomorrow, even though she will hate me for it.'

Another memory flashes through Shinji's mind. It is a conversation that he had with Touji in Rei's apartment prior to the attack of the 13th angel. Touji is sitting down backwards on a steel chair and he says to Shinji, "You have changed a lot Shinji."

Turning around from his cleaning, puzzled Shinji asks, "What?"

"You, Shinji."

"Hmm?"

"When I first saw you, I really thought you were a jerk. You didn't seem like a guy who'd do something for the sake of other people. I guess it's that because you're so reserved."

END FLASHBACK

'Touji, I think that you could see that I will do things for those I care for. Touji, ....he is somewhere in the Nerv hospital. But I haven't seen him since........well, my bastard of a father nearly killed him using my hands. I don't know if I can face him, I don't know if he will forgive me. I wouldn't blame him if he did not.'

'What if Touji got hurt more because of my inaction's? Maybe that is the reason I pilot? Do I do it to protect those that I care for? If I don't pilot again now, especially now that there I am the only one left who can pilot. Who will protect them? Could I live with myself if I left it all and someone else got injured? I suppose I should try & go and see Touji in hospital and see if he forgives me for what father made me do.'

Shinji then remembers when he first started to think about Rei as a person and not just as a fellow pilot. It was at Misato's apartment prior to the attack of the 5th angel. Ritsuko has just asked Shinji if he could give Rei her new security card. Misato is teasing him for looking at Rei's photo on the card. Still studying the card Shinji finally tells Misato why he is looking at Rei's photo. "I just find it strange that I know so little about Ayanami, even though she's an Eva pilot, like me..."

Ritsuko smiles at this and tells Shinji, "She's a good girl though. But like your father, she's not good at..........."

"She's not good at what?"

"Living, I guess."

END FLASHBACK

'Rei Ayanami, although she is a clone of my mother, she is a human being in her own right. This Rei is special now that since Ritsuko destroyed the rest of the clones, that she is the last Rei. What do I feel towards her now? I feel a little strange towards her now, but I still feel for her. I shouldn't be avoiding her like I have been, since we have been through so much together. Due to her being a clone made mostly from my mother, she could easily be considered a relation. I suppose in a way she could even be called my sister. I should go and see her tomorrow to tell her that I am sorry for avoiding her and to tell her the truth about where she came from. As from the way she acts, it would appear that she does not know the full story either.'

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A computer terminal in an empty office deep in Nerv Headquarters

Misato sits down in front of the computer terminal, she places the chip that she received from Kaji into a port at the back of the processor. 'Lets see how good your password works Kaji.' She then starts typing at the computer and places a disc into it. After breaking into the highest security level files Misato comments to herself, 'mmm, interesting. Lets start by seeing what it says about second impact.'

The computer starts scrolling pages of information, Misato looks closely at the summary.

Summary of Second Impact

Second impact was caused by an experiment being carried out by the Katsuragi Expedition. On the being known as Adam (for further information refer to the file on the first angel), causing a massive explosion that caused the Antarctic ice cap to melt.

'So humans caused second impact by tampering with things that should be left well alone.'

There were only two survivors of this expedition. The first being Gendo Ikari who had returned to Japan the day before with copies of data from all of the expedition's experiments to date. He gave no indication if he knew what may have caused the expedition to have the effect that it did.

Misato frowns after reading this, 'mmm. Trust that bastard to get out just before it happened, he probably knew it was going to happen.'

The second survivor was Misato Katsuragi, the daughter of the expedition's head scientist. She was found floating in a survival capsule with minor head wounds, a chest wound & was suffering from slight blood loss. She believes that her father placed her in it just before the major explosion. It is suspected (although she claims no knowledge of the fact), that Misato Katsuragi is the only person to have actually seen second impact first hand. She was traumatised by the experience and remained catatonic for several years after.

'If they only knew what I saw......Hell on earth...... Enough of this lets see now, what is the truth of what are the Evangelions?'

The Evangelions are a bio-mechanical humanoid shaped fighting machine, they are in part mechanical and part living tissue created using angel DNA. The units need a pilot to control the actions of the unit and to interface with the simulated soul that resides in the unit. Although in the cases of units 01 and 02 it is believed that the soul is not actually a simulation.

The soul in Unit 00 is a simulation only, it was created using the personality transfer operating system. The person involved was Dr Naoko Akagi. Developer of the MAGI computer system and one of the original team behind the development of the Evangelions.

During a start up and synchronisation test in 2004 Unit 01's test pilot Yui Ikari was lost during an uncontrollable synchronisation incident during start up. No physical remains of the pilot remained. This incident happened while being watched by her son Shinji Ikari, who was later found to be the third child. It is believed that Dr Naoko Akagi was partly responsible for the accident although nothing was proven.

A shocked look appears on Misato's face after reading about Shinji's mother and Unit 01. '........Oh Shinji. That is why you hate Eva and yet still pilot it? Is that why you nearly didn't come back that time when it absorbed you Shinji? Did you see your mother? Lets see, what does it say about Unit 02?'

The soul in Unit 02 is believed to be that of Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu, who was the original test pilot for that unit in Germany. During a synchronisation test in 2005 the pilot suffered major mental contamination, which lead to a complete psychological breakdown, which lead to her eventual suicide. The body was found by her daughter Asuka Langley Sohryu who had just been selected as the second child.

''mmm I knew that Asuka's mother committed suicide but not the reason behind it. With what's happened to them and the truth behind their evangelions, no wounder the poor kids are so screwed up. Lets see about this mysterious Human Instrumentality Project that Kaji was so interested in.'

Summary of Human Instrumentality Project

The aim of the Human Instrumentality Project is the controlled merging of a human, the first angel Adam and the second angel Lilith. By this controlled 'Third Impact' mankind will evolve to the next level of consciousness, by the merging of all souls into one.

Misato is stunned by what she has just read, 'WHAT!!!!! a controlled third impact they can't be serious can they? Is this the true purpose of Nerv? Is this why you are so determined commander Ikari or do you have another reason? Oh crap! Look at the time. I better stop this and get out of here and make an appearance before somebody misses me.' Misato shuts the computer down and leaves the office.

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Rei Ayanami's apartment

Rei enters the apartment and walks over to her bedside chest of drawers. She takes Gendo's glasses out of their case and then sits down on a chair. Holding Gendo's glasses, she is staring at them deep in thought. A memory of the second Rei flashes through her mind. It is when Shinji came to Rei's apartment after the attack of the 13th angel to say goodbye. Shinji is standing awkwardly at the open doorway to Rei's apartment. He hesitantly tells her, "I have come to say goodbye Rei. I am going back to live with my teacher."

"Why are you leaving Shinji?"

"I have decided I won't pilot Eva again........especially after what father made Unit 01 do.....He nearly killed my best friend using my own hands."

"Have you tried to understand your father?"

Shinji angrily replies, "He is no father of mine. He has not cared for me since mother died. He only called me here because he had a use for me.""

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. He takes more interest in you and your well being than he does in mine. I have spoken to him only a few short times since I have come here. I have seen him with you and talking to you several times. Why is this Rei? Is this the actions of a caring father?"

".......I do not know."

END FLASHBACK

'Why would commander Ikari have more concern for me than he has for Shinji, his own son? Does he have some hidden purpose for me? Why does he ignore his own son? Why did he let Unit 01 do that to Shinji's friend? Shinji.....the only person who cares for me, is he right for not liking his father? Do I still have feelings for the commander or do I have feelings for Shinji now? Why do I keep these glasses? I feel that there is some reason I kept them but I do not know the answer. I think that they are the commander's, but can't see any reason in keeping them, what I made me keep them I do not know.' Rei twists the glasses until they shatter, the broken glass causes some small cuts to her hands.

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Shinji's bedroom - later that night

Shinji is sleeping soundly. Misato looks in on Shinji and comments to herself, 'mmm you seem to be sleeping soundly for once Shinji.'

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Well that's it for part 1.

Stay tuned for part Two - Finding Peace /Angel attack