Tonight's episode between E/C put me in a fog whether or not they are still together. Please, God, tell me they are together and they stay that way. Hopefully, it was playful banter and CBS won't screw up the great thing they have with the Eric and Calleigh relationship.
Anyway, since the episode put me in a bummer mood I've decided to go back to the season 3 finale and write something about back then to lighten my mood…hopefully it works.
Bal Harbour wasn't a place Eric drove to very often, plain and simple. He didn't have anything against the neighborhood, it just wasn't on his usual drive home and very rarely did cases for work lead him here. Tonight, however, wasn't a drive for work nor a detour en route to his house. He had come for a friend, one of the closest he had. Eric didn't believe for one second that Calleigh's reassurance and overuse of the term "I'm okay" was true; no one on Earth witnessed a suicide of an ex-boyfriend and feel secure about it…not even Calleigh Duquesne.
Eric supposed that she would heal with time, she always did, if anything her recovery seemed to speed up after traumatic events. He had almost left work that day, thinking about her and the days many tragedies, only considering the thought of going to check up on her. But before he left, he saw the templates of names on the wall and the positions the CSIs, detectives, etc. held; his eye automatically caught that Calleigh had withdrawn herself from Firearms. Eric could hardly believe what he was seeing, though he knew the cause behind it, everyone had their limits. But Calleigh not being in Firearms was like Saturn without its opulent rings, like seeing the sun set on the mountains and not watch in awe. He compared her passion for guns and ballistics much like his own love affair with the water; being a part from such a ecstasy simply wasn't fathomable or possible…so he had thought.
The moment Eric noticed the absence of the template was the second he made up his mind to make the drive to Calleigh's house. He knew Calleigh was hurting, despite her attempts to hide it, but if she was leaving Firearms then the pain and devastation must have been greater than anything he could have grasped. Realizing this, he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight without worrying about her unless he went to talk to her, face-to-face; a phone call wasn't satisfactory enough in this situation, so the wheels of his car now rolled down the asphalt of the road as he drove down Calleigh's street.
Inside the house, the house Eric hadn't been to in months (maybe years now that he thought about it), all the lights were still on, indicating she was still awake and hadn't retired for the night early. He pulled the handle of the car door and pushed it open, starting up the walkway to Calleigh's house. The closer he got, he realized her main front door was open and the screen door was the only thing standing between her home and the outside world. Eric stepped onto the porch and was about to ring the doorbell when he heard Calleigh's voice emerge from a room passed her foyer, out of his sight.
"Yeah, H, I'm going to be fine," he heard her say. Eric didn't hear Horatio respond, nor did he see his car out front, he knew she had to be on the phone. "Well, you know, it could be worse…yeah, I guess." Eric waited, feeling a tad guilty for eavesdropping on her like this, before hearing her sigh. "No, um, they haven't decided on a date yet, but as soon as I hear about it I'll let you know…I'd appreciate it."
Eric heard the sound of light footsteps and Calleigh came into view from around the corner. She was looking at her feet, an empty coffee mug in hand and her cell phone in the other, held against her ear. She disappeared into her kitchen, Eric hearing the sound of a ceramic mug being placed in the sink and Calleigh saying something to Horatio, though he only heard a few distinguishable words. The words he did catch being "Yelina", "Ray Jr.", and something about the re-arrival of Raymond Caine and if he knew about John's death.
Then she reemerged, this time she saw him, taken aback for all of one second before smiling a weak smile at him, which he returned. She gestured for him to enter through the screen before getting back to her conversation with Horatio, now in the process of drawing it to a close.
"Well, give Yelina my best when you talk to her and I'm really glad your nephew and brother are okay," she smiled into the receiver. But the corners of her mouth declined at something Horatio said; Eric wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light, but he swore he saw her eyes mist over for a moment. "Yes, I swear, I'll be fine…I will, thanks, Horatio…bye."
With that, she snapped her phone closed and placed it on a nearby table. Calleigh dropped her gaze to her bare feet, trying to find stability before meeting Eric's eyes. Calleigh wasn't too surprised to see him there; they had been there to go through some of the motions with her most of the day. He was just outside the door when John, not knowing it was him at the time, put a gun to her head. Eric had been there to help her identify the gun; he had been there when John's body had to be removed from the lab. Eric had stuck with her through it all, of course he would come for a few minutes that night; it was just typical for Eric. But she was coming close to letting her strings of composure loosen and she wasn't prepared to do that in front of anyone, especially now.
She took a deep breath before looking at Eric, applying her best effort to make a believable smile etch on her face.
"I didn't mean to interrupt," Eric said.
"It's okay," Calleigh waved his apology aside. "You want something to drink?" she asked.
"No, thank you. I just wanted to check in and see how you're holding up," he explained, his eyes filled with compassion.
Calleigh pursed her lips, her mind processing emotional pain into unnecessary anger.
"You and a million other people," she grumbled, automatically wanting to kick herself for saying that. If her friends had been put in her position, she knew she'd be checking on them because she cared, like Eric and the rest were caring now; the least she could do was be civil. "I'm sorry," Calleigh whispered, running her hands through her hair in frustration. "It's just been a long day."
"I know," Eric nodded, not seeming at all offended by her remarks; for that, she smiled a grateful smile at him. "So, a lot of people have been calling?" he assumed.
"Yeah, Alexx, Horatio, my dad, Ryan-."
Calleigh stopped when she saw the look in Eric's eyes at the mention of Ryan's name.
"Still angry at him?" Calleigh asked, though Eric's expression answered his question.
"He leaked information to that newscaster."
"I know, but it was a mistake," Calleigh pointed out, the botheration caused by Ryan nothing more than a vague memory. "He's new we need to cut him some slack."
"I think we've given him enough," Eric scoffed, bitterly.
"I know you two haven't hit it off very well," Calleigh sighed. "But I'm sure in time, once Speedle's memory isn't so fresh-."
Calleigh felt her throat get tight, thinking of two lost people at one time gave her another blow to her heart, she took a deep breath, forcing herself to continue.
"Things will get easier and…maybe you two can be friends, or something like close to friends," Calleigh shrugged, her voice rough due to the emotion that was strangling her.
Eric noticed how voice her had changed, he automatically felt awful for bringing up Ryan's mistake after what she had been through that day.
"Sorry, I didn't come here to nag to you about Wolfe," he apologized.
"I know," Calleigh nodded in understanding. "Really, I'm going to be fine."
Eric noticed how she used the phrase "I'm going to be fine" as opposed to the regular "I'm fine."
"Listen, if you need some company, I can stay," Eric offered.
"No, thanks," Calleigh shook her head with a smile. "I'm about to hit the sack anyway, besides work will be waiting for both of us tomorrow, we should rest up."
"You're not coming in, are you?" Eric asked in disbelief.
"Eric, I don't take sick days, why-," Calleigh cut off. She had almost the same exact conversation with John when Janet had been murdered at the hands of a man she and Calleigh had been about to convict. Calleigh could still see the single bullet wound Janet had in her temple, two streaks of blood flowing down her face, which had turned sallow with death
John had been saying how if this murderer was bold enough to go after a prosecutor that he would certainly go after the CSI. John was all but pleading that Calleigh take time off from the investigation to remain safe. He had even gone to the extent of pulling out his cell phone and threatening to get Horatio's opinion on the matter.
"John, put the phone down," she had said. "I've never so much as taken a sick day and I'm not about to start now," Calleigh stated, bravely, through the pain of the loss of her friend.
"Don't you get it?" John had asked in utter disbelief. "He broke out to kill anyone who could hurt him in trial. You're nest, Calleigh," John added, in an attempt to get through to her, to protect her. His attempts failed as she had replied…
"Then so be it, because I'm not leaving the investigation." With that, Calleigh walked away from Janet's corpse…and John.
The memory stung, causing a swelling of emotion to form in her throat. Reflecting on the situation now, she should have known it wasn't just a colleague's concern right then, John was actually concerned about her safety and wellbeing.
Calleigh looked at her feet, fighting to keep her composure, as she swallowed the lump. She looked at Eric with a grin.
"I'll be fine," she promised.
"You sure?" he asked.
"Yeah," Calleigh nodded. "Something's you just can't change and…you just got to accept that and move on."
"I guess your right," Eric sighed. "But moving on isn't always easy."
"No, but it's not as hard as staying put," she pointed out. "So for me, it would just be easier to head back to work and see how everything goes."
He should have known she'd say something like that, Calleigh never missed a day of work, no matter the reason. Eric nodded, only in understanding, not in approval. He hoped, though he knew his wish was in vain, that Calleigh would sleep on the decision to take a few days off for herself and get her thoughts in order; no one needed to worry about solving another persons death after just witnessing one. But trying to convince her otherwise was a battle already lost on his part and she did look like that she needed a goodnights rest, something she wouldn't achieve if he stood there in her foyer all night.
"Listen," Calleigh said, breaking the silence. "I appreciate you stopping by. That's very sweet."
"It's no problem. You'd do the same for me," Eric grinned at her before gently placing his hands on her elbows, her still crossed arms relaxing slightly under his touch. "You call me day or night if you need anything."
Calleigh looked into Eric's eyes, a light mist brewing in her eyes that couldn't be mistaken as the beginnings of tears.
"I will," she smiled, weakly as she placed her hands on his hips.
They embraced each other; her cheek rested against his chest as he gently ran his hand up and down her spine. Calleigh allowed the moment of comfort, knowing that if she didn't receive any from at least one person she knew cared for her that she wouldn't be able to make it through the night without losing her mind to disheartening thoughts.
"Eric?" she asked, not loosening her arms from around his torso.
"Yeah?"
Calleigh took a ragged breath, about to ask a question in which she would only ask to this man who held her now.
"Do you think I could have prevented this?" she asked, water burning in her eyes.
Calleigh felt something soft touch her hair, possibly Eric's lips, she wasn't certain. Whatever it was, it sent a warm shiver down her spine, kindling her otherwise frigid body.
"He was hurting too much, Cal," Eric whispered. "No one could have stopped this, no one could have helped him."
Calleigh had known this was the truth from the moment all the pieces of this puzzle came together, she just needed to be sure her idea of the truth was the actual truth and Eric's words confirmed that. But the truth was a double-edged sword that slowly penetrated her heart. She took a diminutive amount of comfort in knowing that nothing she did or said could change the outcome of John's choices; he had been hurting due to Raymond Caine's "death" long before they had ever started their relationship. But the fact that he had been hurting enough to commit such an act was enough to make Calleigh feel as though she had been getting shot repeatedly herself. Without realizing it, Calleigh felt tears roll from her eyes.
Eric felt her shoulders quivering with sobs and saltwater soaking into his shirt. Calleigh crying in front of him was a rare sight, but not one he was a stranger to, so he felt no sense of awkwardness to hold her as she let herself release the smallest bit of pain she was concealing.
"His blood was still on the ceiling in the lab," Calleigh choked out, the recollection of the droplet of blood falling from the season onto her pristine lab coat creeping into her mind. She didn't know why she was telling Eric this, she didn't know why she felt comfortable telling him this, but she was and the memory made even more tears stream down her face.
Eric didn't know if he could really say anything to ease Calleigh's pain or draw her mind from such a traumatizing event, sometimes the best thing you could say to a person is something that a voice box can't create. But he felt the need to say something and let her know one person was listening, someone who cared about her pain.
"I'm really sorry, Cal," he whispered, hating to see one of the strongest women he knew hurting so much. Thinking about the situation logically, if Calleigh could normally deal with pain and drama that most would instantly fall apart at then how much could she be hurting if she was breaking down?
Calleigh leaned out of Eric's arms, their arms still around one another, hoping she didn't scare him with her unexpected release of the waterworks. On his shirt were two black smudges, no doubt where her tears had combined with flakes of her mascara and landed on his shirt. She lightly brushed her fingers over the damp fabric.
"Sorry," she whispered, a light smile on her face.
"Don't be," Eric told her, softly.
Calleigh nodded with a chuckle.
"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" Calleigh asked.
"Bright and early," Eric promised.
"Thanks, Eric. Thanks for everything today," Calleigh said, graciously. She honestly had no idea how she could have survived this day without him. He had been the one with her seconds after she had been held at gunpoint and he had gone through the entire catalogue of revolvers with her to identify the one that could have killed her. Eric had been the first and only CSI by her side after John took his own life and how he was here in her house to comfort her, even though she was certain he had better things to do. Calleigh couldn't remember the last time someone went out of their way to such an extent to console her; she couldn't deny that God broke the mold when he made Eric Delko.
"Anytime," Eric assured her, their arms slowly releasing the others body, but their hands interlocking.
They walked towards the door, Calleigh pulling open the screen for Eric and her to walk out of. They both stood under the porch light, the glow illuminating their features. Eric could clearly see the dark smears under Calleigh's eyes from the makeup and the other darkness under her eyes that had been caused by sleep deprivation. Her whole face was weary and Eric knew, despite the fact he felt she shouldn't have to be alone during this time, that he had to say goodbye to let her get some well deserved rest.
"Goodnight," he whispered to her, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze.
"Goodnight," Calleigh nodded, feeling Eric's warm hand leave hers as he walked down the steps and down the path to his car. He dug the keys out of his pocket and opened the driver's side door, then he turned back to her, she could still see the familiar concern imbedded in his eyes even from the distance they were standing.
"You going to be okay?" he called up to her.
"Aren't I always?" Calleigh replied with a question and a smile, one that didn't feel urge to form but came as naturally as breathing.
She heard Eric chuckled and nod before sliding into his car. He closed the door and seconds later Calleigh felt the soft purr of the engine. She smiled to herself and turned on her heel to head back inside.
But before she even had on foot in the doorway she heard two light beeps of a car horn behind her. Calleigh looked around to see Eric, his window on in the car rolled down, waving at her with a warm smile as he pulled up the road.
Calleigh waved at him from her door, watching until his taillights disappeared into the darkness and she could see him no longer. But even though Eric wasn't there, his comfort remained and for the first time since John's suicide, Calleigh felt like she was actually going to get through it.
Oh, why
That's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul
God only knows what went wrong
And why
You would leave the stage in the middle of a song
-Rascal Flatts 'Why'
