Edited 8/9/13-This was my first fanfiction, and it shows. I wrote this, like, four years ago. For the sake of preserving one of my first attempts at writing, I only intend to edit some grammar stuff. Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed/Favorited/followed! You guys have been overwhelmingly encouraging and I will forever be grateful for your help in my journey as a writer. I believed in myself because of your responses, so thanks.
Disclaimer- I don't own any of these characters.
It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in her shoe, something borrowed, something blue
ooo
"Zach, Zach! Hold on, you can make it, I know you will!" I said with a half-hearted optimistic voiced. The truth was that I was in major, major denial.
I looked down at the man in my arms, the pale face that once was always plastered with a cocky grin or an expression so deep, I sometimes got lost. But now, his face was pained but still peaceful, his green eyes so dark that they were coming close to black. I tried to keep my eyes on the beautiful face I had come to love so much, and not the steady out-poor of red coming out of his strong chest.
"Cam...Cam I love you," he croaked.
"Zach, no you don't you can't leave me, not now! Please, please don't leave me," I sobbed as I clutched him to me.
"Cam, I love you, I always have..."
"Oh Zach, I love you too, I-"
"Gallagher Girl, promise me something."
"Anything, Zach."
"Don't forget about us... okay? And..." He said, gasped, fighting for air. "Don't blame yourself, because I love you too much for you to- to do that."
"Okay Zach, I promise," I said, nodding, the tears refusing to stop.
"Good," he said, and with his last breath, he lightly touched my lips with his, and we then went limp in my arms.
ooo
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down, trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard the trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand
ooo
"Now calm down, I- Ow, I need sedatives, NOW!"
"Zach! Where's my husband?!" I screamed, not even thinking about the poor medic and the wrist I just broke on one of the nurses.
"Mrs. Goode, I-"
"Where's Zach? " I whispered as the world faded to black, and the last thing I saw in my mind was his face, the last thing I felt were his arms enveloping me, telling it was going to be okay...
But with him gone, nothing will be okay again.
ooo
Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, but now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying 'he's not coming home now'
This can't be happening to me...
This is just a dream
ooo
I sat in the front row, as the preacher told everyone things that they already know about Zach. About my husband. How great he was, how talented, how loyal, how sweet... But they'll never know like I do.
He's gone, he's really gone.
I looked at the picture that sat atop an empty casket. It was of Zach when we were younger. He was in a Blackthorne suit, his whole face lit up by his laugh, just like it did on our wedding day. I didn't cry, I didn't weep. I just stared into space, thinking of him, wondering why the universe-God, whoever-let him go.
ooo
The preacher man said 'Let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt'
And then the congregation all stood up and sang
The saddest song she'd ever heard
And then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart
ooo
"Push!" I heard Bex scream at me eight months later.
It seemed strange, how I was on that horrible mission, two weeks pregnant, only months ago. And then there I was, having Zach's baby without him.
"Bex, I can't do it, I can't!" I panted.
"Okay, Cam," she said, her accent heavy. "You get that bloody baby out of there, okay? I know you can do it." She paused, and like an afterthought, she added, "Do it for Zach."
That gave me the courage I needed.
An hour later, I held my little miracle in my arms.
"Cammie, she looks like her daddy," my mom whispered as she looked down at her.
Normally, something like that would make me cry, sob until my tear ducts were bone dry,but it was nice to remember Zach. Like he was still alive, still out in the world, fighting to get to me.
"Yeah, she does," I said as I stroked the dark brown hair of my baby.
"What are you going to name her?" Bex asked.
"Emmy," I whispered.
"What's that stand for?"
"Emerald," I said with a grin, and they all knew what it meant. The color of Zach's eyes. Bex rolled her eyes, and Liz seemed to burst from out of no where with a huge 'aww!' but all I could do was grin. For a second, I looked over to my right, where Zach usually was whenever I ended up in the hospital, but...
Of course, he wasn't there.
ooo
She comes with me on your birthday
Little flowers in her hands
She's always known there's something missing
But to young to understand
And someday she's going to ask me
What kind of man you were
I'll tell her all the ways I loved you
And all of you I see in her
And even though I cry like crazy
even though it hurts so bad
I'm thankful for the love god gave me
And she's the perfect way to make it last
I'm Learning how to live without you
Baby I don't want to
But even with you gone
Love lives on
ooo
"Mommy, where are we going?"
"Somewhere special, kiddo."
Emmy grabbed my hand, the one that wasn't holding the picture. I looked down at her, and she looked up, green eyes shining. She looked so pretty, with her caramel colored curls spilling down her back, and, with Zach's eyes, I saw more of him in her every day.
It had been about six years since Zach was here, and it was his birthday.
We walked over the graveyard, it's cold gray headstones spreading over the extensive grounds. Like all graveyards, and it had that sad, gloomy feeling. But when Emmy let go of my hand and started skipping, the daisies in her hand bouncing like her hair, it didn't feel so sad anymore.
I finally got to where he had been buried after the CIA found the body, where he was buried. I stooped down to read the inscription on the stone; 'Zachary Goode, beloved husband and friend, son and father'. I smiled at the last part, they had put it there after I found out I was pregnant. It was the right thing to do, because he will always be her daddy.
"Mommy, who's that?" She said pointing to the picture in my hand.
It was of Zach, the same one that had sat on his casket the day of the funeral. I used to curse this picture, wishing that he was the same cocky, strong Zach that I had fallen for all of those years ago. But now, I cherished it, remembering him the way he used to be, like he would want me to do.
I sat down on the soft grass in front of the stone, and Emmy came and sat down on my lap, lightly setting the daisies in front of the stone.
"Mommy, who IS that?" She asked again, beginning to get more inpatient, reminding me that I had forgotten to answer her question.
"Oh Emmy," I whispered, "This is your daddy."
"Really?"
"Yes."
I sat the picture by the stone. It was no longer the same it was still cold and gray, but, with the picture, had a little more of Zach.
"Mommy, how did you meet Daddy?" I knew that she would ask it eventually, because she's going to be a little spy one day, she even found out about my job before she turned four…
"Well, it was this mission…"
I told her about that cold day in Washington, about how Zach had bested me in a mission that I thought I had in the bag. I told her about how he offered me candy, and finally, how when he came out of the shadows, and how I knew that I had already fallen a little bit in love with him.
Her round face shone as I told the story, her eyes as green as his, and it was almost like he was there beside us.
Because even after he was gone, our love lived on.
