"Dear friends and family of the deceased..." A toad wearing a tuxedo said as he stepped up to the podium. Almost all of the mushroom kingdom sat in the crowd at the funeral, Peach and Daisy in the very front. "Thank you all for coming to celebrate the death...no, life. That's a nasty typo on my card there. The life of Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, who were tragically killed by a strange flying metal man from another dimension. And...that's all I got. If anyone has anything to say about these two brave plumbers, speak now or forever hold you...wait, this isn't a wedding..." The confused Toad walked away as Princess Peach and Daisy took the stand.
Daisy stepped up first. "I just want to say, even though I'm pretty much an unknown character, that I'll truly miss my dear Luigi... I remember the first day we met. I think we played golf... he hit me in the head with a golf ball. Though I had a concussion, I do remember him riding in the mushroom shaped ambulance with me to the hospital. It was there we made sweet love, and at one point, had a threesome with a koopa who was in the bed next to us."
"Okay, I think...it's my turn." Peach said as she pushed Daisy away a bit, worried for the kids in the crowd. "This is a letter that I never got to send to Mario, 'cause you know...I write him letters all the time. 'Dear Mario, please come to the castle. I baked a cake. Princess Peach.'" Everyone stared at her. "What, he liked cake."
Iron Man flew in quickly and looked around. "I am Iron Man, and geez, who died? You all look so-" He quickly noticed the two caskets. "Ohhhhh...right, I totally killed those two, didn't I?"
"YOU?" A deep voice said from the crowd. Suddenly Bowser jumped up and landed next to him. "You killed them?" He asked angrily. But then a second later he suddenly started shaking Iron Man's hand. "THANK YOU, I've been tryin' to kill those bastards for years, wish I knew about you earlier!"
"Yeah, you're welcome there giant dinosaur turtle thing. Now fuck off, you're scaring me." Iron Man quickly noticed Peach and Daisy. "Well hello." He started to head towards them, but shoved them away and kept walking. Apparently someone he wanted was behind them...a Pink Yoshi. "Hey there, hot stuff. Mind if I ride you?" The Yoshi tried to get away, but Iron Man landed on top of... him and crushed him. "HI HO YOSHI! Yoshi?" He looked down. "Oh, I killed you... oh well, at least this is a funeral." He grabbed the body and tossed it into Luigi's casket. "BYE!" Iron Man quickly flew away.
Bowser waved goodbye to his new hero and then quickly turned to the crowd. "Alright, losers, now that these two are dead... TIME TO RULE, BICHES!"
And so, the Mushroom Kingdom was sent spiraling into a massive depression. Everyone was a slave to King Bowser or Koopa or whatever, and only he was happy. So really, it's a happy ending... you know, for him.
