Monster

Summary: It started with a fight. Sam has a number of bruises on her body but not for your typical reason, eventual Seddie.

Chapter One – The beginning

Sam, Carly, and Freddie lounged in the iCarly studio one Friday evening. Randomly, Carly announced, "I have to use the bathroom. Don't kill each other," as she flounced out.

"Fredturd," Sam commanded, "Pass me a fatshake! It's by your laptop."

Freddie groaned, "Ugh, Sam, get it yourself. I'm kinda busy here rewiring the-"

"No one cares," Sam interrupted as she tried to grab the fatshake accidentally spewing pink liquid all over Freddie's equipment. 'Oh no,' she thought. For the past months, every insult, bruise, beating she'd given to Freddie were slowly eating at her. Making her feel guilty, horribly, terribly guilty. Most days she ignored the guilt and others she felt nauseous. She was really, really trying to work on her anger so this guilt thing would go away. But sometimes, she just slipped.

Freddie cried, "SAM! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?"

Sam began, "Sorry, it was an-"

Freddie snarled, "This was so accident and you know it. God, you're horrible!"

Sam, angry, replied, "Well you're an idiotic nerd and I didn't mean to-"

Freddie continued, "You're ALWAYS pranking me, ALWAYS hurting me, ALL THE TIME! I hate you, I hate you I swear! No one likes you, because you-you manipulate, you destroy, you ruin EVERYTHING! It took me 3 years to get that equipment and you ruined it all in one stupid PRANK! Everybody's going to leave you, Puckett! Just like your Dad and your sister! You know why? Because you're a bitch, a demon, a devil. YOU'RE A MONSTER! Because monsters destroy and wreck until they destroy themselves!"

Sam felt her breath get heavy and her eyes got itchy. All the guilt was eating ate her freshly with Freddie's harsh words. Tears began to flow down her face as she, oddly enough, accepted his words as the truth. She whimpered, "You're right. I'm a monster."

Freddie felt immediately guilty but the damage was done. The beginning of the downward spiral of Samantha Puckett was just beginning, and nobody even had a clue.

"Sam, I-" Freddie began, but Sam already sprinted out of the iCarly studio, down the steps, and out of Bushwell, her sobs echoing through the stairwell and maximized in Freddie's ears.

Sam thought, 'He's so right. All I ever do is hurt people. Carly, Melanie, Gibby, Dad, of course Freddie, Spencer, and M-Mom too. Nobody loves me. Nobody loves me.' Sam finally reached her empty house. On the table was the large sum of money her mom left her before the incident that fateful Tuesday.

Sam immediately turned off her phone and dove into the couch, dissolving into a deep sleep…

Sam stood alone wearing a white robe in a completely white room. "Mom? Dad?" she called, "Hello?" She heard a murmur of voices.

"Sam," they grumbled, "Sam, Sam, SAM!" The voices solidified into a large gaggle of faces. First was Gibby's round face, full of bruises left there by Sam (A/N. Beware, this dream is creepy and also note that the some bruises are metaphorical representations of insults as well which is a bruise on an ego, self-esteem etc. Also, Sam dramatizes the bruises and makes them seem worse than they actually were but the guilt inside of her makes them more dramatic.)

Gibby murmured, "You've hurt me, Sam. Like those Texas wedgies. You can't fix it, ever. These will remain forever and it's all your fault." Sam felt her breath catch as she tried to examine him but his face quickly morphed into Carly's face.

Her porcelain skin was full of mellower bruises, "See these bruises Sam? You never hit me or insulted me, but you've everyone I love. And that hurts me, Sam. Just leave everyone alone. It's all your fault, and you can't fix it. You can never fix it."

"Carly," Sam tried, but her voice wouldn't work for some reason.

Carly continued as she faded away, "Sometimes I wish we never met. You can't fix it. Can't fix it. Can't fix it."

Her father's face came into view, his full of scars and blood. He growled, "Sam, remember that horrible fight your mother and I had? The one before the accident? When you got lost at the park with me? Your mom never forgave me. Then you tried to fix everything then before we knew what happened, I tried to push you away from that truck and…I didn't make it. Don't you see, you can't fix this either, I'm gone and it's all your fault. All your fault. All your fault."

Sam was sobbing as her father faded but her voice was unable to work. She tried to scream out to him but her attempts were fruitless. Her father morphed into Melanie's face which was covered in tiny cuts and welts. "Sam," she whispered, "You hurt me Sam, all the time. Like when we shared a bed as kids and you always kicked me off? Or when you spread that rumor that I was a lesbian and nobody talked to for a month? And when we were little and you fought me for the last cookie in the jar and I ended up with a black eye and you got the chocolate chip cookie? Did you even care? Because even though you can't fix it, you should at least tried to."

Sam reached for her sister's face but it altered into the familiar, clear, heartbroken face of her mother. Her mother with short, choppy blonde locks. Sam was barely able to croak, "Mom," before her mother silenced her with a look.

"Sam, she began, "Where do I begin? You always were a disappointment. You hurt me Sam because, you didn't care about me. Like, when I was hung-over or those guys left me or I was just depressed, you were never there for me. You just went off to Carly's, escaping me. You're grades, your persona, everything about you just brought me shame. And that's why I really did it. That's why I overdosed, because you hurt me too much to live anymore."

Sam was a waterfall as waves of tears trickled down her face and down her skin. Then, the final face emerged in front of her. He had brown hair and chocolate eyes. He looked horrible. His eyes were pained and his face was written on in black marker and his face was purple with bruises. Blood ran down the side of his face and his lip was bloody as well. The lettering on his face was all the insults Sam had thrown at him through the years. From techboy to Fredlame, every name, every jeer, every taunt was covering his face.

His gentle voice was full of hurt. "Sam, you are hell defined as a person. You have completely destroyed me. You always call me horrible names and make me feel less than a human being. You joke that I'm your little punching bag and it's true. You hit me, kick me, beat me up, and treat me like I'm nothing. Not even worthy of your presence. You really are a monster. And you know I'll come back to you, like I always do, but we both know I'll always hate you. It's just to make Carly hurt less, but I never forgive you, I never will. Because monsters can't fix, they only destroy. You can't fix me, or anyone else. You can't fix anything. Ever. Can't fix it."

Sam clutched her knees and wept but suddenly she felt herself falling into a deep, black abyss. Everyone's voices clouded as they repeated themselves and grew louder, larger, and closer to her. He felt her clothing stained with everyone's bruises as they seemed to fall on her, weighing her down a thousand pounds. She could hear liquid at the bottom of the abyss and turned to see a lake of everyone's blood that she had spilled (internally and externally) waiting for her. Her voice seemingly returned out of nowhere as she screamed, "I can fix it, I will fix it, I can fix it, I will fix it!"

Sam jerked awake, screaming and holding her legs. Tears ran down her face but she didn't bother to wipe them. She whimpered, "I will fix it. I promise. I can fix this."

Without thinking, and still in a dreamlike manner, Sam glanced at her own arm. She thought, 'What right does my arm deserve to perfect and smooth and clean while all their faces, all of them, I did that to them. With this arm. This stupid, horrible, wicked-' WHACK! Sam whacked her right arm with all her might. She clutched it and cried at the pain. But for some reason, Sam felt like it was deserved. She murmured, "I deserve this. I'm a monster. This will make the monster go away."

She glanced at her other arm in horror and hit it against a wall until a large, purplish bruise formed beneath her skin. Sam almost grinned, satisfied, and clawed at her arms. Sam repeated all these actions to both arms until they were both aching and she was crying and they were covered in bruises and blood.

Then, the heavy weight in her heart, felt the teensiest, tiniest, littlest bit better.