They thought it would last forever. But as all that thought that… They were wrong.
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He absentmindedly stared at the same piece of paper he had been staring at half an hour ago; Xu became worried since it was only asking him to accept the vacation leave of a Cafeteria Lady. Until of course some one brought it upon herself to rouse the Commander…
"Squall, are you okay?" She asked, concerned about his well being. Xu fidgeted for a moment as Squall looked up and nodded. Something was wrong with those greenish gray eyes of his, she couldn't tell what it was but they sure were dull lately. In a few minutes time, he did sign the document, quite leisurely compared to the others he signed months ago. He rested his chin on both hands and pondered on something. Xu sighed and told him, "You can talk to me if anything's wrong Squall…"
"As if I would talk to you about my problems…" He said bleakly. "Yeah, figured as much.. But seriously, if you need someone to talk to I'm just outside." She said twisting the door knob. The ceremonious click woke something up in him, for he said, "Hey wait!" She looked back, with a knowing smile…
"Thanks Xu…"
"There we go… And I believe the Headmaster wouldn't mind you having a day off today, considering today's Sunday."
HE smiled and replied, "I guess I need it… I think I'm gonna to Balamb or whatever city we're near to… What about you?" The smile surprised her, but she immediately returned it with her own, "I guess I'll stay here…"
He thought for a while before asking her, "Wanna join me?"
Xu laughed and said, "Ultemicia really did change you guys, huh? No thanks though… Have to go see Sara…"
"Okay, see ya then."
Once she left, he took the gloves he was wearing, revealing more than a few cuts on his hands. He stared at them for a while, before opening a drawer and pulling out some alcohol. He poured the drink on his hands, feeling the immediate sting of them. HE returned the bottle and then locked the drawer, stood up and left the hell hole that he had been in since this morning.
And maybe this is the last time I'll see this place…
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He passed by a few of his friends, but ignored them as they did. He went straight to the parking lot, not surprised to see his car with a note stuck to the windshield regarding his now former friends. He knew who it was from and just threw it in the back of his car once he got in. HE started the engine, and before long was on his way to Galbadia.
Have I become this much of a recluse to actually not care about that letter?
Yep we have said a voice in his head. It's their entire fault anyway, so why should we care, right? … You are an idiot.. You should have just thrown it on the floor… If they come to check, at least there's a chance of them thinking you didn't see it…
He had that voice there since before, when he first heard it, he thought he had become crazy, and with a few tests, yes he was at least half crazy. Schizophrenic, he was. The shrink said, that he didn't need immediate medical attention but warned him to be careful of the voice. He used to be able to block it out, but with his supreme alone time, he needed that voice to keep him as sane as he is now.
I guess you're right… But I really should read that letter… I think it's about something important.
Fine do what you want… just stop first.. I don't want to die yet…
"Whatever" he said out loud. He pulled over near the city and then reached for the letter. He opened it and read:
Dear Squall. Leonhart
I hate you. Yeah you saw it right, I hate you. It's really none of what you do… It's just who you are.
You are a self centered annoying frustrating piece of shit. You don't know what you have till it's gone right? Guess what you should cause I'm gone. You are an annoying bastard who knows nothing of life and how to appreciate it.
You say you're misunderstood, but how can you not be? You tell others to fuck off when they try to help you. You lie to them and manipulate them. Just like what you did to us.
You felt like the replacement? HELL… We were your replacements for Sis…
He stopped reading the piece of paper; I don't need this now… damn her…
Well she was sorta right you know?
No I don't. I never know, remember? Because no one ever tells me anything… And shut up or we'll both die…
Whatever.. your loss.
He opened the door and fumbled around one of his pockets for a lighter before he got out of the car. The letter still on his hand, he lit it up in flames. He reached for a pack of cigarettes that lay in his inside pocket. He dropped the flaming piece of paper down the ocean, lit a cigarette, watching the water suddenly extinguish the flames before devouring it into the depths of the Galbadian Sea… Oh how he wanted the flames within him to be extinguished by some miraculous water… There are no such things as miracles, remember?
Yeah.. whatever…
He thought about actually jumping down from the cliff to the water… He released a puff of smoke before he pressed the killer roll of paper and plant, what Zell had called cigarettes, onto his palm. He winced as the cigarette burned through his flesh, leaving a indelible mark. He went back into his car and turned the car on… His phone rang, he ignored it as he thought it was just the Garden calling him back…
He said, "What the heck… Who cares right?" before flooring the gas pedal and falling into the uncouth darkness that lay many feet below him.
-----
Now where are they now? I asked myself, I was looking around for my two best friends
Geez… If I see Quisty making out with Seifer again.. I'm gonna die.. And to think they said me and Irvine were so bad… I involuntarily shuddered at the thought of what Squall had told me about Irvine. I didn't believe it, obviously, but I still had my doubts… What if he was right?
I shook the thought from her head, trying to concentrate on finding Quistis and Rinoa. It's sorta weird though… We were trying to get Squall to open up to us last year… but know we're ignoring him? I don't get it.. What is Quistis and Rinoa thinking! I cursed under my breath, yes, Selphie Tilmitt does curse.. So don't make a big deal out of it…
I walked through the crowded corridors. I wondered why it was so packed, but remembered that it was lunch break…
"That's it! They're probably in the canteen!" I said, skipping to the caf.
Trying to get there, I swear, I almost got trampled either by the women chasing Irvine around (rather the other way around) or by Zell trying to get to many hotdogs at once. Sure enough I did see them lounging about in the SeeD room. Zell did have a stack of his favorite hotdogs, Irvine looked winded, Quistis… Well never mind about her… Rinoa was probably the only one who looked normal from five of them.. Five.. yes five I believe I can still count.. I just didn't mention the other blond that was sitting where Squall usually sat…
"Hey.. I thought only SeeDs were allowed in here?" I said, referring to the 6 foot tall blond. He smirked, I rolled my eyes at his arrogance. Irvine motioned for me to sit beside him… But the moment I got close to him, he reeked of alcohol. I reluctantly stayed in my place, not wanting to get a not only drunken Irvine, but a mad drunken Irvine.
Zell munched on his food monstrously, similar to how a T-Rexaur looks like while trying to eat a baby dragon. I guess he always was oblivious to the things happening around him, "So Rin, how's Squall?" He asked, perhaps forgetting that they were actually fighting. Rinny shrugged it off, not answering..
Seifer answered it for her, "Oh.. Commander-Puberty? Oh he's doing great you know.. Locking himself in his little hellhole of an office. Drinking his nights and days away, pretty much like Irvine, actually." He said pointing at Irvine who immediately retorted, "Ay'm naw druunkk.. Yuh juz wanna provoke meee.."
He definitely was drunk.. I mean how do you slur those words without being drunk? Wait.. Now that I think of it… No.. I must be imagining things.. Was Seifer trying to make Rinny and Quisty guilty bout Squall? No way… He must have some ulterior motives…
"Hey Seif, since when did you know so much bout Leonhart anyway?" Quistis asked, the way she said Leonhart was way too venomous to believe… I guess they really weren't joking when they say she's the Ice Queen…
Seifer leaned back, head in his arms with closed eyes and said, "Oh just a while ago.. Have you see the way he drives? It just sucks now.. You can probably get drunk with just the smell of him around.. Wait that sounded wrong… In other words, what I'm saying is that he's definitely gonna die early, I mean he drinks and he smokes way too much… Way too early for even SeeD." He still wasn't looking at anyone. He smokes? No one ever told me about that…
"Wait a minute he smokes?" I said, but the way everyone else was looking at me was asking, 'You didn't know?'… Suddenly a few chimes sounded, signaling an incoming P.A.
Xu's tense voice rang through the whole garden as she said, "Sara Matthews, Sefier Almasy, Selphie Tilmitt, Quistis Trepe, Irvine Kinneas, Zell Dincht…" She seemed to hesitate at saying the last name, "and Rinoa Heartily, you are needed at the bridge ASAP."
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