Disclaimer: Surprise, surprise enterprise does not belong to me etc. etc.

Many thank to Kat for the beta





He woke to the feel of her skin pressed against his back. For a second he was confused, then he remembered. She'd come to his quarters last night, breathless, confused. There had been something strange and fierce in her eyes that he'd never seen before. She'd tried to speak but hadn't made any sense. Her speech was wild and fragmented. Then he'd stepped toward her, worried, and she'd practically hurled herself at him and started to kiss him. He'd known something was wrong, that she wasn't herself. He'd known but it hadn't mattered. He should have pushed her away, called Phlox, done something. Instead, he'd returned the embrace, let her pull him down onto the bed, and lost himself in his desire. God help him he'd never wanted anyone so badly, and now he would have to face her.

Slowly he lifted himself off the bed, trying not to wake her. He pulled on his clothes and stepped back over toward the bed, looking down at her. He was struck, not only by her beauty, but her fragility. He'd never imagined that she could look this vulnerable. She was always so strong and self possessed. But, as she lay sleeping, all that toughness vanished. He could almost forget she was a Vulcan. He felt a sudden rush of guilt. How could he have taken advantage of her like that? He couldn't bear the thought of having hurt her, or of having damaged the trust and friendship which they had built up over the past year. He briefly considered just leaving, going up to the bridge and putting off the inevitable conversation for a little longer. Now, looking down at her he knew he couldn't do that. He had to sort things out and make things right again, somehow.

He reached over and touched her cheek, whispering her name. He felt her jolt awake and pulled his hand away. She sat up slowly, pulling the sheet around herself. For a long time she just stared at him, her gaze as unreadable as ever. At last he could stand it no longer. "T'Pol... Are you aright."

"I believe so Captain."

What was that supposed to mean? "Look, I'm sorry, I just..."

"Your apology is unnecessary captain, now if you will excuse me I must return to my quarters. Our shift starts in twenty minutes." She slipped into her uniform while he stared at her in astonishment.

She was half way to the door before he gave voice to the question that had been bothering him since he woke up.

"T'Pol what the hell just happened?"

She stopped but did not turn to face him. "We can speak about it later, I must return to my quarters."

If he hadn't known better, he could have sworn she was flustered.



***

She was avoiding him, he could tell. All day she'd been the perfect model of Vulcan composure, calm, collected and hardworking. She'd managed to avoid any kind of contact with him beyond what was strictly necessary for her work. Yet sometimes he would feel her eyes on him. When he looked she would turn swiftly away and return to her work. The whole day he'd been more aware of her than usual. He couldn't stop thinking about her, watching her. He could feel every move she made. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could stand.

When she came off duty she went straight to her quarters, slipping out before he had a chance to speak to her. He stood indecisively, looking after her, unsure whether or not to follow her. He couldn't face another awkward conversation like this morning; but he needed to know whether she was angry with him. He needed to know what she was feeling. Most of all, he needed to know what had happened to her. Her behaviour last night had frightened him and her reluctance to talk about it only worried him more. He realised that he really knew very little about Vulcans. They were a private people and he'd never bothered to try and find out about them. He'd always been content merely to hate them and remain in ignorance. He knew vaguely that there were occasions when they were unable to control their emotions but his knowledge was limited.

"Captain?" He jumped as a sudden voice interrupted his reflections. He turned to see Hoshi standing beside him, a slightly worried expression on her face.

"Are you alright Captain? You've been standing there, not moving for the past five minutes.âE?

"Yeah, I'm fine, I was just thinking about something."

"Are you sure, you've been kind of distracted all day."

"Am I really that easy to read."

She nodded with a slight smile. "So you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't know.. Hoshi, how much do you know about Vulcans?"

She looked surprised. "As much as anyone knows I guess. Why? Is something wrong with T'Pol?"

"Oh don't worry. Its nothing, forget I asked." And with that he turned and set off down the corridor, leaving Hoshi staring after him, puzzled.

***

He stood outside her quarters, trying to summon up the courage to enter. This was getting ridiculous. Here he was, a starship captain, hanging around outside his first officer's quarters like a lovesick teenager. If it had been anyone else, he would have laughed. Why was he so afraid? What did he think she was going to do? She didn't seem to be blaming him, so why was he blaming himself? It wasn't really a question of blame. Deep down, he didn't want to sort things out with her, because until she told him otherwise, he could keep kidding himself that she'd wanted it too. He could keep clinging to the idea that it had been something wonderful, something special. He didn't want to hear her tell him that she'd been under some kind of influence because then he would know that it wasn't real. But it wasn't and the sooner he accepted that and sorted things out with her the better. With a sudden burst of resolve, he stepped forward and pressed the chime. He didn't even wait for her to respond but went straight in.

To his surprise, she wasn't meditating. Instead she was sitting on the floor by her bed, just watching the door. He got the strange feeling that she'd known he was there the whole time and had been waiting for him. She looked tired and worn. He could see dark circles under her eyes and almost feel her distress. If she had been anyone else he would have thought she had been crying. That was impossible of course, Vulcans didn't cry. In that instant, all his carefully prepared speech deserted him and he had to fight the impulse just to wrap his arms around her and take away her pain. Instead he stood in silence looking at her, trying to find the right words to say. In the end it was she that spoke first. The words were low and she carefully averting her eyes.

"Captain I believe I owe you an explanation for my behaviour last night."

"Yeah, that would be a start."

"I believe I once told you that Vulcans mate only once every seven years. We have developed rudimentary control over our physical desires but this control is imperfect. Every seven years we are driven to mate. The need is overwhelming and leaves no room for rational thought."

"T'Pol, I'm sorry, I knew it was something like that, that you weren't yourself. I should have stopped you. I shouldn't have let it happen."

"I can hardly blame you for that. I did not expect you to resist, given the circumstances."

"Are you saying that humans can't control themselves then?"

She sighed deeply and said wearily. "I did not mean to imply that. I am merely saying that I do not blame you for what happened. You only acted as you thought right."

He instantly felt guilty for snapping at her. She wasn't to blame for any of this. Of course when it came down to it, she was right, he hadn't been thinking, he'd let himself get carried away by his desire for her and hadn't stopped to worry about the consequences. In other words he'd just confirmed all her worst views of humanity.

"No T'pol, you were right the first time, I didn't think at all. I shouldn't have attacked you for telling the truth."

For the first time, she looked up at him, meeting his gaze directly. "You are not to blame. Pon Farr can sometimes affect people in that way. Besides if you hadn't responded the way you did, I could have died."

"You what!! T'Pol what do you mean?"

"If the desire is not satisfied, the fever can prove fatal."

"So what, you could have died? Weren't you prepared? Don't your people have anyway of dealing with this?"

"I was not expecting it so soon. The cycle can be somewhat unpredictable among the young. If I had remained on Vulcan I would have been bonded by this time. I did not anticipate the problem arising so soon."

"But you still stayed here, even though you could have died? Where's the logic in that?"

She didn't answer but continued to stare at the ground. Suddenly he couldn't bear to be here any longer, couldn't take the heat and the awkward silences and her evident discomfort talking to him. As if she could feel his frustration she stood up and spoke decisively.

"I need to meditate, if you wish we can continue this discussion at a later date, although I cannot see how this would prove necessary. The situation is unlikely ever to arise again."

He couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed at this rebuff. However he nodded and slipped quickly outside, trying to shake the feeling that there was something she was hiding from him.