A/N: This is one those ideas where it came to me sounding off really dark and I wanted to portray it out like that; it wouldn't be the first one to cross my path to be quite honest. It's also one where I could leave it like it is or take it off some place unknown. It feels like I haven't typed them in forever, so I'm trying to get back into how their characters function and set up a different viewpoint. Maybe. Probably not. I mean, I do enjoy both aspects of this couple, to a certain degree of course.
It was a simple mission at most. Or at least that's how it should've been and should have stayed.
She was given control over a small group of Division members to step into the human world for researching purposes; it was an easy routine for them although it didn't really provide much of the information they were looking for … most of the people who accompanied her seemed to merely enjoy the break and change of environment. She kept her mind on the given task and made sure not to let herself become distracted like they did.
… She didn't remember a lot after that.
She remembered hearing the muttering in the Fourth Division corridors and picking up a few words now and again… none of it made any sense to her though. Pushing herself away from the bed, she could recall the sense of tightness run over her body but ignored the brief signs that told her to stop. She had been half way out of bed before someone walked in and quickly advised her otherwise, promising to go get Captain Unohana before they disappeared back out into the corridor. While it had been just a little odd, she didn't think much into it and decided to move back to where she had been previously sitting. Whatever had happened must've been serious because the Fourth Division Captain showed up just a few minutes later; those sometimes-motherly eyes seemed to show brief signs of worry but quickly covered themselves with a look of relief.
The woman explained the situation slowly to her and said that their group had been ambushed by a pack of upper-class Hollows… the only reason they would've been able to strike them right as they arrived back into Soul Society was if an Espada had been leading the attack. She said they wouldn't have had the appropriate time to react and because of that… they did suffer some minor causalities. She remembered merely staring at the woman while she retold the events of the past few days but was unable to grasp why the woman was telling her that in the first place. So they were ambushed and lost a few members… it wasn't anything new to be honest. Why was she treated like some kind of special guest here?
She was an occasional regular in the fourth Division house and while everyone greeted her with sympathetic smiles and knowing eyes… they had never gone this far; she had never needed Captain Unohana to look over her before.
That's when she brought attention to the bruises she had missed before, to the dark marks that broke her skin into blood red rings, to the linear streaks that cut her skin in some places…
Again, she didn't see the problem in the matter and ask the Captain for verification of her concerns. It would seem only problematic for the busy Captain to waste her time on minor injuries like this. That's when the woman's eyes changed once more and the corner of her lips turned downward, that's when she asked if she remembered anything about the event. When she answered that she couldn't give a perfect picture response, the Captain nodded and slowly began to answer her question, finally resolving the mystery of why she needed this kind of treatment.
It took them close to two days to recover everyone who had been out on that research mission. When they didn't return on time it had been assumed that something came up; Captain Mayuri wasn't happy with the late attendance but muttered the whole situation off without even a spark of concern. When they were recovered, just outside of city limits, everyone was in bad shape. Most of them were suffering from blunt force trauma, multiple organ failures, blood loss, anything that could be accounted for from a gang related attack… those who died passed away within three hours of being recovered; a few more passed away that night and the following morning as well. Many of them were in medically induced comas to help relieve the swelling in their brains; those who survived the first few nights had greater chances of recovering now. She nodded and thanked the woman for looking after her fellow Division members… but apparently the story didn't end there.
After all, there was a reason she wasn't suffering from the same injuries as they were.
She was suffering from worst ones.
But her head wasn't split open to relieve the cerebral swelling, her chest wasn't heavily bound to piece broken ribs back together, and she certainly wasn't on the verge of death… when she asked the Captain to clarify her remark, the woman showed just a brief hint of reluctantly before she moved to answer her.
… She was released from the barracks three days later.
Work continued on as though she had never been absent from it, as though nothing had even happened… those who had passed away were buried and forgotten as new members stepped in to take their places. Everyone talked about the ongoing war between them and the striking Hollows, everyone wanted to go for the throat so to speak… but it would be a long time before plans of that could take place. It would seem like whenever she stepped out on a quick errand, rather it be for the Division mail or to drop off reports, she could hear those soft whispers following after her. She showed no interest when someone spoke her name under their breath, she had no time to stop and question their motives about it… there was work to be done and very little time in the day to complete it.
It was only when those closest to her began to do the same thing that she realized just how deeply the situation had engraved itself into the Society.
"How can she just walk around like nothing happened?"
"She doesn't remember anything… and personally, I think that's for the best."
It was true…
It was reasonable that those who had been severely beaten and suffered cerebral swelling couldn't remember an image of what happened, but a lot of them escaped with their brains still artfully intact… and even they couldn't recall much. There were tests that had been done but the most conclusive results showed nothing out of the ordinary, maybe an elevated heart rate but that was all. There was speculation that a Hollow with a strong mental ability was able to scramble their memories to the point of being unidentifiable, it gave a simple easy explanation as to why none of them could even recall a face.
Sometimes she did remember though…
She remembered fingers pressing into her skin, dragging down red marks on her arms and legs and anywhere they could get a hold on; bruises arising from rough contact of conflicting flesh and trembling pressure. The sense of breathlessness when lips claimed her own as prisoners and drained her lungs of oxygen… the sense of vulnerability when hands successfully pinned her down without so much as a fight…
Because she wasn't fighting.
She never did.
… She remembered that.
Cold nights were accompanied by cold sweats as those memories plagued her day after day. Fingers brushed across her skin, still able to feel where his warmth had almost burned her; shaking breaths passed through uncertain lips as they felt the bruises he had left on her during those sharpened embraces. The soft motion of her uniform sliding off her shoulders and being guided down to the floor… the rough cradle of hands against her bare hips… the twisting and turning of bodies against the cold floor and colder sheets. That burning sensation that started between her legs and seemed to melt its way throughout her body…
She remembered those images and sounds.
She remembered because she wanted to.
It just wasn't knowledge that she wanted anyone else to know. The kind of backlash that would stem from that would no doubt end with incarceration or death… it was complicated and she only had herself to blame for it. At the start of it, it only seemed like a minor disturbance, nothing that could possibly escalade to something of this magnitude. Not that there was a lot to this to begin with… this had been the one and only breaking point so far… hopefully the last one.
It had been half a year since their first encounter… she could recall it even now. They had been sent to the human world to look over some suspicious activity and while on patrol, she spotted him briefly through the crowded streets. It had been a mere glance and for a moment, she thought her eyes had misguided her. Then there was another look and another glance… and then he spotted her just the same. While the people around her couldn't sense him and couldn't even see him, she couldn't stop looking at him; she didn't even bother to hide the attack, he already knew she was there. But she didn't say anything and neither did he. They just stared at one another, observing every detail and movement.
She considered him to look fairly odd for a man of… numbered power; she didn't know what kind of ink stained his skin but that kind of energy wasn't one of a simple henchman. Light-pink strands curved down his right cheek to move eyes along the slender sculpt of his face. His physique was slim and elongated, but that didn't mean he was voided of muscular built… his shoulders pressed through the tight material of his uniform to back up that statement. Nimble fingertips seemed to bounce lightly against his lower lip as he continued to maintain that eye contact, taking in her details at every curve and contour.
They left the human world without a word; she didn't tell anyone about his appearance or their brief encounter… she didn't know why. It would have seemed reasonable to give in and tell someone that there was confirmed activity, but instead she merely backed up everyone's reports that said activity was possible but there wasn't valid evidence of it. That was her first roll in this dangerous game and it only got worse after that.
She volunteered to go on every mission back to the human world for the off chance that he would be there again; it was a fifty-fifty chance that he would be, sometimes it seemed like he had another sense that told him of where she was. It depended on who was in the group and whether or not she could search for him like she did. She let it slip up once and Matsumoto questioned what she was doing, trying to look out into the same crowd to see who was out there. It must've been a stroke of luck that he stepped out of view at that same moment, he had probably sensed the movement before she did and thought ahead of her. It was passed off as a moment of the mind wandering off and she went back to the mission at hand.
This continued time after time and she found herself almost looking forward to seeing him again… part of her sensed that he was doing just the same. It was ridiculous though, she was a Shinigami and he was an Espada… they were both destined to be killed if something like this was figured out; actually, he probably wouldn't suffer consequences like that, that behavior would more than likely be encouraged. She needed to be careful though; he could be as reckless as he wanted.
He was cautious and observant though.
She found herself attracted to the way he would casually push up on the white frames of his glasses every now and again. Those brief subtle movements that disturbed the absolute stillness of his body.
What happened on that mission… was an overreaction of chemicals in their bodies. It was their combined recklessness, some sense of desperation and a need to know what the other was like. An observation from a distance was not enough to dispel their curiosities, they both needed more; it wasn't planned from her side but she could tell from the initial attack that he had put in a careful amount of thought. He knew where and when to strike, he knew what to do and how to do it… he knew how to mask the crime. In the end, it was a genius plot.
While it gave misguided ideas and thoughts to the rest of the Society… she knew better than to provide them with a sense of ease by giving them the truth. It was selfish and a complete break from what she was supposed to be, but she didn't want them to know. It was probably better for them to think that he had taken advantage of her rather than how she gave in willingly to him.
Given a month or so, the complications of it would eventually move away from the limelight… everyone would gather other things to worry for and carry on with their lives.
Things like to get complicated for her though…
It was a passing two months since the mission and she found her health declining day by day; the mornings were getting harder and she found herself making numerous mistakes throughout the hours, unable to focus or concentrate on her tasks. She dropped trays, beakers, almost anything that touched her hands was immediately dropped to the floor. It caused all sorts of problems in the labs and she felt herself actually wince when Captain Mayuri yelled at her for it; he rejected the idea of sending her to Division Four when she remarked about her strange feelings, and for once she agreed with him. She didn't want to look into them and preferred to overlook them as much as she could… not a wise choice but she needed to get herself back together or risk putting the entire lab in danger. It took a few days before she could get herself back under control and then things went on from there; it was like there wasn't a problem to begin with.
The next Lieutenant's meeting proved otherwise though.
She remembered about an hour into the meeting before things got blurry after that… then she woke up in Division Four again. That same pained feeling from before surfaced itself and she could feel her fingertips shaking from it this time around, making it more difficult to overlook and ignore. The feeling of nausea bubbled in her stomach but she managed to suppress the motion for the most part, almost losing control over it a few times. It was only when she excused herself to one of the closest bathrooms that they realized she was finally awake, and even then they had to wait a few minutes before she felt well enough to come back out.
Isane explained that she had passed out in the middle of the meeting and they brought her here as soon as they could. It was speculated that it must've been from exhaustion because she was sporting heavy rings underneath her eyes and was moving a little slow that day… the reports came back with different readings though.
Nine weeks carrying.
There was that returning sense of hesitance and… almost regret when the news was delivered… she wanted elaboration and confirmation where they didn't wish to push the subject further. Because no one wants to talk about the conceiving of a child out of an unwilling situation; it was sympathies and sorrows that marked every word. But she couldn't follow it, she didn't see it in that light at the starting position… she wanted to know how it was possible, how that could happen between a Shinigami and Hollow; those were answers no one wanted to know or find out.
They kept her for a few more days to run tests, but she knew the real reason behind him. Captain Unohana didn't want to give her back over to her Captain. In Division Four, she was safe and taken care of… but in the labs, anything was possible. She guessed all they could see were images of some kind of fetus floating around in a tube, or stuck in a jar of fluids hidden somewhere in the back of a sealed refrigerator. They were disturbing pictures to imagine, but the harsh reality of it was that they were still possible… and that's what caused a cold shiver to run up her spine. Sometimes, during the night, she could hear those whispers again. There were always the continuous talks of just getting rid of it and solving the problem early on, after all not a lot of people knew and it wasn't like it would be hurting anyone.
She had gotten too used to people disregarding her own opinion, it didn't bother her at first… and then the thought began to grow on her. A small little being growing inside of her, completely depended on her… a perfect mix of genetics between the two of them… it would seem like a disgrace to anyone else but she found it all the more marvelous. This body of hers had always been useless and worthless, good for nothing other than use as a shield, but now… now it had a purpose. She wasn't even aware she could reproduce like this; she was so certain her immune system wouldn't have allowed for cells to gather together and last this long. For once, being proven wrong didn't feel like a hassle.
Eventually, Captain Mayuri got impatient with her continued absence and demanded that she'd be released. It all came out at that point and Captain Unohana had to release her reports to him, revealing the pregnancy and all. His first reaction was one of anger, more so because she would soon be useless to him. It didn't take long for a second one to emerge though as he came to the realization that this would be the first confirmed report of a Shinigami-Hollow hybrid… after that, he was more willing to cooperate- something Captain Unohana wasn't happy to accept at first. She supposed those images from before had stayed with the Captain and she was going to do everything in her power to prevent them from happening. It was hard not to get involved, part of her felt obligated to return to her Division out of respect and responsibility, but part of her also remembered about the second life she was supposed to be protecting; she couldn't risk even the simplest of falls now.
Most of the debate was between the two Captains while she spent her time in the bathroom, releasing whatever was left in her stomach. Isane kept her company whenever she could, pausing as she ran between patients to make sure she was still doing well.
As odd as it was to think of at a time like this… she wondered what he would've thought of the situation. There would be no way of telling him, but still she questioned if he would've shared the same scientific thoughts as her Captain did… the two seemed so much alike. Or would his linear thoughts take a different route… would he even care for that matter?
"You look so different up close…"
Fingertips moved to touch and trace the soft curve of her jawline, the white material of his gloves worked well against her skin and she felt how he seemed to use the quiet moment to observe her further. She was almost certain he could feel the thundering of her heart as it pounded in her chest and vibrated in her throat. The previous conflict was enough to irritate her heart rate… but now she was certain it was from the closer contact between them.
This wasn't supposed to happen, but with him right in front of her at this moment, common sense and rational thinking did not seem to pertain to them. Ripped away at the transition between the human world and Soul Society, she remembered the tight grip that bruised her arms and forced her into this world instead… she remembered how he threw her against the wall and pinned her there. It didn't really seem necessary though, she didn't have the chance to fight back and after figuring out who he was, she chose not to.
"Is that to your disappointment?"
The question seemed to startle him almost as though he never expected her to reply in any way. At this close distance, she could spot the soft-shade of amber that colored his eyes and realized she had never witnessed anyone carrying that kind of gene before; long eyelashes accompanied the isolated amber shade and only added more to that… undisclosed appeal he carried with him.
"More so to my amusement."
Slowly, she convinced her fingers to move upward and touched them briefly against his lower lip, detecting the minor tremble that passed underneath the contact. "Why me?"
"Why not?" his response was simplistic and easy enough to follow. "After months of callous, distant observations, you weren't the least bit curious?"
Of course she was, but she wasn't given the open opportunity to explore it; she suppressed the questioning and curiosity in hopes it would let her go about her days in peace… He had the authority to test it out though while she could only sit back and deal with the thoughts and wonder what he was like. Perhaps it was a good thing that he invoked a situation like this.
It was an empty affair between dimensions, between different worlds… and while the list of cons was practically tumbling around her feet, she was far more focused on those eyes of his instead. Up until this point, they had both been capable of rational, intellectual thinking, in this one moment though, they were both all the more willing to throw it away.
She barely even noticed the way his hands moved to loosen the tight obi sash around her midsection; untying the red string that kept it strung together. Pieces and articles of clothing slowly tumbled down to litter the floor around her, unveiling more and more skin than was ever intended.
"What's your name?"
Words whispered against her barren lips as dressed fingertips traced empty shapes into her skin.
"Kurotsuchi."
"Grantz."
