Mai
The knife is poised over my skin, over the flesh that has not yet been scarred. I hesitate. It's been years since I've cut myself and yet being with Azula brings old habits out of the closet and into my hand again. I don't use my fighting knives. No, those are too precious to be stained with my blood. I use a regular kitchen knife that I stole from the royal kitchens when I was little. My own blades mean too much to me to be used for such a heinous act. And yet, why am I doing this?
*knock knock*
The sounds makes me jolt and I slit my wrist vertically on accident. "Shit!" I hiss. It won't leave a scar but it took what little courage I had in me to go through with the act. I move my sleeve back over the tell-tale signs of my misbehaving and put the knife with my others on my wrist guard for the time being.
"Yes?"
Ty Lee pops her head around the corner. I exhale. If Azula had come in and discovered me cutting, I might break down and cry but I can handle Ty Lee. She isn't my trigger.
"Azula wants to know if you're done brooding yet," she says with a smile.
"Tell her I'll be down in a second."
Ty Lee goes away but leaves the door open. It doesn't matter. I wouldn't have been able to do it anyway. I take the time to take the knife out of my wrist guard and back into its place as a book mark for my journal. No one ever questions me using a knife for a book mark. They see me with so many knives, they'd be shocked to find I use regular tampons for my period and no knives of any sort.
I steal myself forward, take a deep breath, and walk down to girl I call friend only out of fear, hoping someday I won't have to fear her any more.
