"I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is that not strange?" ben's new video gave me so many feelings and i just needed to get them out. this is probably not the greatest thing you will ever read. title from the song "latch" by disclosure, i really recommend you listening to natalie taylor's cover of it because it's amazing
Beatrice Duke has been in beds before. She sleeps in one. She makes videos on them. Hero has one, and so does Leo. Still, there is something different about where she is now, the feelings she's having, in this current situation.
She's in Ben's house. On his bed. Honestly, what kind of strange parallel universe has she stumbled into, that she'd be here, of all places, with him, of all people? She hasn't been in this place since they stopped being friends, but it still looks vaguely the same, from what she can remember. And she recognizes some things more clearly from that one time she actually watched his videos (not that she'd ever admit it). There are clothes haphazardly strewn on the ground, but it's obvious that he tried to clean up a little. Why that fact makes her feel things (like a fluttery bit in her stomach) she's not sure. It's certainly strange, being here again, especially in this situation, and yet, surprisingly, Beatrice feels like there's nowhere else she'd rather be.
He's prattling on about time turners and she actually feels the corners of her mouth turning up - since when is he actually funny? (Or, maybe, her mind protests, he's always been funny. You just haven't noticed it because you've been holding a grudge since you were fourteen fucking years old, determined to hate every word that came out of his mouth.)
"Tell him," he says, and it makes her heart swell in her chest. She walks over to sit next to him, acutely aware of how close together they are and trying really, really, unbelievably hard not to look at his lips.
She thinks of the meanest thing she could possibly say and says it with as much vitriol as she can manage, considering the fact that all she feels like doing is crying and hasn't been able to do much besides that. It doesn't feel mean enough, anyway. She wants Claudio to hurt. Bea wants Claudio to hurt as much - no - more than he hurt Hero. She wants him to pay.
Ben looks so completely amused by her that she kind of wants to slap him, but she doesn't. And when she's done talking (read: making awesome threats that she definitely intends to keep) he doesn't stop looking at her.
"What?" she asks, trying to sound indignant. "Got something on my face, have I?"
"No!" he shouts, a little too riled up, his cheeks turning pink. "I just. I, um. I -"
"Spit it out, already! I don't have all day!"
"I love you! I'm in love with you. I love you more than anything in the world, I think. Is that weird?"
Bea doesn't know how to answer that. She likes him, she knows that. More than she used to, that is. And if she looks past the anger she's been harboring for all of these years, she thinks she might love him, too.
"I was serious about the Claudio thing," she says instead, hoping that he's not offended by her lack of response. But seriously, you can't just drop a bomb like that on a girl and expect her to know what to say. She needs time to think, and she'd focused on only one thing right now: "I want revenge."
"Alright, alright. We'll think of something, yeah?" And before she can protest (not that you really want to, her brain tells her) he's kissing her. It's surprising. And nice. Surprisingly nice. His hands are warm as they cup her face and it's a welcome break from all the pain and anger that she'd been harboring since Hero's party. She wants to stay like that for a long time, but eventually he breaks away.
Both of their faces are flushed, and she looks down at the floor.
"We can just edit that part out, I think," he coughs, after a minute of silence.
"Okay."
love me please i'm emotionally unstable because of these teenage idiots
