Tears streaming down my face as I drive down an old dirt road in the rain.

Where I'm going I have no idea.

I just...I needed to get away from you from us before I become an adultress again.

I tried to break free really I did, but your eyes they get me every time.

you chose her over me...her my sister...I can't believe it.

She went from being my best friend to my bitter enemy so fast.

I wasn't good enough for you...oh no...but for some reason she was.

I wiped a tear away from my mascara soaked eyes and rub it off on my whorish clothing.

I...I'm good enough for you to be with sexually...but not...not for life...WHY?!

I slunk down further in the drivers seat the liquid from my eyes blurring my eyesight too much to drive.

I guess...I should start from the the beginning of the affair, they had been married for a few months when Tommy ploped down in the studio chair with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" I looked at him with a worried look in my eye.

"Your sister that's what's wrong we're married three months and she's screaming at me that i'm never home enough and that these recording sessions they're bull and that I'm using it as a cover to cheat on her!"

I sighed and started to pace. He wasn't cheating on her...yet... "She's always been kind of insecure about things like that ya know..."

He looked me up and down misteviously "We both know if I was having an affair it's be with you..."

I took a sharp intake of breathe as he edged closer to me and pinned me against the wall his body shoved against mine.

"Tommy...I...I can't I was the maid of honor at your wedding...and Jamie...he and I we're getting pretty serious he-"

Tommy bit down on my neck as i let out a yelp of pleasure. "I...I can't stay away from you girl...and I know you can't stay away from me..."

I couldn't give in afterall it was him that married my sister "Tommy I do...but...I...I...I can't...I...I'll feel like a whore."

He gave me that mind melting look then he said it...and I was his putty in his hands. "Jude...I love you...You're the one...if only for tonight just give me this...give me the glory days back..."

I kissed him hard then looked into his eyes. "Take me...all consequences be damned."

There we were several years after I had lost my virginity to him in the same place...I know...I seem like a ho...but...Being with him...it makes me feel...alive...like i'm Jude again...

Rule number one of my life..if there's disaster to be had...I'll have it...

The affair went on for four years...and here am four years later his smell on me...an addiction...no one ever suspected a thing.

I married Jamie...he was the easy way out...he's always gone so he never really misses the sex I rarely give him.

Tommy and I we fit so perfectly...until tonight...I had had enough...

I was lying on the bed my sister and my brother in law /lover rarely shared spread out in his arms after countless rounds together.

I looked up from his chest at his smiling eyes as he played with my hair.

"Tommy...I...we need to talk..."

I let out a sigh knowing that my dream world with him our secret world would probably end tonight.

"It's been four years...when will we be one...I married Jamie...and that's nice...but...I want us to be an us...when will you leave her...you're never with her because you're always with me...so tell me Tommy when will I have my happily ever after..."

He sat up releasing me from his grip and sighed.

"Jude you know things are more complicated than that-"

I shoved him angrily then I hopped out of bed and started to gather my clothes.

"So that's all I am to you Tommy just another two bit whore someone to use for sex.."

I felt tears running down my cheeks, the first of many.

"You never loved me...you never were going to be with me as more than just a Fk buddy!"

He yelled at me crawlign out of the bed his face steaming red.

"You're wrong I can't just leave my kids you know...I can't exactly say hey look auntie Jude's your new step mom!"

I finished putting my clothes on.

"If you loved me enough Tommy you would because you don't love HER.."

I grabbed my purse and headed towards him reaching up to his face kissing him.

"The last kiss goodbye remember your whore Jude well because this is the last of her!"

Used...I feel used...he's a drug irrestable...It's not fair...why can't I feel his touch without being burned...